Farewell, Runway.

For the past several weeks my friends have come over to my house on Wednesday nights, to partake in Project Runway glory together. The first Wednesday night, I was slightly self-conscious of exposing my infatuation with what is the gayest show on television. I didn't know them well; we just met out somewhere, and got on the subject of the show by accident. I didn't want to scare them away by queening out about the show; this was a male-bonding thing. We were dudes. (Dudes watching a reality show about fashion designers.) Watching the show together was gay enough, we needed to keep control.

"You want a beer?" I asked the first night. I kept my hands down to my side. No limp wrists.

"Yeah, that'd be cool, thanks."

Two of us sat on the couch, at opposite ends; everyone else was in chairs. We watched the show, said it was "cool," and were done. Male bonding.

Weeks went by, and we were always on our best behavior. We sat and watched the show, laying all the way back on the couch with our legs propped up on the coffee table, like dudes. We drank beer, we ate chips, the whole thing. By the end of each show I was exhausted.

A few weeks ago, one of the Dudes called and said he was on his way over for our weekly bonding ritual, and asked me if I wanted anything to drink. I told him, if he wanted, maybe he could pick up some beer?

He paused. "Or do you, y'know...want something from Starbucks?"

"I'd kill for a grande carmel frappucino."

"Whipped cream?"

"Of course."

And, deep sigh of relief.

Now we all pile onto the couch and the floor around it. Not a single additional beer has been consumed in my house since that fateful day. We have, however, gone through a bottle of tequila playing drinking games, taking a shot every time we see the Orbitz commercial with the women trimming the hedges. ("I need a good deal to Cancun?") For some reason, they play that commercial endlessly on Wednesday nights. And we're infatuated with it. We act it out. Over and over, down to the facial expressions.

We throw things at the TV when Santino says something stupid, we laugh at Daniel V's arrogance, we shreik when Zulema acts like Zulema. We make plans to take a trip down to Houston to check out Chloe's shop so we can try on all her clothes and take pictures of each other. And they're women's clothes, we know, but that's sorta the point.

Next show: The Sopranos, Sundays. And that show is really butch, so we can be REALLY gay and not feel bad about it.

Comments

[Amit]

Dan you are so fabulous, I absolutely love it!

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[Malibu Boy]

Wasn't Daniel V outed as a straight guy? LOL. Now that Runway is over, everyone can queen out watching Ace on American Idol. So far that boy has sung George Michael, Daniel Beddingfield and, last night, Michael Jackson. Whoa Ace, you go girl!

[B]

i am new to your site but i have to say i love your stories! they are always so entertaining...

[mary]

Awww I'm so sad to see this season end. And I'm SO glad Daniel V. didn't win. He got way too cocky towards the end, it was annoying me. Hmph.

[Lori]

Well, there's always Next Top Chef, right? Right?

[flozy]

Oh Dan, I have stumbled on to this lovely thing of yours a while ago. I adore Project Runway and I loved reading the posts by you and your "brother." I even read most things about Idol and such just because they are entertaining, even though in all honesty I loathe that show (sorry.) I agree with everyone else in that you are a wonderful story teller. I just have one thing to say, why did you not have anything to say about Guadalupe on the reunion episode haha. Even Tim flipped out, which only made me look forward to some post by you making me laugh out loud, per usual Dan posts. None the less I still love your blog. So thanks for letting us all in on your insights, they're great!

[James Williams]

No, gambling, that was Daniel F. who is straight. And creepy stalkerish, if you ask me. The "I love you" he said to Heidi during the reunion show as ooky.

[Dawn]

I want to come play with!

[Emily]

I thoroughly loved this post! Totally relatable!! loooved it!

[Kaia]

Hellooooooooo - America's Next Top Model just started! How could you not watch that!

So bummed Chloe won - thought her collection looked like the costume designer for Dynasty hijacked her 12 pieces. I swear i wore that pink thing to prom in 86. Wretched.

[Meg]

My gay husband and I rely on Top Model to get us through the Project Runway offseason. Just a suggestion.

Chloe sucks.

[char]

Loves Chloe! What did you think of the outcome?! I actually liked them all, but knew Chloe'd win after the NY runway show.

[Ben]

First off - Daniel V. not winning was the biggest gay upset since... well, since last week when Brokeback lost the little nekkid gold man statue, but that's another can of worms. Second, what am I going to do on Fridays from now on with no Dan's little brother posts? I may as well slit my wrists, as I have nothing to live for now.

Consider this my final note. (Bury me in blue.)

~Lub, Ben

[Erica]

Damn, sounds like fun PR parties... I need to make some single friends who like this kind of stuff with me. Doesn't matter if they are gay or straight, male or female... they would just have to like Survivor and Amazing Race too...

[Ed]

I enjoyed ur male bonding story. I especially loved this part: "Whipped cream?" "Of course"...i'll miss project runway too, but now i have top model...can't wait for season 3 of runway

[anonymous]

top chef is a rip off of hells kitchen that aired on fox. Not only that, the show is dull and boring.

[chriso]

Me and my fellow fag friends never even tried to front like we were doing some "male bonding". It was gays ahoy the whole time. My favorite thing is that my friend has Tivo so we'd all pause it and mock everyone relentlessly or rewing our favorite Tim Gunn parts (esp. when he started swearing a lot near the end) and act like huge, gay spazzes. It rocked.

[chriso]

Me and my fellow fag friends never even tried to front like we were doing some "male bonding". It was gays ahoy the whole time. My favorite thing is that my friend has Tivo so we'd all pause it and mock everyone relentlessly or rewing our favorite Tim Gunn parts (esp. when he started swearing a lot near the end) and act like huge, gay spazzes. It rocked.

[Lori]

GAH!!!! Zulema (Shetangi??) is a lesbian!!!

Source: http://www.afterellen.com/column/2006/3/10.html