(ring)
Hello?
"Hi honey!"
Hi Mom.
"Happy New Year! Dum duuuum da dum DA duuuuum da dum (to the tune of Auld Lang Syne)"
Happy New Year.
"Did you have a good New Year?"
No.
"Oh. Why not?"
I was supposed to interview Kellan Lutz at a party but I got there too late and they wouldn't let me talk to him.
"Those jerks."
I think maybe he just had a few drinks already so it wasn't a good time to be interviewed. But technically the entire problem happened before midnight, so I'm leaving it in 2009. It's in the past.
"Good. Did you make any resolutions?"
No.
"Well I have one for you."
What?
"I've decided you need to adopt so I can have some grandchildren."
You already have several.
"I know and they are wonderful but I want more."
I am single and I live in a studio apartment. Perhaps now is not the best time for me to adopt some kids.
"How is (T.L.)?"
He's fine.
"Are you sure you aren't getting back together?"
Mom, relationships are very complicated. I don't know.
(pause)
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Not really.
"Is he still in Mexico City?"
Yes but he's coming back.
"Do you think you're going to—"
MOM.
"M'kay."
(pause)
When I find a rich husband, you'll be the first to know, so you can start planning.
"Do whatever you need to do. I saw the cutest baby clothes yesterday and I thought, I need someone to buy those for."
Ask (my younger brother).
"I already did."
So what kind of kids should I get? Did you see boy clothes or girl clothes?
"Both. Oh my God! They were so precious."
I'm sure.
"You should have seen them, they were the cutest things. When you adopt your kids I can come visit and I'll take you shopping."
Do you remember when you were in denial about me being gay and we never had these conversations about my personal life?
"I can't wait to retire so I can just watch TV and go shopping for my grandkids all day."
Maybe we can get you a puppy and you and buy clothes for it instead.
"Nice try. No thanks."
I am going to regret taking you to that P-FLAG meeting for the rest of my life.
"Yeah well times change. Oh! And they had the cutest little shoes!"
Sweet story...I am happy your mom is very supportive. Congrats!
Posted by: Chris in Long Beach | January 04, 2010 at 10:26 AM
I live in your home town and I keep hoping I will run into your mom some time at a Starbucks or Nordie's or something so that I can gush at her and squeal with glee at how awesome she is.
Posted by: JoCo Lurker | January 04, 2010 at 12:30 PM
I love your mom. :)
Posted by: Lisa | January 04, 2010 at 03:14 PM
Yay! My request granted - now a niece story and my new year will be complete, ha!
Posted by: Laurie | January 04, 2010 at 03:57 PM
You know I'm going to side with her, don't you?
(Besides, I know you'd be a wonderful father.)
Posted by: blackbird | January 04, 2010 at 06:11 PM
Awesome! As your blog was loading I was wondering if you'd posted any convos with your mom lately. Yay! I love your mom.
Posted by: Lynnster | January 05, 2010 at 02:02 AM
I wonder if your mom knows she has such a great following! :)
Posted by: Jen | January 05, 2010 at 08:57 AM
Dan, I live in Fort Lauderdale. Couldn't you have cut the conversation short with gays are not allowed to adopt in the state of Florida?
Posted by: MIke B. | January 06, 2010 at 07:55 AM
Ha ha ha I adore convos with your Mom.
Posted by: Corey Ann | January 06, 2010 at 10:58 PM