(ring)
Hello?
"Hi honey!"
Hi Mom.
"Whatcha doin?"
I am eating carrots and hummus.
"Carrots and hummus, at 11:30 at night. Sounds delicious."
It is delicious.
"You're going to have nightmares."
I know. But I forgot to eat dinner.
"I wish I could 'forget' to eat a meal."
I'm watching what I eat now, and I've lost 20 pounds, but I don't think I ate enough food today. So this is my dinner.
"Well if you're eating now, are you going out?"
No.
"Why not?"
I dunno. I went to see "Sex And The City" last night at the midnight screening, so I didn't get to bed until 4 in the morning. I'm tired.
"Oh. Did you go with _____?"
Yes.
"How is she?"
She's good. The same.
(pause)
"I think you need to find a new boyfriend."
(pause)
What?
"You shoud go out on a date. You need some excitement in your life."
What are you talking about?
"You're home all the time. Every time I call you, you're home."
That's because you call me at 11:30 at night, when it's 10:30 your time and you're going to bed.
"Yeah, well... You've been single long enough, I think you need to find a nice guy and go do something fun."
Well if you find a nice guy for me, let me know. I've been on the lookout for many years, I haven't had much luck.
"If you moved back to Kansas City I'm sure you could—"
Mom.
"—just the other day, I met the nicest man who would be great for you—"
MOM.
"—okay, okay, never mind."
Why do you think I need excitement? I have plenty of excitement.
"I know you do, but you're always going out with your friends. Why aren't you dating anybody again?"
The next time I go out, I will keep my eyes open.
"Good. Just make sure he's rich. Then I can retire and you can buy me a house in Florida with a lanai."
Dan, I love your mom!!! She's so funny.
Posted by: Janiebeauxbanie | May 27, 2010 at 09:35 PM
20 pounds!!!!!
Congratulations!!!!!
Posted by: Joel Derfner | May 27, 2010 at 09:39 PM
Love Dan's mom!
Proud of you for losing 20 pounds, how did you do it?
Posted by: Jen | May 28, 2010 at 07:06 AM
These are my favorite!
Posted by: tmt_n_op | May 28, 2010 at 09:41 AM
Absolutely LOVE your Mom! :-)
Posted by: Carie Mahoner | May 28, 2010 at 10:52 AM
She's right ya know.
(20 pounds! Well done.)
Posted by: blackbird | May 28, 2010 at 12:06 PM
your mom is awesome. shes so cute. you should definitely listen to her and go out on a date. i cant remember the last time i went on a date. haha...
Posted by: Anthony Marrocolo | May 31, 2010 at 01:29 PM