Take a drink...
...every time someone is announced before entering a room.
...any time someone pours tea.
...any time Carson decants wine through cheesecloth.
...any time cuff links are discussed. (Mr. Bates calls them just "links," and this counts.)
...any time someone applies hand cream.
...every time someone opens an envelope or telegram. Bonus: If accomplished with a letter opener, take two drinks; if the message is bad news, take a big gulp.
...any time Mary is wearing temptuous red.
...any time the Dowager Countess is wearing a shade of purple, "violet" or otherwise.
...any time you spot a feather worn in hair or on clothing.
...any time someone kisses someone s/he shouldn't. Bonus: If it's man-on-man action, take two drinks and toast your neighbors.
...every time someone says "Lady Mary."
...every time someone says "poor Edith."
...every time Edith says the word "slut."
...every time Anna the maid tells "Mr. Baahtes" she loves him.
...every time Mr. Bates tells Anna loving him is a terrible idea. If he says so while moving out, take two drinks. You'll need it for the heartbreak that ensues.
...any time Mary drops her hands to her sides and slaps her thighs because she is just EXASPERATED.
...every time a woman dabs her face with a handkerchief while crying.
Bonus: If Mary drops her hands to her sides and slaps her thighs as she is crying and holding a handkerchief, all the while dressed in red and wearing feathers, finish your drink. Her temper tantrums usually take a while, you have time.
...every time Mrs. Padmore insults Daisy.
...any time you are irrepressibly consumed by the realization that Daisy is just too cute.
...every time anyone says the word "valet," which rhymes with "mallet," thank you.
...any time Miss O'Brien lurks in a doorway, near a window, or next to an open vent and eavesdrops.
...any time a member of the Crawley family engages in friendly conversation with a servant and casually belittles that servant by insinuating his/her life is without meaning.
...every time Thomas and Miss O'Brien stand outside by the shed and smoke cigarettes whilst planning something devious!
...any time anyone says the name "Mr. Pamuk."
...any time Molesley's hopes and dreams are somehow shattered and he makes a sad face.
...any time anyone engages in battle with the new telephone.
...any time Violet insults servants, lawyers, doctors, Turks, Italians, Americans, educated women, employed women, loose women, the middle class, the upper class who don't really deserve it, family members who have bad taste in gifts, or most deservedly that pain in the ass Isobel.
* Many people contributed to this list, including Countess Tricia Roche McKinney.
Dear God, we're all going to die of alcohol poisoning.
Posted by: Kathy | January 25, 2012 at 07:53 PM
Kathy--no we won't. Not everything is in one particular episode; the events are spread out. I timed it while practicing with hot chocolate.
Posted by: dan renzi | January 26, 2012 at 03:58 AM
Sounds like a show worth tuning into.
Posted by: Ann | January 26, 2012 at 09:01 AM
This is brilliant, Dan.
Posted by: Michael Borza | January 26, 2012 at 12:21 PM
O. M. G - PLEASE SHARE WITH TOM AND LORENZO!! (formerly project rungay)
Really, the people over there will have a ball with it!
Love ya, hope school is going well.
Posted by: Marsha | January 27, 2012 at 08:57 AM
Just did! This is brilliant! T&L needed to know!
Posted by: Thousandfabrics | January 27, 2012 at 02:25 PM
Double OMG, do I love this show! Daniel, thank you for turning me on to another great show. I thought I was the only homosexual who liked stuffy British drama!! I found the show on netflix and they only carry 7 episodes. Does anyone know if there's more?? Also, I must share a program with the class. Manor House also made by PBS is a reality show about a group of folks who must live in a early 20th century Edwardian style manor house and portray the different positions either as servants or part of the aristocratic family. If you like Downtown Abbey, you'll like this. Available on Netflix - DVD only.
Posted by: Bootsey Cloverdale | January 27, 2012 at 02:45 PM
Daisy is like 10 but acts 7. She creeps me out and is truly the only character I do not like.
Posted by: Blobby Blog | January 29, 2012 at 02:29 PM
i'm fairly certain this is now my most. favorite. thing. ever.
Posted by: secret agent l | January 30, 2012 at 11:18 AM
I love it! I also think you need to drink any time Cora puts someone in their place.
Posted by: ASPSmith | February 07, 2012 at 05:34 PM
too funny - my husband caught an episode, and thought it would be great if "Masterpiece did a sequel" - when I informed him it was a series, he said, "but it's Masterpiece Theatre! they do one offs! - you fuckers, now I have to try to watch them all!"
HEHEHEEE!!!
Posted by: Marsha | February 08, 2012 at 03:00 PM
After watching a Season Two marathon on my local PBS station on Sunday (yes, nearly 10 hours of Downton Abbey), I must contribute.
Anytime anyone corrects someone for calling anyone by the wrong name or title. For example..."Mr. Crawley..." followed by "That's CAPTAIN Crawley." Or "That's Sergeant Barrow"...followed by "ACTING Sergeant Barrow, I believe."
Posted by: Lu Sadler | February 20, 2012 at 05:41 PM
Great list, but if you truly wish to get hammered, just pour a drink anytime you hear mamah or papah.
Posted by: Debbie | November 08, 2012 at 05:31 AM
Downton night the second, tonight!! All of season two straight! Playing these rules all night long!!
Posted by: noah | May 24, 2013 at 01:28 PM
Downton night the third today!! All in a row! Gunna ba a blast! You know its Noahs shindig when your doing heroin in the back yard!
Posted by: noah | January 31, 2014 at 12:33 PM
Downton night Fourever After! Who's in?! We are. Oh yes, this is it ladies and gentlemen, hold your horses (AND YOUR DRINKS!!!!)!
Posted by: noah | July 22, 2014 at 12:11 PM