• AG is not finished. Trust, there is much, much more. He is just taking a hiatus. And it's right at the good part! Perfect timing. Maybe by the time it comes out in a book, I will have the guts to ask him his name.
• I find that every time I come to Miami, something happens. TV shows, career choices, boyfriends who are trouble but oh, so cute. It seems now that opportunity knocks again: I have been offered a job in Tampa, Florida, working for an organization that trains wild birds. I've done this before, in Los Angeles--I volunteered for a center that rehabilitated abandoned cockatoos, parrots and macaws. These birds are about as intelligent as a small child, and people think they make good pets; but then when they're not stimulated enough, they go bonkers and either become violent or start mutilating themselves, which is horrible either way. But the birds with this organization are very happy, their wings aren't clipped but they don't fly away because they like hanging out and eating the bird food and playing games. And it's not just little birds; they train vultures, emus, they have a cassowary which is over 6 feet tall and can kill people...pretty cool. I'll try to stay away from the killer birds, thanks.
I really wasn't planning on this, but I don't think it would hurt to make a choice based on forging a career for myself. Ironic, perhaps, that I am making a responsible choice by getting a job training birds to fly through hoops and sing songs, but I've been playing Peter Pan for so long, working for myself, screwing around.
It wouldn't happen for a while, and I don't believe anything is going to work out until I'm standing there, in the moment. Life has a way of not happening the way you plan. But it's always good to remember you're never trapped, if you don't like where you are you can pack up your desk or pack up your car and just move, to a new job or a new home and start over. There is no such thing as "can't" except in your own head. And other people only know you're holding yourself back when you tell them that you are. You want to lose weight? Don't say you're on a diet. You want to quit smoking? Don't tell people you want a cigarette. Then they can doubt you, and that makes you doubt yourself. You don't like your job? Get a new one, waiting tables or anything, and start over, drive a crappy car for a while and don't use your cell phone all the time. You'll never move on as long as you keep going to work to pay for all those expensive toys you've convinced you want.
Here's an exercise: If you don't like your present situation, cut everything out for two days, one night. No cable TV, no cell phone. Just the basics. Live like it's 1980. No iPod, just the radio and what's on the major networks. You think you will become bored, but you will find such relaxation, you will wonder why you haven't allowed yourself to feel that way for so long. You might even (gasp!) read a book or call your parents or something. That is the first step in learning how to feel good again. It's not scary if you take it one step at a time. And then you will realize how much has enslaved you into this life.
Come to Tampa, and say hi. I'll be the guy with bite marks all over my hands.
• Men are not opportunities, relationships are not solutions, and we are all perfectly interesting on our own merits.