How was your day, Dan?

(ring)

Hello?

"Baby! On no!"

What?

"It was so bad!"

What happened?

"I need to tell you something."

What?

(pause)

"Are you okay?"

Yes.  Should I be?

"Baby, I was so scary."

Why?

(pause)

"I had a bad dream."

...and?

"You no care."

Of course I do.  What happened?

"You don't."

Honey, I'm at work, and I have to go to a meeting in about a minute.  Tell me what happend?

"You were in the dream, and it was so real!  And I woke up, and I say, 'My baby, he is no okay!' and I was looking looking for you but you are no here."

Oh no.

"I was no happys."

What happened to me in the dream?

(pause)

"I don't remember."

Ah.

"But you are okay?  You make it to work fine?"

Yes, I did.

"Oh, is so good."

Yes, I am great.  Thank you for checking on me.

"Don't go anywhere in you car!  Is too scary."

Well I have to eventually come home, can I do that?

"Yes."

Okay good.  I have to go now--

"You no think is serious!"

I do, I promise.

"Be careful!"

I will.

"I love you."

You too.

TESOL

I would like to become certified in teaching English as a second language.  I don't care about the certification as much as I want to actually be trained on how to do it.  How does one go about learning this, please?

SLUMDOGS

Did you see Slumdog Millionaire? I find it ironic how the film exposes the injustice of slum life in Mumbai, yet the kids in the film were barely paid and aren't getting any residuals.  Granted, the film was a little indie project, so there was not much budget to pay salaries from the start; but now, if they were American actors, they would be in the union and they'd be getting fat checks from DVD rentals & sales. 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090523/ap_en_mo/as_india_slumdog

I gripe about this topic often--I don't see why being American gives you more value than if you're not.  Seriously, ignoring the absurd Sally Struthers weepy infomercials...

I'm surprised people haven't called for a boycott of the movie yet.

NEWEST FOSTER ARRIVALS

It's a never-ending battle out here.

They never stop coming.

We filled up a sink with non-allergenic puppy shampoo (all we had), dumped this little monster in, and watched the fleas swarm to the head.  I stopped counting at 30.  Disgusting.  I am amazed this kitten isn't dead.

The cat was hissing at us and SPITTING (I've never had a cat do that before, it's scary!) before we even hit the sink; once the fleas were gone, it was like a putty in my hands, perfectly happy.  Except for the face full of suds.

Although s/he was surprisingly okay with the water...I think all the heavy rains this past week warmed him/her up for a splash of water now and then.  Living outside = no fun for a kitten.

PS: kitten has a sibling, but was hiding in a corner, holding on to my t-shirt balled up on the floor.  Best to let that one chill out for the night.

CONVERSATION WITH T.L.

"Baby?"

Yes?

"The American Idol.  Adam won, no?"

No, the other guy did.

"What is this?"

I know, it's crazy.

"Yea! I so happys."

You wanted Kris to win?

"Yes, I like him so much."

But Adam was better.

"He is the good singer, but he scream so much."

Yeah.

"Is no nice."

I thought he was great.

"He was good, but Kris he is so nice, he just singing singing."

You just like him because he is cute.

"Mmmm, yes."

(pause)

"Baby, I sorry, he no as beautiful as you."

Well all those people who voted for Kris won't go buy his music.  This happens on Idol all the time.  There was a guy Ruben, and a guy Taylor, and they won because people liked them on the show, but then they didn't do anything.  Tbis year, all the people in Arkansas where Kris is from, they just voted over and over to make him win.  But more people like Adam, he will do better.

"Oh."

(pause)

"When is the next American Idol?"

You know what?  That says it all.  

"Huh?"

Never mind. 

I HEART PAULINA P

I heard a rumor that Tyra Banks was going to leave Top Model and let someone else take over.  I thought that "someone" was Paulina Porizkova. 

But then she got fired.

And she is SOOOOOO mad about it.  Please read here.

The awesomeness that is Paulina knows no bounds.

And I think Allison could easily move to Hong Kong or Osaka and have a bangin' modeling career. She is a walking Anime creature, they will love her.

I have a lot of friends who do drugs--mostly cocaine--and they never question where the drugs come from, or what the ramifications are of buying them illegally.

If you ever think a little cocaine is harmless, read this story about kidnapping.  And my friends say "This has nothing to do with me, these people choose to be drug dealers, if it's not them it will be someone else," etc.  But some of these people being kidnapped are family members, husbands/wives and kids.  They didn't choose to get involved.

I know several people who have been kidnapped--this is why so many South American people move to Miami to raise families, to escape violence--and it is not just a story invented by the news. These things really happen, even when drug smuggling/human trafficking is not involved.

Even marijuana, which most people smoke recreationally just for fun, is not coming from peaceful hippie home pot-growers, who have some plants under a black light in a basement.  As much as people would like to think that's where their weed is coming from, unless they are getting it from a medical facility, it's probably being traded alongside the cocaine and heroin that is "so much worse."

Any kind of addiction, whether it be drugs or food or sex, has an inherent element of selfishness.  Satisfying your own needs is what is most important; but those needs often go far beyond what you care to comprehend. 

I'm done now.  Thanks for reading.

JUST A RANDOM QUESTION

I have a friend named Stan.

Stan is a gay man, and he has a plan.

Um...I can't think of another rhyme, so I'll stop.

Stan is dating a male citizen of another country—let's say, Mexico. 

Hypothetical question: If Stan were to provide his American seed to fertilize a Mexican female's egg, what would happen with the resulting baby?  How complicated/expensive is it to apply for the child's US citizenship, if that child is born in Mexico?

I know applying for Mexican citizenship, for children born in the U.S., is extremely easy.

This idea of having the baby inside the U.S. is a lovely thought, of course, and takes care of the citizenship issue; but with no health insurance for the mother, having the baby in this country might be tough.  Plus, we would have to bring the mom here, she would have to live here for several weeks with nothing to do all day, etc.  So her staying home would probably be easier.

Did I just type "we"?  I meant "he," of course.  Silly Stan, he's always causing mixups like that.

BAD

The time: sunset.

The place: a posh hotel suite on the beach.

We were at a fundraiser party for a local charity, a small cocktail gathering of the familiar faces.  Drinks, gossip, making an appearance at the event to show your support.  It was all very "Real Housewives of New York."

The party was in a hotel room, a gorgeous suite overlooking the ocean with two floors and a private roof deck.   "Oooo, baaaaaaby, is so nice," said T.L., as we drank in the lush interiors, all bathed in beachy whites.  "I like this for to be our apart-a-ment."

Gentle breezes washed over our faces as we exited out to the deck, where a group was already assembled.  The wind would have mussed everyone's hair, if all these gay guys weren't wearing so much product.

We couldn't enjoy the views for long, unfortunately.  We had tickets for a show later that night.  We had the evening timed like a NASA launch: we knew exactly how long it would take to leave the hotel, walk to the car, drive to the theater, and I could dump him out at the front door to fetch the tickets while I looked for parking.  It was a tight squeeze, but we had enough time for a quick sip of champagne and a nibble of hors d'oeuvres.

While I caught up with work colleagues, chatting about indiscriminant business, T.L. watched the ocean, sipped his drink, and then said he was going to visit the restroom.  From there...he disappeared. .

But eight minutes before our scheduled departure, he returned.  "Baby," he said in a low voice, "it's time to go."

MOVIES: STAR TREK, VALENTINO!, OUTRAGE, EVERY LITTLE STEP

Let's talk movies...been seeing lots of movies lately.

"Star Trek"
Starring: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana.  Never heard of them? You'll know them soon. 

Plus: Winona Ryder is Captain Kirk's (corrected, duh, thanks!) Spock's mom!  When she is captured by the bad guys, everyone in the theater can scream "Free Winona!"  I hope this is her comeback moment, it's time for her to be in movies again.  Hide the valuables on set and everything will be fine. 

Other surprises: Eric Bana is Nero, Bad-Guy-Romulan #1, although I'm tired of seeing movies with Eric Bana screaming at people.  Other than his general attractiveness, I don't see the fascination Hollywood has with him.  But whatever...and Simon Pegg from "Shawn of the Dead" is Scotty, and of course he is hilarious.  Love him so much.

Plot: The "prequel" to the Star Trek TV series of the 60's: how did the USS Enterprise crew meet, how did Captain Kirk get the job, etc.

Why you should see it: This movie kicks ass.  The TV show was more an examination of intergalactic politics and relationships; the movie is more an outer-space action movie.  Non-Trekkie fans may roll their eyes at this movie; but it's not typical Star Trek fare.  Unlike the TV show (and the various spin-offs), the alien characters are kept to a minimum, other than the Vulcans (good guys) and the Romulans (bad guys)...Kirk has sex with a rather zaftig green alien babe...but other than that, there's not a lot of people walking around with weird makeup.  It's just the story of Kirk and Company.  And it's awesome.  This is what the Star Wars prequels should have been.

Why you should really see it: Chris Pine, who are you?  Where have you been???  As a young, rebellious Captain Kirk, Pine plays the role with the PERFECT balance of cockiness, and just a touch of camp factor.   (You can't follow William Shatner's footsteps and take yourself too seriously, I guess.)  Obviously he's going to make it out of the movie alive, but it's still fun to watch him be chased by monsters and scream his head off.  He so so super-cute I want to smush him.

Zachary Quinto and Zoe Saldana are also great.  Quinto has come a long way after playing Tori Spelling's gay Persian BFF on "So NoTORIous."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Valentino: The Last Emperor
Starring: Fashion designer Valentino Garavani, his business partner/spouse Giancarlo Giametti, and the hordes of suck-ups in his world.

Plot: It's Valentino's last fashion show, and the world braces itself for Earth to stop spinning on its axis when he ceases to design gowns. 

Why you should see it: If you are obsessed with Valentino, this is the movie for you.  If not, well...Valentino may be a modern genius (he truly is), but that doesn't make him an interesting person.  And there lies the problem with making him the center of a documentary.  The clothes are pretty, but...snore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Outrage!"
Starring: Florida Governor Charlie Crist, New Jersey Governor (former) Jim McGreevey, the guy who writes gay outing website www.BlogActive.com....who else?...there's a bunch of people in this...oh, and Shepherd Smith, the anchor from Fox News, is in there!  I didn't know he is a big ol' gay.

Plot: Documentary on Republicans who are gay, in the closet, and (theoretically) deserve to be outed because they are big hypocrites who work against the gay community just so they can advance their own careers.

Why you should see it: It's interesting to see these people squirm under the microscope; most of them are generally repugnant, as most politicians are.  This film only focuses on Republicans who actively vote against gay causes, so its purpose is to prevent these people from continuing to do harm; it's not just outing people for fun.  For that reason, I think it does a good job.

But the one thing this movie lacks is the "sympathetic character," which is a necessity for any plot—because by the end, you hate almost everyone in this film.  So it gets pretty dry (and frustrating) by the middle of the story.  And there's lots of complaining about how hard gay life is...which is true in a sense, but the message does not need to be repeated ad nauseum for an entire movie.  "Outrage" could easily be condensed into a one-hour special on Logo or PBS.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Every Little Step"

Starring: Cast of the "A Chorus Line" Broadway revival, plus people who auditioned and didn't get the part

Plot: Documentary on casting a Broadway show. Lots of drama conflama

Why you should see it:  By the end, you want to get on that stage yourself and be in the show too.  Or is that just me?  Whatever...I wrote a full review about it here, if you're interested in seeing the film: Every Little Step