ARTICLES I WROTE

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ARTICLES I WROTE

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  • REVIEW: COMING OUT PARTY
    coming out party finally hits australia. although they didn't think i am that funny. this, from the country whose biggest comedic achievement is crocodile dundee. screw them!
  • HOOKING UP...
    "hooking up in the real world," hosted by coral and myself. it ended up pretty good.
  • COMING OUT PARTY
    "coming out" stories told by comedians and writers. not a comedy show, per se, but is often funny.

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    Beth

    so you left out which one is your favorite, sounds like if I were a guy..Miami, totally because nothing is hotter than latin...love ya Dan.

    justCara

    Hilarious! So, what about KC gays?

    The Aitch

    You are a funny man!

    David

    Actually, as a New Yorker I'm not looking for a beatnik type. And I already know all the best places to go. Beyond that, everthing else was spot on.

    Is this listing for out of towners and their expectations or locals?

    Kryss

    Columbus, Ohio

    Who you want to meet: an artsy guy with just enough love of the Buckeye football team to make him walk around shirtless and painted.

    Who you'll actually meet: a beer-gut toting guy who thinks the "Mona Lisa" is the drag queen he saw last night.

    Opening line: "Do you come here a lot?"

    What that line means: "Is it possible that I've already slept with you?"

    Dino Foxx

    San Antonio:
    Who you want to meet: A thug.
    Who you'll actually meet: A faux cholo who calls himself "El Chino" but who has never really been in a gang, works at Target on the rich side of town and drives a moderately priced midsized sedan.
    Opening line: "Sup, pa?"
    What that line means: "I know that you are turned on by my oversized Polo and Fubu jeans but I really only want you to hold me until we fall asleep."

    I mean, I know that thugs need love too, but do something bad, hit me, pimp me out, sell some drugs to minors...damn.

    tater

    we straight guys have this fantasy that gay guys don't have to play petty bullshit games that us mundanes have to play to get the laid. but lessee.... You gotta be buff, rich, and famous or your outta luck.... OK, the grass is looking greener on this side of the fence, because while women also want all those things, they are easier to fool because they have a more trusting nature.. Except Taters wife, and on her the pity card worked in Taters favor..

    Jill

    What happened to Boston?

    Kaia

    Dan - how could you leave off San Francisco!

    Brian

    Best. Entry. Ever.

    Patrick

    Austin, TX

    Who you want to meet: A hip, witty indie boy who is educated enough to know Kafka from Camus.

    Who you'll actually meet: Four thousand club kids tweaking so hard they can't tell whether they're grabbing their own dicks on the dance floor.

    Opening line: "What music are you into?"

    What that line means: "Do you know the obscure bands that I do, and do you pretend to like their rubbish like I do?"

    Carrie Jo

    Dude, you sooo hit the nail on the head with this! Also, I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed that San Diegans have a tendancy to look the same. Thanks for the crack-up.

    Cody

    Ashland, OR

    Who you want to meet: The laid back intellectual type, who doesn't care how he looks. He buys (note: not shop, buys) his clothes from the Goodwill, and still looks amazingly cute.

    Who you actually meet: A stoner who listens to a band named Bright Eyes and pretends to be "meaningful" by pondering the depths of Corn Flakes.

    Opening Line: Hi, My name is....

    What it really means: Don't bother speaking up. For the next 2 hours we will talk about me. Actually, that is how our relationship will be....if I actually feel you are worthy enough.

    Mo

    SO FUNNY!

    And right on. Could almost translate to the hetero dating world too.

    Blind Guy#2

    Is it possible that your just attracted to all the wrong guys?
    Have you thought that perhaps Authenticity starts from within?

    Michael

    Seattle.

    Who you want to meet:
    In this great liberal city, you want to meet someone who is an educated community activist, someone with a social conscience.

    Who you actually meet:
    The 30-year-old part-timer at Taco Time who doesn't have a car and is about to lose his apartment because of back rent and his 15 cats.

    Opening line:
    I'm so glad to meet someone like you!

    Opening line meaning:
    "Someone like you" = someone with an apartment, a job and a car. "Can I crash at your place for a few days?" A few days = Squatter. "Just until I get back on my feet?" which translates to "I'm going to mooch off of you as long as I can until you throw me out."

    Dan, this is one of your best posts EVER! You have such clever ideas, and are always right on the money. Bravo!

    Erica/GroovyYaYa

    Michael... loved the Seattle one (I'm from Olympia.) Gotta say, most of what you said applies for a lot of the hetero guys I've met too... except sometimes they aren't going to be evicted from their mama's basement. Oh yeah... and some of the state worker gay guys seem to have more of a stick up their ass than a d..... well, you get the picture.

    No, I'm not holding any grudges against a particular co-worker.

    Ergane

    Oh... I am so curious of a Seattle take.

    Rex

    Auckland, New Zealand

    Who you want to meet:
    A guy in black polar fleece actively involved in anti-whaling campaign whilst balancing his developmental studies of the third world country.

    Who you actually meet:
    40-year-old who spend half of his waking hour trying to pick up someone half of his age.

    Opening line:
    Dame, you look fine.

    What that line means:
    I hope you are desperate enough to actually fall for that line

    Dean

    New York merits an alternate option, I think:

    Who you want to meet: A rich, muscular architect who attends the occasional fundraising event but otherwise avoids 'the scene.'
    Who you'll actually meet: An insecure i-banker who is a clumsy flirt and drops lame hints about how rich he is.
    Opening line: "Where do you live?"
    What that line means: "It doesn't matter where you live because just WAIT until you hear about my 4000sf triplex."

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