How was your day, Dan?

GRAND HOTEL STOCKHOLM

Dear Grand Hotel in Stockholm, Sweden,

Good morning.  It is with great sadness that I write to you today, as I am not in your hotel room anymore. I am a few thousand miles away, too far for room service to deliver.

I woke up this morning at about 4 a.m., which is 10 a.m. your time, and my first thought was about your croissants.  The croissants you serve have become a piece of my soul, with their flaky-yet-moist layers of puff pastry baked to buttery golden perfection. Both "flaky" and "moist" at the same time, how do you do this?  The only explanation is magic.  I am certain you serve magic croissants in your restaurant.

I lodged in your hotel during a press junket in Sweden, with a group of gay journalists and travel agents invited to  see all the marvelous attractions your country has to offer.  My apartment is now clutteredm with piles of pamphlets, scribbled notes and mementos from all the different places we visited, and I cannot even begin to sort through the chaos.  Dogsledding!  Shopping for fabulous Swedish home design goods!  Dining on wild game!  Trying to piece everything together makes me dizzy.

Now that all the writers have returned to their respective homes the Web will soon be deluged with glowing stories about traveling to Sweden, with fabulous photos featuring shockingly beautiful hot blond vikings roaming the streets architecture and landscapes. But I wanted to take a moment just for you, Grand Hotel, as you are very special to me.  Your soft down-filled duvets, the complimentary chocolate truffles, sitting at my little breakfast table looking out at the harbor and munching my croissants...it was a lovely way to start a loving relationship.

I would love to remain monogamous with you, but alas I will someday be forced to stay in another hotel.  Please don't be hurt. I will carry you and your croissants with me everywhere else I go.

Until we meet again,

Dan Renzi

WINE AND FOOD FESTIVAL PHOTOS

Before gorging myself on free food, I snapped a few photos of the South Beach Wine and Food Festival:

I call this one "Wines and Lines."  All day, you drink wine and wait in line for more wine to drink.  Although I never waited in a line for longer than a few minutes, it's actually organized really well.

 

Food is served in little portions, which means if you want to make a meal out of it you have to steal eight little bowls.  And that usually earns you a nasty look from the cooks.  Whatever, don't judge me.  FYI: This is "Lobster Ceviche," which is an implausible dish as the definition of "ceviche" is seafood not cooked by heat, but the lobster must be cooked to eat it.  It's a weird name, I'm just sayin'.

 

Where did I get these brownies?  Can't remember.  Loved them.

 

This was at the Puerto Rico tourism booth.  The roast pork was delicious but it's hard to hang around when this guy is staring at you.  I guess this is their way of making sure mooches like me don't linger too long and eat more than one serving.

 

Here is Paula Deen, looking like a televangelist.  Soon after I took this photo, she reached underneath her shirt and re-tied the drawstring on her pants to make sure they wouldn't fall down—apparently that happened last year.  I will say this: Paula Deen certainly knows how to work a round brush and a hairdryer.

EMERIL LAGASSE RECIPES

At the 2010 South Beach Wine and Food Festival, finding celebrity chefs who actually cooked wasn't a simple order.  Many of them focused on chatting with the audience and left the cooking to their underlings; a few didn't cook anything at all.  Paula Deen showed up for her Sunday demonstration 20 minutes late, having been held up at her previous appearance, and she spent her remaining stage time talking about sex.  Sandra Lee did show up on time, but with her clothes and hair looking rather disheveled; either she just had sex, or she was perhaps still drunk from the night before.  Whatever the case, Lee just hung out with the audience while her sister took over cooking duties.  These were two of the most popular events, of course; as Emeril Lagasse once quipped, SBWFF "is like Spring Break for chefs," and the Food Network fans are there to party with their culinary heroes, not to watch them cook.

Speaking of The King of "Bam!"—he did show up for his demonstration on time, although visibly bedraggled as he was unmercilessly assigned to the earliest time slot of the day.  But Lagasse is a soldier and he pulled himself together, and prepared a delicious-looking (and smelling!) dinner of Oven Roasted Red Snapper with Orzo, washed down with fresh Rosé Sangria.  

Here are his recipes, with a few artistic adjustments created when he didn't specify exactly what he was measuring:

For the Sangria:
1 bottle Rosé wine
Sliced fruit:
  1 orange
  1/2 lemon
  handful of strawberries
  a plum or two
A splash of your favorite cognac or brandy
A big splash of Gran Marnier
A splash of club soda (said Lagasse: "I don't like my shit diluted!")

Mix all ingredients in a pitcher, then pour into glass with ice. Drink vigorously.

~~

For the Orzo:
2 cups orzo pasta, dry
1 red onion, diced
salt & pepper
Olive oil
Warm beef or chicken stock
1 tomato, chopped
As much garlic as you can handle
A few leaves of fresh basil, or a big pinch of dried basil if you must
Mozarella cheese, the real Buffalo kind

Sweat the onion in 2 or 3 tbsp olive oil, seasoned with salt & pepper.  Then add the orzo and sauté for a few minutes to pick up the flavor. 
Add about 2 or 3 cups of the stock (use enough for the orzo to be covered, it will absorb the stock and you won't drain). Boil 18 minutes.  Lagasse made a point of specifying the stock should already be warmed when adding it to the other ingredients.
While it's boiling, move on to the fish, see below.
Then add the tomato, garlic, basil, and cheese; stir into a delicious cheesy mix.

~~

For the Snapper:
1 whole Red Snapper (any whitefish will do—make sure it's really fresh!)
1 oranges, sliced into coins; first carve off some of the skin for orange zest
Fresh rosemary stems
Good salt (like sea salt or Kosher salt) and pepper
Minced garlic, a lot of course
Aluminum foil slightly longer than the length of a baking sheet

Place the foil on a baking sheet, top with a little olive oil, and rest the fish on top.
Cut 3 or 4 slits on one side of the fish.
Take a baking sheet, line the bottom with aluminum foil coated with olive oil, and place a bed of orange slices topped with a few stems of rosemary.
Fill the slits of the fish with a mix of garlic, orange zest, and rosemary; sprinkle with salt and pepper.
Wrap up aluminum foil around the snapper, leaving space above the fish so the foil doesn't touch and air can move around; close the foil.
Bake in a 400 degree oven for approximately 15 minutes—until the orzo finished boiling.

To serve:

Plate the orzo on the bottom of a wide soup bowl or plate.
Scoop off a generous serving of the fish meat using two spoons, keeping the stuffing intact, and place atop the orzo.
Pour yourself more sangria because you probably drank your first glass while you were cooking, and eat!

HAITI AND CHILE

I want to go work for the relief efforts in Chile or Haiti.

I speak more Spanish than I do French, so I'd rather go to Chile.  I can go for a while, I'm not looking for a week-long community service trip with a church or a college group.  I'll really do this.

How do I make this happen?