The idea for this trip came a few weeks ago. Why? I don't know. But I thought, I'm going to drop everything and I am going to drive around the country by myself.
Step 1: Decide to take a trip.
Specifically, I shall drive to the Pacific Northwest.
Not Seattle. Been there, done it. I don't need to see packs of hipsters wandering by, drinking coffee sweetened with lavender honey as they talk about "social media influencers" and say things like "No worries" or "It is what it is" or whatever the new catch phrase is.
I am going to drive aimlessly through Utah, Montana, Idaho, and Oregon, until I pull up to a body of water that resembles an ocean. And from there, I shall turn left. Goal: see mountains, valleys, and a waterfall or two.
But...my Toyota Corolla shall not make it that far. No. Hmm.
Step 2: Figure out how to get there.
The original thought was to fly up to Missoula or Salt Lake City or wherever, and rent a car. But flights to Montana are seriously like $800 from where I live. Ridiculous, I said. I could take that money and use it to buy a car that would make it, I said. Ha ha, that would be funny, I said. And then I listened to myself.
So today I woke up, I read Craigslist, and a few hours later I bought this.
Since I was old enough to contemplate getting a car of my own, I have always wanted a big black SUV. Not the round, quasi-minivan type that fill parking lots at elementary school soccer games. I wanted boxy, raised-up-on-struts, big tires, shiny black with tinted windows, that isn't really for off-roading, but could handle the job if I were ever chased by assassins and I need to cut through a forest to escape.
And whatta ya know? There it is, I found him. Hello, lovely. What shall he be named? I was thinking "Cash," because that's how I paid for him, in a parking lot behind a bar. Or "Vinnie," because when my mother saw me drive up she said "You look like you're in the Mafia!"
With the seats folded down, I can stretch out in the back, so I shall put a memory foam mattress or something of the sort in there and sleep on the nights I am too scared to sleep outside. But I don't want to bring too much junk with me other than that, in case it breaks down and I have to ditch it on the side of the road and take an Uber to the nearest airport and go home. Which leads me to my next issue:
Step 3: Umm...
...I guess I should, like, get some camping stuff. Or something. I don't know.