FUNERALS

It is time to say goodbye.

We must all learn to let go.

With the Whitney Houston memorial invading my TV and my CNN home page, as Kevin Costner waxes poetically about the glory that once was, I have funerals on the brain.  It is sad, yes, but saying goodbye is necessary. 

The passage of time wanes on, and we try to hold on to the past.  But just as each day is a new beginning, we cannot bring back what ended yesterday.

...and the time has come, dear readers, for a chapter in my life to end.

I decided that today is the day I will go through my closet, and I will dispose of all my fancy, graphic-printed T-shirts.

(gasp!)

I KNOW, I know, it is hard to admit that time has moved on.  But we're not all 25 anymore, folks.  (Some of us aren't even 35, which means it really is time to let them go.)  Furthermore, regardless of age, these shirts are of fashion trends (and body-shapes) of years passed.  We all knew Ed Hardy wasn't going to live forever.  His influence needs to be buried, so all the obnoxious t-shirt designs he influenced can buried as well, and those cotton fibers can become fertilizer for trends and ideas of tomorrow.

In other words...it's time to grow up.  I encourage you to do the same, if you are over "a certain age."  Let's take a look at a sampling of my t-shirt obituary:

1)

I wish your computer screen had Touch-o-Vision, so you could feel the letters--which are written in velvet!  I bought this shirt in...um...Spain? Yes in Malaga, on the southern coast of Spain, at a store called Berksha.  There was a table covered with shirts written in poorly-translated English, with sayings that meant basically nothing.  This one makes sense somewhat, so I bought it.  I thought it was hilarious.  But it must go.  I don't think, at the age of (CENSORED), I should be legally allowed to wear a shirt that says "boy." 

2)

This shirt is fine.  It is just a white t-shirt, right?  Too bad when I bought it, it was a size too small.  And that means it is now two sizes too small.  I bought it at Diesel in Mexico City; I have worn it exactly once, and that was one time too many because it has never, ever fit.  It is a classic case of "I bought it because it was on sale."  I just wasted my pesos.  Adiós.

3)

I never really liked this shirt. I just bought it at Hugo Boss in Palm Beach because (a) it's Hugo Boss (technically the Boss Orange down-market label, but close enough!) and it was on sale.  The fabric is really nice; I like the color.  But what the hell is that on the front?  It says "Love Invaders," which seems like it should be on a techno music album cover.  I've never figured it out.  And that side-stitching...to give it "structure"...because all t-shirts need structure!...no.  Buh-bye.

Comments

[Doug]

I'll buy some of them from you if you haven't already gotten rid of them.

[Casey]

The way you spoke about the Don't Want To Be A Perfect Boy shirt obviously makes you happy, you cannot get rid of it!

[Erica]

Do you know someone who sews? I've always thought a quilt made of my old, beloved t-shirts would be awesome to have.

[willam]

i should do the same. i love the quilt idea.