HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Today is my birthday. 

I am 35.

I am currently sitting on my bed, in my tiny apartment, watching The Golden Girls like I always do before I go to bed.

I was at a party at a local bar--it was their anniversary party, a delicious affair that drew out all the hoodlums and hooligans of the night life, but I couldn't stay.  I had to come home and attend to the new batch of foster puppies currently in my care.

That's one of them.  They're bloodhound mix puppies, too young to be away from Mom but I'm mixing milk formula into their food, they'll be alright.

My paramour, T.L., is off in a faraway land, working on gaining re-entry to this country.  So I went to the party to fend off the effects of his absence; and now I have been well-wished by a smattering of Facebook friends who have tossed "Happy Birthday!" greetings as they whooshed past. But mostly, I just sat and watched people walk by.

I was standing in the party, thinking about what I want to do for the next 35 years, and I honestly had no idea.  I have had such an odd life, filled with unexpected surprised, nothing has worked out the way I planned.  And it's been interesting...lots of flops, lots of pleasantries, I remember a few zingers—times I fell flat on my face, and I had to get picked up by the people around me...and the occasional phenom that tempt me to rest on my laurels like the star quarterback in high school.  But that would be boring.

I don't have any photos in my apartment; I don't ponder the past, I'm always looking toward the future.  The only photos I do have--in a box, in my closet--are a collection of black and whites taken from my grandmother's house, all of people I don't know.  They are really cool.  I also have a box of frames, ready to go up on the wall, but I've never gotten around to marrying the two.

I've done a bunch of stuff, I guess.  It hasn't been "significant" as much as it has been "fun," which is what you want, isn't it?  One concept is satisfying other people, the other is satisfying yourself. In the end, one is important and one is not; you figure out which is which. 

And what have I done?...there was that time I was in East Germany, eating goulash...college was fun, I learned a lot...when I was in 5th grade I was on the local PBS doing a news report about my school.  I loved that.  And there have been a few hours here and there spent volunteering at homeless shelters and for HIV clinics and stuff.  Make the world a better place, etc etc etc.  (I know what I just said about satisfying yourself, but I do that stuff for me, it makes me feel better.)

And what will come next now?  I have no idea.  The economy is tanking, things are out of my hands, but I can fight the good fight and make do with what I have.   But then things march on. And they will again.  I guess.

So today, I celebrate the past 35 years.  It's okay to be happy with what you've done, isn't it?  People will continue to go by, they may see me and they may not.  Maybe I'll get a drive-by greeting, maybe they'll just go on and not pause.  I can say that's what I've learned: you're at peace only when you worry about seeing yourself.

What am I going to do next?  35 years is a long time.

Hmm.

Comments

[Jim O]

Dan - Being considerably older than you, I can say that reading your blog and articles tells me you are doing just fine. You make a lot of people a bit happier every day, and you are a caring person. I can only wish one thing for your birthday, and that is the swift return of TL. You two are good together. Happy 35th and much love

[CarieDM]

Happy Birthday, Dan!

May the next 35 years bring you as many smiles as you've given me via your blog.

Big hugs,
Carie

[Kathy]

Happy birthday, Dan! I turn 35 in two weeks. My feelings are rather similar to yours, which is actually a welcome change because I had been thinking "Oh god, 35! There's no pretending now, I'm getting older. I need to stop being such a spazz." I really did think that. Then I panicked because how does one cease being a spazz?

See? Anyway, happy birthday.

[Amy]

Happy Birthday Dan! I will turn 35 in a few weeks also. Have a great day and a fabuluous year!

[Sara]

Happy birthday Dan! You're an amazing man, and I'm so glad you share your life with the rest of us.

[Brigitte Tweddel]

Dan,

I have watched you on TV and read your blogs religiously as you have moved from one media to the next.
Happy Birthday...it is fun watching you grow to the selfconfident, kind young man you are today. I sincereley hope TL regains entry soon and look forward to that blog.
If you are still interested in HIV work being done around the country, stop by our offices the next time your in Los Angeles. My agency has done some exiting work these past twenty years:). www.projectnewhope.org , we'd love to show you!

Have a great 4th. of July and keep up the good work with the pups and kitties.
Sincerely,

Brigitte

[Jen]

Happy Birthday Dan!
Today is my birthday and I am in the hospital! 31 never felt so good! ugh

[Coy]

Dan Happy Birthday! Being that I have a few more years on you(just a few!)I can tell you that evenutally it all makes sense.
Please keep experiencing and relating the interesting, exciting life that you are leading. You'll find that after the next 35 years you'll have a wealth of fond memories and experiences to keep you smiling.

[misscrankypants]

Happy Birthday! I didn't realize we were the same age. I hope that this year is your best yet!

[Ann]

I can honestly say that the world would be a much more dull place without your presence. So, for that I thank your parents!! Happy birthday!

[Stacy]

Happy happy birthday Dan. You should look at the depth and breadth of your experiences as a sign of the wonders of your life. Think about all the people who live their lives in one town, in one house(!) and never considering what else could be. You are lucky in love, in family and friends. You take care of people and love animals and are an all around generous person. I am so glad I saw you on RW-Miami or I would never have "met" you!
Many healthy and happy returns!

[TT]

Happy birthday! 35 years is a blink of an eye ... We all live life to the fullest as best we know how. Congratulations on a full life lived so far!

[esther]

i want to steal your puppy away and snuggle it to death. happy birthday!

[Kelly]

Happy Birthday, Dan! You have done a lot of living so far, and I am sure you will be doing a lot more in the years to come!

[genevieve]

happy birthday! hope it's great.

[Rob]

i admire you! keep doing what you love, that's the key!

[Lynnster]

Happiest of birthdays, Dan. And that puppy is so adorable, I just wanna tickle his tummy.

[Plain Gay Blogging]

Happy Birthday
Your next 35 years will be as odd exciting and intersting as your first 35

[blackbird]

You know, I luff you.

Happy happy day.

xo

[Corey]

Happy Birthday! There's no day but today and it's good to live in the now, not the what if.

I'm a photographer and I don't have any pictures around the house either. I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one. LOL

[Glenn D.]

You blow Dan! You blow me away with your insightful, funny, and intelligent blogs. Keep up the good work. Whatever you do in the next 35 years I hope you will continue to blog to your hearts content. Hopefully you will find a way to forgive me. :)

PS 35 isn't so bad. I turned 40 this year.

[Amanda]

Happy birthday my fellow cancer! July babies rock the world!!!!

[avonlei]

happy bday dan...hope it was a great one..blessings

[Tony Peregrin]

I just turned 40 yesterday, and your posting about your 35th birthday was totally inspirational, man. I posted it to my FB page.
Keep observing, keep writing, keep posting. Keep, keep, keep.

Thanks,

Tony
Chicago, IL