Dear Tom Cruise

Dear Tom Cruise,

You know I've been on your side for a while now.

The accusations, the Oprah antics, the gossip, no matter. I still stand by your movies because I love them. I never cared what you did in real-life, I just want to see you on the movie screen.

But tonight I saw your interview with Diane Sawyer, and I'm afraid I give up.

Watching your beady stare lock on poor Diane, cackling wildly and inexplicably as you prattled on about how Scientology cured your sinus infections?...it made me want to reach into my TV and pull her out of harm's way. You looked like you were about to make her drink the Kool-Aid.

You have officially freaked me out. Keep in mind I am a weird dude myself, with an exceptionally high tolerance (nay, appreciation) for eccentricities. But your testimonials of how your children "chose" to be Scientologists...if by "chose" you mean "go to meetings or have me rip their throats out with my teeth," then yes, they did choose, I guess. I cannot imagine how anyone around you can choose anything, with your overwhelming aura of doom seeping from your every pore. Watching you speak makes me thing bad things are going to happen. When the interview went to commercial, I had to call my mother, just feel better about things.

I'm sorry, but I can't do it anymore. I can't drag my friends to your movies, telling them to appreciate your offerings as an actor while ignoring you psychoses as a mortal being. Watching you on a screen, 50 feet high, would make me feel like the world is going to end. You have officially scared me away from going to see Mission Impossible III, and I'm disappointed about that. Because I already told my friends that they had to go with me, despite the fact that you creep them out.

You really really need to just shut up, dude. Shut UP. Lock yourself in a room, pull out your alien religion books, and have a gay ol' time. In private. All this talking you're doing...it's like watching you jump on Oprah's couch, all over again.

Good luck with the new baby.

Hugs.

Dan

For the most horrifying Tom Cruise story EVER, go to my other site here.

Comments

[The Count]

Dan, you are the best. I nearly fell out of my seat reading this. Thanks for the continued laughter. In today's crazy world, we need it!

[Glenn C]

Dan:

Cruise is such a big closet case. A friend of mine had the same agent as tom back in the early 80s before Tom hit it big. The agent told Tom "Get rid of your boyfriend".

I think anybody who is a scientologist is CRAZY!!! I heard that Katie had to sign a document that said that she had to convert to that religion and agree to raise the kids that way or else Tom wold not marry her and they would abduct the baby once it was brorn and Katie would never she the child ever again. They would keep the child in hiding and only let Tom see it.

They are a CULT!!! They suck rich celebs into their cult because they need the money to fund their agenda. Do these people like Tom Cruise really think that they would be embraced by scientology if they were just a clerk at Walmart??? Then they brainwash you into believing all this crap about the world like aliens came her elong ago and they are coming back in the future to take a handful of us on their space ship so you'd better write the Scientogolists a nice fat check to rserve your seat on the intergalatic space jam.

They are also big on converting gays to straight and proclaim a really high success rate (100%) of conversion. It seems suspicious that people like Tom Crusie and John Travolta who have been rumored to be gay have such a passion for scientology and are advocates for it. See the connection.

Wasn't one of Tom's movies banned in Germany because of his membership in scientology???

I never thought Cruise was a good actor. Most of his movies are big budget action movies like Top Gun, Jerry Mc Guire, and Mission Impossible. He is all fluff and no substance. He seems so fake and his acting is mechanical. Even in interviews he appears shallow and devoid of any real feelings. The minute he loses his looks his acting career is over.

[Samantha]

Im so Glad everyones finally coming around to that weirdo!!

[Splatty]

Hey I heard that Tom and Nicole adopted their kids together. So Tom and Katies kid will be his first "real" devil spawn.

[Carrie]

Totally agree w/ you. I didn't watch the Sawyer intergview because I wouldn't be able to stomache it. The guy is such as ass-and the bad thing is is that he's probably been like this all along, but had everyone suckered before w/ his polished image makers help.

[Corey]

Is it bad that I think it's funny he and Brooke have a baby the same day???

The placenta thing is still creeping me out, I wonder if he's done with it yet?????

[Damien Tilden]

The eating the placenta thing is too, too much!

[Eliza]

OH MY GOD... DAN... I LOVE YOU SO MUCH... okay, I just had to get that outta the way.

I can't believe it took you this long to decide that Tom Cruise is WAY off his rocker. The guy needs to be institutionalized. I wonder when the world of scienctology will realize that he is hurt them more than helping them at this point. Cruise needs a muzzle.

And that poor child he's brining into the world. God help that child and Katie.

[Kim]

Someone need to do a tell-all interview with Nicole Kidman. They've got kids together. Wonder what the older Cruise/Kidman kids think of all this crap?

[Liz]

I waiting for one of the ex's to spill the beans on the real deal with Tom. he is a fanatic.

[Kassie]

I loved the fact that the only flattering things he could think of to say about Katie were that she loved cupcakes, and stuck her tongue out when she smiles. Really? That's it? You are marrying this girl, and "Kate loves cupcakes" is all you can think of to share? Wow, strange.

[joey]

who's tom cruise?

[Michael]

I'm still going to try and ignore him and go see MI:III.

[Todd Sivard]

Ugh, now he reveals to GQ mag that he plans to eat her placenta. http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/2006-04/18/content_4444133.htm

[thibault]

wow! i thaught Tom was the favorit american actor all around the US.
I can tell that's the same thing in France.

[Bon]

Best. Post. Ever.

[Erica]

I do a little happy dance that Nicole won an Oscar, and he hasn't done it.... YAY!!!

I'm going to say something really, really snarky now in re: his "read a book" answer.... how would he know? He's dyslexic! I think he got something twisted, or only read the Cliff Notes!

[Ryan]

As much as I can't stand that man, I also tuned in for the interview. Every time he maniacally laughs after responding to a question I want to put my fist thru the tv.

I love how he can never answer anything about Scientology directly. When Diane asked him about it and he responded with "read a book" and she retorted with "i've read two," all he could come up with was to refer her to some other book which she's of course never heard of. He's fucking clueless.

I've been on a boycott of all of his stuff for a while now, and it has changed my life for the better. I feel so free, and you will too.

[Stephanie]

How did Diane stop herself from laughing?? I fear for Katie Holmes, like, 5 minutes ago she seemed like a perfectly normal adult. Now she just seems brainwashed.

BY LOVE!

Also, Tom's role in Magnolia has a whole new meaning.

[Lynnster, yeah]

Yep, you totally read my mind. I adored Tom Cruise from the time I was 17 and Risky Business was first-run at the theater. Starting with the Oprah appearance and everything since has totally turned me off to him for good and, like you, I'm not sure I can bear to even watch him in a movie anymore. Tom, you totally screwed up and shoulda quit while you were still (barely) ahead...