How was your day, Dan?

BITCH SLAP

I'm posting this not for political reasons, but simply because it is glorious and awesome.  The backstory: a bill to fund healthcare for 9/11 rescue workers (who are suffering from bizarre diseases due to the toxic air; 900 of them have died since 2001) died in a House vote today, due to members of Congress voting mostly along party lines (Democrats yes, Republicans no).  Republican opposition stated they were voting no because of a procedural disagreement, saying the way Democrats brought it to vote was sneaky.

Enter Rep. Anthony Weiner, who has had enough.

I'm not well-versed on the details of a Congressional vote, so I don't understand the implications of what led up to this moment and I can't take a side.  However, my main criticism of the Democratic party has been that they seem like a bunch of wimps compared to the Republicans, and are so busy talking policy they don't know how to get dirty and throw punches of their own.  Thanks to Rep. Weiner, it seems the party collectively grew a big, beautiful pair of cojones.  Hilarious.

For details, read here: 9/11 first responders (CS Monitor)

STOP WORKING OUT

It's, like, 1-ish in the morning.

After falling asleep in the middle of "So You Think You Can Dance" (the performance by "Step Up 3D" dancers was a big bore) I awoke again and am now wide-eyed with nothing to occupy my time.  There are no foster puppies to chase around the room, no TV shows worth having on in the background, no cookies in the kitchen to eat.  My world is void of happy distractions.

Let's talk about that, shall we?  Topic: why there are no cookies in my kitchen.

After living through the double-whammy of (a) being in a domestic relationship and (b) languishing in a depressing job, I packed on some excess weight.  The relationship wasn't really my excuse for becoming chubby--nor should it ever be--but sitting home eating cake with the boyfriend didn't help my waistline.  My downfall stemmed mainly from the pregnant woman in my office, who craved donuts and brought them in for everyone; that meant I ate them all and threw away the box.  The shame was thicker than the sugary glaze, I had to hide the evidence.  Alas, that was the gateway drug, and as my work-related misery grew I continued to eat, um, everything.

The job, like the relationship, went bankrupt and my supply of donuts ended; as my supply of money ended as well, I had to re-prioritize what I ate, and I decided I would spend money only on things that would keep me alive in the long-term.

I've lost almost 30 pounds doing the following things:

1) No boxed food in my apartment.  No cookies, obviously; but even legitimate non-junk food in boxes have too much salt.  And boxed food is ready to eat, which leads to snacking and THAT is where the evil begins.

2) Carbs are really, really delicious.  Fear not the 12-grain bread.  Two slices go a long way.

3) No high-fructose corn syrup.  This is a great way to control calorie intake—if something has HFCS as an ingredient, chances are it's also generally unhealthy and will pudge you up. And why does a drink with HFCS make me fall asleep, but something with an equal amount of sugar not affect me much?  Weird, I don't trust the stuff.

Anyway--on to more proactive things:

4) Stop going to the gym.  Horray!  This was the best change I made.  Lifting weights made me hungry and I gained more weight in fat.  After a year of going to the gym a few times each week, I was carrying the fat deceptively well; after two body mass index screenings, both nurses shook the control panel and said "This can't be right!" because I was over 25 percent fat.  It was mostly in my back, mixed in with more muscle.  Once I stopped lifting weights, the extra muscle went away but so did my appetite, and WHOOSH off came the chunk.  Instead of the gym, just walk.  It's boring, but walking to the store or the post office is not a waste of time.

6) Eat some &%($@& vegetables!  Switch one meal a day with a smoothie. Mix 3 kinds of fruit with 2 kinds of vegetables, all in equal portions, and it will taste great.  Try this:

• 4 frozen strawberries
• Chunk of pineapple
• Half a green apple
• 5 or 6 baby carrots
• Handful of fresh (not frozen! disgusting!) spinach
• Big spoonful of plain (not vanilla! too much sugar!) yogurt
• A little water to make it all mix

If you take out the pineapple and add some dry oatmeal, that's rather delicious as well.  Using a little milk is alright, but add that at the end or you'll end up with a frothy mess from too much mixing.

Drinking these shakes changed my life.  This is the only way I eat any fruits or veggies, I'm ashamed to admit, but I cannot tell you how much my energy has changed.  Switch an entire meal with one of these shakes, and shazaam, the weight will come off.  Or, drink a shake 20 minutes before you eat, and you'll eat a lot less before you are full.

You need a big, gnarly blender for this.  The $69 special at Target isn't going to work.  But don't use a "juicer," those are for old people who can't handle fiber.  Use a blender.  You need all the fiber to stick to the vitamins and minerals and what-nots.

So that's it.  I stopped working out and started drinking delicious smoothies every day, and I can fit into my old clothes again.  If I eat something sweet while I'm out and about, so be it.  But that's rare, and it's a lot better than sitting on the couch and pounding a package of chocolate chip deliciousness.

THE RENZI TREE

"Renzi" is a fairly uncommon name.  The little I know of my paternal family history is: my family lived somewhere outside of Rome.  Then they came over on the boat.  That's it.  I meet a Renzi now and then but never found any familial connection.

Let's take a look at some other Renzis, shall we?

There is Rick Renzi, a Republican Congressman from Arizona.  He is currently under criminal investigation for fraud and embezzlement for a bunch of stuff, like promising he'd support legislation in exchange for money.  He also funneled millions of dollars to his father's defense contracting company by introducing and voting for bills in Congress.  Rick resigned from office a few years ago, after the FBI raided his house.

Politics seems to run in the family: Matteo Renzi is the current mayor of Florence, the capital of the Tuscany region.  I'll have to give him a call when I take my Diane Lane "Under The Tuscan Sun" tour.

Matt Renzi is a jazz saxophonist, based in New York.  How nice.

Maggie Renzi is a producer of independent films, including the awesome Girlfight starring Michelle Rodriguez.  I highly recommend putting it on your NetFlix list, if you haven't seen it.

Lorenzo Renzi, who has the coolest name in our family tree, is a photographer in Sicily who specializes in photographing hotels, and female nudes.

Speaking of nekkidness, Anouschka Renzi is a famed German actress who posed for German Playboy in 1985.  That is cool.  Although how did the Renzis make it to Germany?  Hmm.

Although my favorite Renzi is definitely Mike Renzi, who was a musical composer for The Muppet Show and is now the Musical Director of Sesame Street. 

BP

I was horrified about the BP fiasco from the beginning; but I wasn't boycotting them because they pledged money to lawsuits from Gulf of Mexico residents.

HOWEVER—

They "released" CEO Tony Hayward, the "I want my life back" guy, amid public pressure...with a year's salary of $16 million, plus a new job in an "oil venture" in Russia.  "Oil venture" = oil well?  

So he's not fired, he's just moved to a new job.  Like the priests who molested kids, and were just moved to another church.

Now

I

am

pissed.

ESL IN JAPAN

I'm just not sure what a "skillful abbot" is.

I AM WEARY...

...of men who post shirtless photos of themselves as their Facebook profile pics, as if that is the most important aspect of themselves.

...of reading typos on CNN.com and on daily newspaper websites.

...of the annoying judges on "So You Think You Can Dance," who take themselves too seriously and make me put my TV on mute when they talk.  What happened to Mary Murphy??

...of talking to people who don't have anything to say.

...of drug company Sanofi-Aventis charging such high prices for their allergy medicine in the US, although I call my friends in Mexico and have them buy the same stuff for a fraction of the price and mail it to me.  

...of dealing with people who have no home training.

...of people complaining about President Obama as if he hasn't done anything good.

...of people who notice I've lost almost 30 pounds, and ask "Are you alright?"  Yes, thanks, I'm not suffering from a medical condition, I am just eating more vegetables.

...of my neighbors thinking I am crazy because I walk around the corner with my garbage to find a building with recycling containers, because no buildings on my block recycle their trash.

...of companies that are "too big to fail."

...of that leak somewhere in my car that lets water in when it rains. 

...I think that's it.  Everything else is fine.  Although a date now and then would be nice, please.

SECRETS ABOUT MEN

If you want to work on your relationship, talk about absolutely anything other than your relationship.

Menstrual cramps are caused when the uterus contracts, cutting off blood flow.  When a man gets whacked in the nuts, the body attempts to protect them by pulling them back into the abdomen; these contractions restrict blood flow.  Hence, both experiences feel unfortunately.  If a man teases you about your "time of the month," kick him in the balls and you can go through it together.

He may not listen all the time—but he sees everything, even when he's not looking.

He likes to be needed, but only by someone who is reasonably self-sufficient.

Going shopping isn't the problem.  It's the not-deciding that is boring.

If he wanted to talk about your friends, he would spend more time with your friends.

Testosterone is a powerful drug.  When it makes him excited/angry/upset, he needs time to work it out of his system.  And you asking "What's wrong?" questions doesn''t help that process.

A bout of "Male PMS" means he's being faithful and he loves you.

I'm sharing this as a public service.

~~~

Reader: I know you are a Gmail user.  I want to start using an encrypted email system and wondered if you were happy with Gmail in the encryption department?  

~

Me: I don't know what "encryption" means. Please explain?

~

Reader: Encryption is a level of security we all need with email I think.  I've just kind of started investigating it.  Have you ever checked TMZ, Radaronline, the National Enquirer, etc. and noticed the vague blurb that everyone seems to ignore stating for example: "TMZ has obtained emails"?  Have you ever wondered how TMZ got those emails?  Click here: 

http://www.tmz.com/2010/06/24/vienna-girardi-jake-pavelka-the-bachelor-break-up-ex-boyfriend-lee-smith-sex-emails/

System administrators and other little people who work at Yahoo, etc can see what we are emailing.  Gmail supposedly offers the ability to encrypt their email.  It's something we all need to pay more attention to I think.

~

Me: I believe AOL has encrypted Instant Messaging, doesn't it?  I don't know about the email.  I do know you should never send anything important/scandalous in email or text messages, as they are on record forever.  If you can't actually say it, then don't say it at all.

 

DEAR KELLOG'S,

Your "Fiber Plus" commercials feature a genie with what sounds like an Irish/Scottish/something-in-The-British-Isles accent. That is a leprechaun. Genies are based in Islam.

Your vapid and culturally-incorrect commercial gives me agida.  Do something about it please.

That's all.

Sincerely,

Dan Renzi

Three labs, found somewhere, turned in for adoption.

 

They didn't look like this when I got them.  They were somewhat miserable, dirty, skinny little things.

Instead of donating them to the Humane Society, the puppies' rescuer gave them to an organization that pulls dogs from the county pound—specifically, dogs on the "death list"—and finds temporary homes for them until they can be adopted.  It's a good idea, in theory.  This means the dogs live in foster homes for a while, perhaps for the rest of their lives, because getting dogs adopted is no easy task.

I had these guys for two weeks.  Gave them baths, combed out the scabs, fattened up the skinny one whose hip bones stuck out from malnourishment (on the left).  Dealt with digestive issues, dealt with loneliness issues.  Administered many belly rubs.  At the end of two weeks, we have three brilliant, healthy, well-behaved dogs.

And at the end of two weeks...none were adopted. Nobody has been interested, not really.

I can't hang on to them anymore, I am leaving town for a few days, so I had to give them back.  The organization put them in a kennel while they continue to advertise them on the internet.  I don't see that as fair to the dogs, nor is it an effective way to find families, so I offered to bring them to the Humane Society.  But no, they want to deal with it themselves... it's not my choice, so okay...

I don't envision these dogs getting adopted anytime soon.