A journey through my day, if you please:
On Saturday, it was a lovely day. But it's usually that way in Miami Beach.
So I took the opportunity to visit the mostly-empty laundromat.
While waiting for the cycle to end, I sat in some chairs against the wall; I was sitting for about 10 minutes when a man walked past, carrying some clothes. "Look in my bag," he said, "there's a surprise in there." And he pointed to a paper bag that, coincidentally, was in the seat next to me.
I hadn't even noticed it. The man kept walking; so with no reason to do otherwise, I took a careful peek over the bag's edge.
THIS is what I saw.
Yeah. Holy shit.
I am not scared of snakes whatsoever; but this thing made me gasp. The man heard me, chuckled, and returned to us. "She's my baby," he said. And he pulled it OUT OF THE BAG AND DROPPED IT ON THE FLOOR OF THE LAUNDROMAT.
Notice the guy's foot at the left side of the photo, which helps put this monster into scale. It was, like, 8 feet long at least. What you can't see in this photo is the enormous lump from the rat that the snake just ate a few days before. Lovely.
The man then asked me out.
I said no, thanks.