DEAR DAN

Dear Dan,

I need your help. I want to get out of the Midwest, and what better way to start than to get advice from someone who's done it, and you are the only person I "know".

I am 32, I have lived here for about 12 years and up until now I have been mostly happy living here. Growing up my family moved all over; this is the longest I have ever lived in one place. 

I recently ended a 9 year long relationship, moved into a crappy one bedroom and spent 3 1/2 months wallowing in self pity. Then a friend of mine who lives in D.C. convinced me to come for a visit. It was just what I needed. I feel like a completely new person. I really want to move to D.C. when my lease is up in July. I have never moved away from my family or across the country on my own before and I was wondering what kind of advice you might have. Do I only go once I have a job, do I go and spend my savings til I get a job?...

My family does live here and they are not supportive of this and have made it very clear that if this is what I am going to do, I will do it alone. Fine. I think I can do it alone. My friends are wonderful and they will help but I honestly do not even know where to begin.

I feel like I can't take one more minute, but I will do the responsible thing and wait out my lease. In the mean time my eyes and ears are open.

~~~

When I moved to Miami four years ago, I took only what would fit in my car.  That included clothes, shoes, and my expensive kitchen gadgets; I shipped a few boxes of baby photos and birth certificates, etc. to my mother.  Everything else was sold.  I had a reasonable chunk of money in my bank account and zero plans for what to do.  So when I arrived, I hooked up with guys for a place to stay until I found an apartment slept in cheap hotels by the airport and limped along for a few months.  Luckily I had work as a freelance writer, so I had money coming in.

Being homeless, ironically, can be very expensive.  On days I didn't pay for a hotel, I showered at the showers on the beach, I changed clothes in my car.  I walked through the big hotels and looked for banquets that had just finished, and snuck in to eat the food.  Seriously it was so much fun.  I wasn't really "homeless," of course.  When I got tired of being a bum I found a furnished apartment to rent temporarily, and then the rest worked itself out.

But you probably don't have my sense of adventure.  So a few pointers for you:

1) Yes, wait out your lease.  Breaking your lease can show up on your credit rating, and that will torment you for seven years.

2) You didn't tell me what work you do professionally, so I don't know how you'd be able to find a job.  But generally applicants from out-of-town are only considered when it is an executive position;  yes, you need to go there first.  Save enough money to plop down in the city and live off your bank account for a while.  Plan on three months; you want to have enough money to allow yourself to fall on your face a few times with bad jobs, etc., and not go hungry or be homeless.  Even with the most frugal budget, that is a few thousand dollars at least.  

Please understand, having money will allow you to not rush into doing something stupid because you're desperate.  It sounds like you're desperate now, so this is good practice for you to chill and make plans for your life.

3) More importantly: you are 32, and you're still living under your family's thumb?  Maybe you really do need to move away for a while.  What kind of parents would give their (adult) daughter such a nasty ultimatum?

4) If you move to D.C. and you decide it's not for you, there is no failure in you moving back "home."  It's just geography.  

5) Can you stay with your friend for a month?  Offer him/her some money for rent; s/he will probably turn it down.  So instead, fill the refrigerator with food and pay the electric bill.  And don't stay the whole month.  

6) Find a job waiting tables.  You will meet the most people that way.  That's how you find a job, not through sending resumes.

Comments

[Scot]

...but depending on what marketable skills you have, sending resumes certainly can't hurt.

[David]

I never waited tables, yet somehow have repeatedly found new jobs. I must be some kind of genius.

Seriously, I'm sure waiting tables is a great way to find a job, if you have that skill set (which I believe you have in spades, Dan) but it is not for everyone. Some people are really bad at it. Sending out resumes works for a very large percentage of people, along with the networking.

[David]

I will add that the rest of your advice sounds spot-on.

[Diane]

I gotta throw in my 2 cents. I grew up as a military kid and lived in Europe and came to the US at 18 with no family. I lived in Florida (holler Ft. Lauderdale/Miami/Tampa), then Denver and now Boise, ID. I moved all over these places (except Boise) as a single girl. I LOVE to move - meet new people, see new things. I always tell people that the worst thing that could happen by moving is that if it doesn't work out for you, GO BACK to where you came from. Usually this doesn't happen. It's not like the door will slam and lock behind you. But if you don't take a chance, you will regret it. Be brave and go. I bet you will love it and be so glad you did it. BTW - I usually started at a temp employment agency and found a permanent job after that - I also found most companies will not even look at out-of-town resumes because they can't interview you - even if you swear you'll come. And I've done the server/bartender route, too. Pack up and take a chance!!

[Melissa]

Temp agencies are another option (provided they have work available). I have found most of my jobs through temp agencies. It also gives you a chance to try a company out. If you don't like it, ask to be placed somewhere else.

[tmt_n_op]

So, this is my DD letter and I'm so glad to see he posted it. I currently work for a retail .com as their database manager, a job I lucked into, the majority of my career has been spent in various retail management jobs. Similar to the waiting tables I thought I might just take the first retail job that comes along to have some money coming in. There is a small chance I will have some work with the company I currently work with as a contractor however that is not going to be something I would count on.

Thanks again for everyone's advice!

[Jen]

Good luck! I think it is adventurous of you. I do love the DC area. I live in MD for several months, would love to live there again! Hey, I can move and we could be roomies! :) lol

[dan renzi]

Working as a temp is definitely a great start. I disagree with sending resumes; I think it's a waste of energy and is discouraging to already encounter failure when there's virtually no hope of getting anything out of it. You'll need as much positive reinforcement as possible, so it's best to minimize rejection. Just my opinion.

On the flip side, you should start sending resumes a week or two before you leave, and include your friend's address. So if you get a nibble and someone wants to set up an interview, you can say "Why yes, I'll be available on ___ (insert day after the date you will be in town) ___."

[tmt_n_op]

My friends that live in DC have offered to let me put their address on any resumes I might send out. Also, my friends have offered to send me a pay as you go cell phone with a DC number (which I thought was a good idea).

Again thanks to everyone for your advice.

[Glenn D.]

This would be a great time of year to move if you are looking for a retail job. With the holidays coming up, all of the stores are hiring for at least seasonal help. May i also suggest doing some type of call center work. Granted this is DC so I don't know if they even have call center but it is worth a shot. I've done sales but if that doesn't tickle your fancy there is customer service and marketing research interviewing. Most people who work in DC work for the government. Maybe you could get an entry level job working for a nonprofit. Temp agencies are a good way to get office jobs. Good luck.

[hephaestion]

I live in DC, and it is a very expensive city. Rent for a little efficiency apartment starts around $1300 per month. If you can find a roommate to share an apt. thru Craigslist that would help a lot. I'd look at job listings on washingtonpost.com - that is the best job-hunting site for DC. Cheaper apts. can sometimes be found in Silver Spring MD or Arlington VA. Or if you have a car your options are much broader. Jobs are hard to come by in DC just like every place now.
Try not to rush to move. You will make much better decisions if you take your time. And you don't want to move in the winter anyway. Moving and job hunting are both easier in the summer. DC is a fun place to be. If you can live near a subway line you will love using the subway here and it can get you all the way across town fast, which is a lot better than being stuck in DC traffic. DC has a lot of free museums and activities, and you can get a bus ride to Manhattan for just $20, which makes get-aways to NYC easy & cheap.

[hephaestion]

PS- If your family said they would not be supportive of your move, I think it may be wise to get away from them. DC is a great place to get away from such small-mindedness. The whole world is here. And while it's expensive, it's not nearly as expensive as New York City or San Francisco.

[kenneth]

>>But you probably don't have my sense of adventure. So a few pointers for you:<<

!!!!!!!!