I'm not afraid to say it: "Eclipse" sucked. There. It's out there, deal with it.
As a reviewer on Yelp, I was invited to a pre-screening sponsored by Vitamin Water (free bottles! yea!) which I appreciated. But fun sponsorship does not make a fun movie. If they cut out all the footage of people just staring at each other with meaningful looks in their eyes, the movie would be 30 minutes long. But it goes on and on, with endless scenes of actors talking with clenched jaws about nothing you'd understand because so much communication happens with the vampire's psychic powers. So if you haven't read the book to learn the story, you have no idea why the dialogue jumps and makes no sense.
And it's boring. And seriously, no one moves their mouths. Even Dakota Fanning, who is undeniably a great actress, plays her part totally flat and keeps her jaw clenched the whole time.
Speaking of vampires, I had my own run-in with diabolical bloodsuckers today: while walking down the street I passed a certain gentleman I've known for a long time and always enjoy engaging in a little chit-chat. I try to be suave and take things further, but I fumble every play and walk away defeated. But today, I was feeling suave, I looked cute in my shorts and new sandals, so I tried to give it my best shot—until I felt something on my leg and looked down. Sadly, I was standing on a mosquito nest of some sort, and my besandaled (translation: bare) ankles were covered in the little nasties.
In a span of 5 minutes, I acquired 138 mosquito bites—I counted, it really is 138— on my ankles and shins. So on my way to the movie theater, I picked up every remedy available, and have been applying each in patch areas on myself, to compare the results. After experimenting thusly, allow me to share my findings? Here we go:
Benadryl Itch-Stopping Gel, active ingredient: diphenhudramine HCl 2%. Takes the longest time to set in, but alleviated itch completely for a few hours. BUT, reapplying for a 2nd round is trickier as it doesn't soak in as well—perhaps because of the previous application residue? There is also a Benadryl gel that is just camphor, but screw that weak stuff.
AfterBite, active ingredient: ammonia. This uses the same principle as peeing on a jellyfish sting: ammonia (which is part of your pee!) counteracts the swelling and inflamation. AfterBite comes in a little stick, and you dab it on each bite. With approximately 70 bites on one ankle, that's a lot of dabbing. But it worked. It just wore off relatively fast, and the ammonia is stinky.
Hydrocortisone cream: all this did was glop up my legs, and make it super-difficult to scratch the itch. My fingers just slid up and down. NEXT:
Fantastik, active ingredient: ammonia. When I came home I thought, if the AfterBite pen works, why not spray on some Fantastik ammonia cleaner? It could work in an emergency. The cooling mist felt delicious, and now I smell very clean. It actually accomplished some relief for a few minutes, but the ammonia isn't very strong. I can't imagine repeated applications would be a good idea.
Allegra pills, active ingredient: fexofenadine. This is bringing in the heavy guns—antihistamine that will dry you up like a raisin. I ration these pills, they're expensive, but in times like this, you pay the price to not be miserable. I popped one and feel MUCH better.