"911, what is your emergency?"
Hi, I'm standing on the corner of 15th Street and Jefferson, and there is a woman lying in the intersection with a bloody face. I don't know what's wrong with her, I think she fell.
"She's lying in the street?"
When I found her she was lying in the middle of the intersection, but now she got up and she's trying to walk. She has two dogs with her, and they are running all over the place, cars are swerving around them.
"Did you see what happened to her?"
No.
"Do you know this woman?"
No.
"What is she wearing?"
Black pants and a pink shirt. The dogs are both white.
"Okay."
Now she's waving her hands at me saying "No no no," she sees me calling you, but there's obviously something wrong with her. She's bleeding pretty bad. I think she doesn't want me to call because she's on drugs.
"What is your phone number?"
(I give her my number.)
"Okay. What is she doing now?"
Now walked over to the corner, where Jefferson street is a dead-end. She crouched down and she's hiding behind a car.
"Why is she hiding behind a car?"
I don't know. But it's pretty obvious something is wrong with her.
"What is she doing behind the car?"
She's just sitting there I guess.
"What car is she hiding behind?"
I don't know, it's a blue car.
"Can you see the license plate on the car?"
No. But the police will see her before they can read the license plate on the car.
"What was she doing when you found her?"
She was laying on the street, face down, and her dogs were running around.
"You didn't see what happened to her?"
No, she was already laying there. So I asked her if she was okay, and she got up but she staggered around for a while, her face is pretty bloody, so she got up and she couldn't walk very well, I don't know if she's high or what is wrong with her, and she keeps saying "No no no," and now she's just sitting on the street. (take a breath) But I'm repeating myself, I'll stop.
"I'm not asking you to repeat yourself, sir, I just asked you a question."
(pause)
Did you just snap at me?
"Um, uh—"
Are you a 911 operator? Are you supposed to give people attitude?
"What direction is she headed now?"
She is hiding behind a car in a dead-end street, she isn't headed anywhere. Why are you being rude? I'm trying to be nice by calling this in.
"Now what is she doing?"
Look, there is a bloody woman sitting on the street at 15th and Jefferson. You can send a cop if you want, it's up to you. I'm hanging up.
"Sir—"
(click)
LMAO, this was the funniest and best blog in a long time. It's a shame more people didn't comment. You should write more comedy and repost this.
Posted by: Glenn D | March 18, 2010 at 02:55 AM
Oh, that's the funniest story ever. I hope you are recreating with your friends as often as possible! Sad that the police aren't more concerned with a drug-addled woman who is bleeding from the face.
Posted by: Denise | March 18, 2010 at 07:14 AM
oh, man. that's classic.
Posted by: jodi | March 19, 2010 at 12:08 PM
Ha - love this!!!!
I've heard other 911 tapes where I think to myself-are they interviewing that guy? Does he really need to be their sportscaster and offer play-by-play? No-he called in, he gave an address. Thank you-good day, Sir!
Posted by: kaylen | March 22, 2010 at 05:25 PM