How was your day, Dan?

MARRIAGE

I want to go to New York.  I would love to spend the weekend in Manhattan, dragging my spouse around the city seeing shows and eating cupcakes.  Would this be my "honeymoon"?  Perhaps.  I can go there and get married now.  Or it could just be a fun trip, because we both want to be there together.

Having equal rights can be defined in only one way: obtaining equal rights as a whole.  They can't be selected, which rights are important/interesting vs. which rights are okay to let slip by.  Either a person has equal rights, or not.  You can't pick-and-choose elements of equality.

But being gay in the early 21st Century is an exercise in fighting for rights we many not, as individuals, particularly care about.  Gays in the military? Yes I support it!  Except...I was always banking on using that as my excuse out if there was another draft, so personally, I was fine with the ban.  Hypocritical, yes, but self-preserving as well.

Now, there's marriage.  The only time I think about marriage is when my mother asks me if I'm going to get married any time soon.  As of now, that answer is "no."  I'm not necessarily excited to "legalize" my relationship (please note: I don't have one, this is theoretical).  I've lived in my apartment for 5 years without a lease, month-to-month, and it's been just fine.  I'd like to think my spouse would stay with me because he wanted to be there.

Don't get me wrong; I want a wedding.  I want a commitment ceremony, I want to celebrate an anniversary, I believe in the fairy tale of having a house with a yard and nosy neighbors.  But I can get that started anywhere, on my own.

I have my wedding already planned.  Everyone will be allowed to wear whatever they want; anyone who wants to be in the wedding party can join in.  Seventeen bridesmaids?  Fine.  The kids want to wear Cinderella dresses and fireman costumes?  Awesome.  Everyone will enter from the front, so they can walk down the aisle and then walk back up again, to let everyone in the seats get a good look.  Just a big party. And hopefully this wedding will involve me marrying Mike Rowe.   Some of these details are negotiable, based on plausability.

State-level marriage is a step in the right direction; there are some rights that gay couples can now obtain.  This legal victory is quite an amazing story, accomplished thanks to rich Republicans with gay family members (and a noticeable absence of big gay groups like HRC or NGLTF).  But until marriage is legal on the federal level--meaning we could file joint federal tax returns (being legalized just in a state, gay people still can't) or have foreign-born spouses marry and get U.S. citizenship (again, still can't do that), as well as move state-to-state with the same benefits without any legal drama...state-level marriage is just mildly exciting.

So...equal rights mean equal rights.  Marriage in New York doesn't mean equal everything.  But it's progress, and progress is great.  Either way, perhaps I'll go to New York and have one hell of a wedding.

'COMPANY'

Who saw "Company" at the movies this weekend? Meeeeee!

Let's discuss.

1) If you aren't familiar--and most people probably aren't--"Company" is a Stephen Sondheim musical written, and also set, in the 1970's.  The big picture: an examination of privileged life.  The specifics: Bobby is single, all of his friends are married, so they commit to getting him married too, they just want Bobby to be happy like they are!...but who is really happy anymore?  Bobby visits each couple for dinner, drinks, etc., discussing the meaning of life along the way; and in-between, he hangs with his three, count 'em THREE, lady-lover friends.  It was a revolutionary production at the time: there's no clear plot, the music is sometimes a little wonky, and they talk about sex and stuff.  The show is not produced often, because of the complexity of Sondheim's musical score and the nebulous nature of the story. Certain musical theater aficionados regard "Company" as Sondheim's greatest achievement.

Okay, that's out of the way.

2) This movie version is a filming of a one-weekend-only performance of the show, performed with the New York Philharmonic.  Very fancy, it was: the cast includes Neil Patrick Harris, Stephen Colbert (?!?), Patti Lupone, blah blah blah the list goes on, a healthy mix of TV-actors-who-can-kinda-sing and Broadway-legends-who-should-be-more-famous.  Christina Hendricks, of "Mad Men," plays a very-funny stewardess--they weren't "flight attendants" yet back then--who actually holds her own singing.  And did I mention Stephen Colbert is in it?  So cool.  More on him later.

3) Neil Patrick Harris, as the flighty Bobby, is perfect.  It's not a rehash of his crazy performance on "How I Met Your Mother"; it's much more realistic, sympathetic, and gentle of a character, who doesn't necessarily agree with all of his friends when they tell him how sad he should be because he's single.

4) The most famous song is probably "The Ladies Who Lunch," immortalized by the perenially-drunken Elaine Stritch--and she was so brilliant--but my favorite song is "Not Getting Married Today," which in the Lincoln Center performance seemed a little slow and not as panicked. (Link is from a documentary about recording the original Broadway soundtrack, it's great.)

5) Speaking of "Ladies Who Lunch," Patti Lupone did the right thing and departed from Elaine Stritch's creation of the character--Stritch could probably rip out your throat with her bare hands--and instead she played it with a lot more finesse.  La Lupone was so, so good.  Sometimes she can oversing and really wallop a song to death, but here she just went along with the music and let it speak for itself.  I thought she was perfect.

6) Again speaking of La Lupone--from what did she "save" Bobby, at the end?  I still don't understand that scene.

7) Who knew Stephen Colbert could act so well? He's not much of a singer, but he has razor-sharp focus up on that stage and doesn't play for big laughs, which is of course a departure from his usual schtick.  I hope to see him in other legit shows.  It was like watching Bill Murray in "Lost In Translation," it was refreshing to take these performances seriously.

8) My only disappointment: Anika Noni Rose singing "Another Hundred People," like what happened with "Not Getting Married," seemed slow and lifeless.  The whole point of the song is to be energetic and exciting, but she just stood there and sang the notes.  Her dialogue scene was hilarious and spot-on, but I thought she dropped her big moment with the way she handled that song. Boring.

9) It's not from "Company" but it is about Neil Patrick Harris and I love it so much: his opening number at The 2011 Tonys, featuring dancers from the big Broadway shows and an unfortunate cameo by Brooke Shields:

 

 

...love him, I do.

BAD EQUATION

When you live alone, sometimes you fall asleep in your clothes.

No big deal.

It should be noted I occasionally sleepwalk.

Again, no big deal.

But sometimes when you live alone and you are a person who sleepwalks, you fall asleep in your clothes, and then wake up the next morning wearing DIFFERENT CLOTHES than what you wore the night before.  And you have no idea why.

DEAR PRESIDENT OBAMA,

Please stop coming to Florida.

I understand this state is an important "swing" state in each election; I also understand it is a major battle for anyone to win here, as politics here are completely corrupt and unpredictable thanks to a heavy influence of foreign-born politicians trained in the crooked ways of their home countries.

I am a big supporter of you in a general sense. For the most part, I think you have the best interests of everyone at heart.  However, on a personal level, I have had it.

Whenever you come here, the entire city shuts down.  We aren't accustomed to Secret Service henchmen blockading everything so you can drive down the street.  We are not prepared to be stopped on the sidewalk, unable to move, because you want to go to a deli and buy a sandwich.  You think it's charming; we think it's obnoxious.  Just yesterday during your spin through our area, on your way to Puerto Rico; but this was not a visit for government business.  This was a campaign stop, to raise money. 

We were stuck on the street, in our cars, for hours while you went to a political fundraiser in someone's house. We had no warning you were coming to the neighborhood.  We were on our way home from the grocery store; when we were stopped, we were close enough to see her house, which within walking distance.  She had ID to prove she lived there.  But no.  Ice cream: melted.  Nerves from sitting in our cars: fried.  While you were making yourself money, my friend's money was thrown in the trash.

Not everyone can stop life just for you to throw a fundraising party. Yes, you are the president, and yes you deserve/need a certain amount of protection when you venture out to greet the world.  But you are the President, not an Egyptian pharaoh being carried around on a chariot.  The world needs to go on functioning.  And we are not charmed by you trying to be charming.  If this visit were governmental business, I'd understand.  But it was for your own personal gain. 

Speaking as someone who voted for you last term, I can tell you: John McCain--anti-gay opinions and all--was also a fine candidate. It wasn't a clear-cut case for you. I also worry now that your arrogance has blossomed out of control, just like this national debt you are escalating to levels that are usually found in economically-incapacitated Third World countries. That's a big problem, Mr. President, as a tax payer it makes me wonder if you know what you're doing.  [NOTE: This is an interesting answer to my worries.  It's important to note Obama isn't necessarily "raising taxes."  George W. Bush cut taxes for the wealthiest income bracket, a.k.a. his friends, so Obama would like to let those tax cuts expire and go back closer to the way things were when the economy was stronger.] And we don't necessarily need you around next term; your major Republican front-runner, Mitt Romney, supported universal health care for his state when he was Governor of Massachusetts, so with him in office it seems your greatest accomplishment wouldn't need to be protected by you personally.

So chill out, please.  We are a swing state, don't piss us off.  If you'd like to apologize, I can give you my friend's address and you can send her a check for her groceries.

Sincerely,

Dan Renzi

 

DREAMS

Things I dream of doing that I have now come to accept I will probably never do:

1) I don't have a big desire to be on Broadway anymore. But I do want to be a chorus boy in a Las Vegas revue (preferrably topless).

2) Land a spot on Contestant's Row on "The Price Is Right."

3) Move to an elephant sanctuary and tend to elephants.

4) Grow a ponytail.

5) Get a pet monkey.

6) Learn chemistry! Although it doesn't help that my professor hates me.

7) Fit into those waist-size-32 pants I've been saving.

8) Get one of these Latin men in Miami to commit to a reasonable relationship...or even show up to one on-time.

JUST ONE

A few days ago was "National Donut Day."

I saw it on my computer, and thought about it, even though I knew I shouldn't.

You know it's bad for you, but... you have one, which turns into two, and you know it's going to give you a stomach ache.  But it tastes so good, and you will feel bad for a little while but just a little while, and then it will all be over.  That stomach ache will be over and left behind will be the sweet bliss of selective memory.  Thinking back, what do you choose to remember?  You remember how it was delicious. 

Donuts.  Sometimes I have one or two, even though I know I shouldn't. But I can't help it.

I may have donuts again next week.