When your mom rubs your belly, thumps it like it's a watermelon, and says "How cute!"...that means it's time to lose a few pounds, right?

~~~

It's interesting, the people you'll see at the gym at 11:30 on Friday night. Why are they there?

A woman was on the elliptical machine to my left, wearing grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt, with her hair tied back in a ponytail. She wasn't listening to headphones or anything, she was just looking straight ahead. Swing swing swing went the pony tail, in rhythm of the zhoom zhoom zhoom of her spinning feet. Swing swing zhoom zhoom swing.

A man in a brown t-shirt walked in--a little pudgy, thick black curly hair, glasses. He walked up to her, smiled, and said hello; his eyes were lit up looking at her. She didn't smile back. But she stopped zhooming and stepped off the machine. He chatted her up a bit as they walked to the seating area over by the front door. She was a little taller than he was, even in her sneakers.

As they sat, the ponytail-woman was leaning forward in her chair, her hands clasped, speaking earnestly; the guy was leaning back, not saying a word. He wasn't smiling anymore. And his eyes were not lit up the way they were when he walked in. Now they drooped, all sad. She was totally giving him the "It's not you, it's me" speech. At the gym. In the lobby of the gym, at 11:30 on a Friday night, when he probably just wanted to go home and watch a movie and smooch on her a little bit. Sad. Did she need to do it there?

I was at taco stand in LA a few years ago, and saw a guy giving a woman the same speech. He kept droning on and on about his feelings, and he's just not ready, and she's so special. But you could see in her face she knew if he really thought she was "so special," he wouldn't have broken up with her in a taco stand where you have to fill your own salsa cups.

When I was in college, I was dumped on my answering machine. "This isn't working out, I don't feel like we're connecting," went the message, etc. etc. etc. And then three weeks later, news showed up in the paper that I was cast on The Real World. That day of that news story, he called a radio station and said "the new Real World guy" had dumped him; they dedicated the next hour of songs to how they thought I was a terrible person. I hadn't even started filming the show yet.

But before I say "men suck," it's important to remember that woman at the gym. When she got back on her elliptical machine, far too quickly for the nature of that conversation, I gave her a dirty look. I don't think she noticed. But it made me feel better.

Comments

[Glenn C]

Darryll:

Thanks for the many compliments. I was very sincere with my compliments. I'd love to meet too. By the way, I haven't had kitty cat or pussy in a long time but thanks for the offer.

I LOVED Dan from the Miami Real World. He was the only interesting person on it. And when he slammed those bitches I almost died laughing. "Bitch, whose name is on this envelope?" Do you believe Joe said in his MTV.com interview that he would never do the show again?

Hot Toddy:

I loved your blog. Is that really you in the picture with blonde hair and wife beater. If so you look really sexy. A three way? Now, that would be very interesting. But I am smitten with our Dan Renzi who doesn't know I am alive. But I hope one day I will get the chance to sweep him off his feet.

[hot toddy]

Glenn and Darryll: You two are very cute, and I am trying to decide which of you I like better. I am enjoying your conversation very much.

Why do we even need Dan at all? Let's talk about him in his blog comments, and also let's have a threesome.

[Darryll]

Glenn:

Aw shucks I'm blushing. Well first of all my sarcasm was obviously missed by you from the very start. I actually did know Dan from the Real World (actually I didn't much care for him in Miami, along with the rest of that cast, but I've grown to enjoy him ever since that season) but obviously my sarcasm was lost on you, unless of course you were being sarcastic in your first missive directed towards me. Oh by the way, if I my status was of the curious category I would love to meet you as well, but alas I want my cat to enjoy a long prosperous life.

[Glenn C]

Darryll:

I find you charming and sweet! The fact that you came to this board not knowing that Dan was on the Real World is so unique and cute. How did you find out aboutour magnificent Dan if not from MTV? I like meeting people like you who are rich with humor and style. You have got to be one of the most precious people on the planet.

[Darryll]

Glenn:

Do I care? Uh... no... sorry. What makes you think I was asking you? LOL

Scroll to the top of the page. See the title of the blog? See most people are posting comments for DAN. Unless of course they directly address a POSTER like you did and I've now done.

[Glenn C]

Darryll:

Was I on the Real World? Uh... no... sorry. What makes you think I was? LOL

I would have liked to have been on the Real World but I was a bit too old (25) to be cast even when the show started in 1992. I wished MTV did great shows like that back in the mid to late 80s when I was young.

[Jen]

I went out on two or three dates with a guy and realized I had no interest in him. He'd called me and left a voice mail, so as I was sitting around with friends on a Friday night, they convinced me I should just return the call immediately and tell him I didn't think it was going to work out. If I got his voice mail, they said, say it in a message and be done with it. So I left a message that went something like this, "Hi XXX. It's Jen. Listen, I don't think we should go out again...I'm just not feeling the chemistry." Then I sort of stumbled on how to end the message so I said, "Yeah, well, if you have any questions, give me a call." It was just one of those things you say, never imagining he'd be a glutton for punishment and call me back. Wouldn't you know...the phone rang 5 minutes later! I didn't answer it, of course. He left a rambling voice mail about how he didn't understand, and asked me to call. I couldn't even listen to the voice mail at first...about 3 of my friends listened before I did (and they were all ooh'ing and ahh'ing about how he sounded sweet and they felt sorry for him...keep in mind these are the same people who were telling me to just get rid of him over voice mail a few minutes earlier). I never did call him back.

[erik]

omg, this reminds me of my last birthday when i had a huge fabulous party and courted some cutie. in the morning he gave me his phone number and i called him the next day. three days went by and then he left a message on my voicemail. "it's not you, it's me. i'm not looking for anything right now, blah blah blah." i was like, "we haven't even gone on a date yet and he's dumped me already!"

[Darryll]

You were on the REAL WORLD?

[Glenn C]

Hi:

I agree that restaurants are a bad place to be dumped but a cold gym on a Friday is not better. There is really no good place to dump somebody. If they take you out to dinner then it is bad because you were expecting something nice to happen that night but instead you get told it's over. I suggest never making any special plans at all.

But not making any plans at all like sending an email or telling somebody at a subway stop as you are passing by is just as bad. The best thing to do is meet them somewhere private like your house or their place and just tell the person. Sure it is going to be very uncomfortable but it has to be done.

The stalking thing has me confused. I think it happens because the person who wants to dump the other person just never said that it was over and now they have some poor person who just wants an answer either way and is hoping that they can still work things out. They are basically trying to confront the person. Or sometimes they write letters or leave messages thinking there is something else wrong like the person is sick emotionally or physically and they want to help. Either way it's best to let the person know and be very clear about it. So many terrible things can be avoided by a simply, "It's Over".

I once had to find a guy I was dating in a school cafeteria to pin him down about the status of our relationship and we had been dating for three months. He was just going to ignore me and hope "I got the message". I thought I deserved a little more respect than that. After I pulled him aside, he told me he wasn't looking for a long term relationship. I felt terrible but at least I knew for sure and I could get on with my life.

[Hephaestion]

I don't think it matters where you get break-up news. I'd rather get bad news in a gym at 11:30pm than in a nice restaurant where I had just spent lots of money.

Gyms are cold, practical places. I can't think of a better place to be dumped.

[sarah]

I dumped a guy once for crying at the Peach Bowl :P

[jordan]

i moved from texas to san francisco to be with my boyfriend, and he dumped me, at my work, while i was in an appointment with a client. i thought he was coming to take me out to lunch....

[Jane Jane]

I was dumped via text messaging (when I didn't have a text messaging plan)... worst 10 cents wasted ever.

Then again, I can't talk. I just dumped a man a week ago and he is now finally realizing that I did by reading my away message on yahoo.

Yeah... I'm a bitch. LOL.

[Gregg]

I agree that I believe friday nights at the gym are the most depressing time to go/be there. You know that the people there have nothing better to do (wink - why I know its so depressing). Friday nights are as bad as being gay and being at the gym while the oscars are on - if your there - your just out of the loop.

[Cathleen]

It's hilarious how you mentioned the break-ups, although its kind of sick laughing at that matter.

[Chris]

You never know. He might have been her gym-stalker. ;)

You know...that creepy lil' guy who hangs out at the gym? He's probably a thrice'-divorced, small Dean at some local university who thinks he's God's gift to women.

[David]

I was dumped on the A/C/E platform at Times Square. But he was real sweet about it.

[rod townsend]

I'm on the terrible person side. My point of view is that it is worse to string someone along and give them false hope.

I've done the phone thing. I've done the "meet you outside the office" thing. I've even done the random passing you on the street, but might as well get this done on the corner of 19th and Broadway.

My comeuppance? Every time I've done the quick "c-ya", I've been semi-stalked by the dumpee each itme.

[Glenn C]

Dan:

Breaking up with the guy at a gym just shows the woman had NO class! She could have taken him to a coffee shop and delivered the bad news. I bet she was working out so hard because she was hoping to lose all that chub to get rid of her size 16 plus dresses and buy in the petite section. Dream on lady. Karma is a bitch and you're gonna wish that one day he'll take you back. By then he'll have gotten over you and tell you to go back to the gym because you still haven't lost the weight.

Dan, that guy you dated sounds just as bad in fact worse. Actually going on a radio show to advertise that somebody who was just recently cast on the Real World has dumped you is just stupid. Was his life so empty since the break up that he needed to desperately find a way to bring it back to life by creating lies and drama? I guess so. Maybe he is at a gym somewhere right now being dumped on or working at a taco stand.

If you were with me I would never dump you but for some bizarre reason if I did I would gently and tastefully let you down. ;)