I realize a lot of people haven't seen Project Runway yet, since it's on Bravo and a lot of people don't watch Bravo; and it's on at the same time as American Idol.  There are all these guys whose girlfriends are freaking out about the show, and are insisting they watch the finale this Wednesday, and these guys are going to have to sit through it without any idea of what is going on. It's hard to understand all the past history of everything if you haven't seen the whole season; so I have written a "Straight Guy's Guide to this fuckin' show their girlfriend really likes Project Runway Finale" post here.  It's a little long, but it explains everything you need.  Here we go:

PREMIS OF THE SHOW:

Okay, so the show started out with these 12 wannabe fashion designers who competed against each other for a month, to be one of three picked to put on a show at New York's Fashion Week.  Every week the designers battled it out in competitions where they were given themes for an outfit, and they had, like, a DAY to make the outfit from stratch.  Then they were judged at a mini runway show, where models wore the outfits and the judges picked which ones they liked best; the ugliest ouitfit was the loser, and that designer was eliminated.

From the three finalists, the designer who has the best show at Fashion Week (picked by a bunch of judges) is declared the "winner," and gets a bunch of prizes like $100,000 to start a fashion line, and a job at Banana Republic's design headquarters, blah blah blah.  Being named the winner isn't as big a deal to these designers, though, as just getting the chance to put on your show, since the exposure from being in Fashion Week will get you a job somewhere no matter what.  So everyone is gunning just to be in the top three.  But winning would be cool, of course.

THE HISTORY:

At the beginning of the competition, the designers started out all friendly and stuff.  But then they started to realize that you could be the best designer one week, but get cut the next week because your outfit sucked.  And everyone has a bad week once in a while, y'know?  Like, there's this chick Nora, who has a mohawk and obviously smokes a lot of pot, and her stuff is always really whacked out and cool and the judges think she totally rocks because her outfits are always really inventive, and you can tell it's totally her style.  But then one week they have to design wedding dresses, and even though she's usually really weird and original, she decides to play it safe, and her dress looks like something you'd buy at JC Penny, with these little fake roses all over the place and a big poofy veil.  Why she did that, no one knows.  But after that wedding dress, she got the boot.  Sucks to be you, Nora.  And there was this other chick Alexandra, who's really hot and lives in Miami, and she's been designing all these really cool, modern dresses and the judges love her too, right?  But then they have to design bathing suits, and since she's from Miami she just makes this tiny little bikini.  But all the other designers make these crazy suits with stuff hanging from them and shirts you can wear over them and whatever, and Alexandra's suit looks really boring.  So she's out.  Oops.  And the cuts go and go and go until there are only three designers left, which is where we are now, at the finale.  But each week they were all freaking out more and more because really good designers were getting cut just because of one bad outfit, and the stress made everyone kinda nuts.

THE FINALISTS

The designer who is favored to win Fashion Week is this lady named Kara Saun, who lives in LA as a designer and stylist for bands and stuff.  She's really good, and a bunch of the outfits she designed came in first place in the competitions.  Her clothes are always really pretty, but still mainstream, not that weird shit you see in high-concept runway shows that no one would ever wear.  So most people like her best so far.

But there's this other guy named Jay, who started out in the competition totally fuckin' around and having fun like he didn't care if he was cut, right?  He'd make a pair of pants, but then tear them up so they look like they were worn to a trip to the zoo and a lion attacked whoever was wearing them, or he'd draw on a shirt with a marker and make it look all crazy, and then he'd give the model a mohawk and she'd look totally nuts walking down the runway in his outfit.  But it was always really hot in this weird way.  So he never really won anything, but he was always pretty high up in the rankings, and surprise surprise, he made it to the final three.  People don't think he will win because his clothes are always kinda fucked up and trendy, but the judges really like him because his clothes are always really well-made, like he's really good with the sewing machine and stuff.  And that's important.

So everyone likes Jay and Kara, since Jay is really funny and Kara is really mellow and nice, and Jay and Kara are actually good friends now and they're both happy for each other.  But the third finalist is this other lady named Wendy, and everyone hates her because she's a bitch and stuff.  Her dresses have been pretty bad a few times, but she was never the "worst" so she'd barely skate by.  But she was weird because one week her dress would look like ass, but then the next week she'd come out of nowhere and make a dress that totally rocked.  So the stress got to her and her nerves got really fried, and because she was so scared of getting cut she started trying to make other designers look bad so she could look better; she'd, like, tell the judges she thought another designer was really bad, or she would see what fabric a designer was using and she'd go take the same fabric for her own dress.  So everyone started to hate her.  And it sucks for her, because one week she made a dress for Banana Republic and the liked it so much they put it in their stores, but since she looks like a bitch on TV no one will buy her dress.  And Banana Republic stores are filled with these dresses now that no one wants.

And part of the problem is the fact that Wendy beat this other guy named Austin, who is this really flamey gay guy who made these huge over-the-top glamorous dresses every week, and everyone thought he was cool as hell.  So they're sad that Austin didn't get to do a show at Fashion Week, and they blame Wendy for that too, which is actually pretty unfair, since Wendy had stopped with the backstabbing at this point and she beat Austin fair and square.  Kara is usually really mellow and friendly, but she's totally obsessed with this Wendy lady for some reason and just wants her dead.  So towards the end they start fighting about everything, and it's become a total cat-fight grudge match between them, where they're just clawing each others' eyes out over nothing now.

I think Jay is going to win, actually, but I'll tell why later.

Comments

[kristen]

Dan, I love you. That was a spectacular summary, but where was Vanessa? Crazy bitch. I can't wait for the finale.

But, I have to say. For those dudes that are so unfortunate as to have to watch the finale (my boyfriend being one), I sincerely doubt that they're reading your site. Their loss.

On a side note, I'm really hoping those damned editors at MTV dedicate an episode to your crying. Sorry, but you do bring the best drama.

[matt]

YAY JAY!

[Debi]

YAYYYYYYYY JAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Melissa]

WOw you called it. JAY

[person]

hee hee the bitchy lady couldn't even dress herself. she had to steal that dude's shirt.

[matt]

I usually don't say who I want to win these reality shows...cause I am ALWAYS wrong! But tonight, at 8:50 I decided that I felt strongly enough about Jay to blog it. I am really glad I was right, it would have been kind of embarrassing to be wrong, but have posted it for all the world to see. :)

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