I'm warming a little bit to this season now. Although that winning dress was hideous.
But we have MUCH to discuss.
1) Jennifer and Emily in final two broke my heart. Emily is adorable, and Jennifer looks like she just wants to be loved. Although how many mousey white girls with straight brown hair do you really need on a show? I'm getting them confused. For the first half of the show, I thought Jennifer was making the black planter dress. But no, that was the other mousey white girl with brown hair.
2) I have never understood why anyone would pair a dress with pants. Ladies, why do you do this? You look like you're straight off a Mormon commune, covering all your body parts.
3) Is it hurting the show's credibility when they keep Stella based only on her personality? She is hilarious, but she has about as much design aesthetic of a pool hall.
4) Does Suede really believe that saying his name over and over is going to establish his identity? Or more importantly, does he believe he is establishing his identity in a positive way? At this point, I want him to go away. Forever.
5) Does Blayne have Attention Defecit Hyperactivity Disorder? No matter, I love him.
5:00 PM Leave work.
5:15 Get a hankerin' for a hamburger.
5:16 Contemplate restaurants that serve good hamburgers.
5:17 Decide to go to store and buy materials to make own hamburgers. Tough economy, you know, we must all save a penny now and then.
5:32 Pull in to supermarket parking lot.
5:32:30 No, I wasn't sitting here because I wanted that parking spot that the white car in front of me just left. You go ahead and whip around and take it. I want you to have it.
5:35 Park. Exit vehicle. Proceed to store.
5:36 See genteel man in car, eyeing a parking spot that is blocked by a cart. I need a cart anyway...so wave at guy and grab cart. Guy smiles.
5:37 Enter store to buy hamburger fixin's.
5:39 Oooo, the bakery has cheese pastelitos. Silently pledge love for Latin culture of Miami once again, as this culture has the best sugary baked goods on Earth.
5:41 If I eat this right now, I can pitch the bag and I won't have to pay for it...and the lady behind the counter was a little gruff. I deserve this pastelito, they owe it to me for bad service.
5:43: Finish eating pastelito, free of guilt.
5:45: Stand next to rotund, old-school Miami Beach Jewish woman who is squeezing onions, and filling multiple bags with them. Either she is stocking her WWIII cellar with root vegetables, or she just likes onions a lot.
5:46: Consider array of onions before me.
5:47:10: "Which are the best for hamburgers--white onions, or yellow?"
5:47:15: Am presented with a humongous onion from her collection. VIDALIA. "The season's almost over, get 'em while you can," she says. "I eat 'em like apples."
5:51: Leave produce section, bag of Vidalias in hand, fully schooled on proper onion selection techniques.
5:52: Hmm. What else?
5:57: "...Dear Martha, I frequently host outdoor cocktail parties, and I'd like some novel ideas for hors d'oeuvre trays. Do you have any suggestions?" This magazine is fascinating.
6:02: Approached by man from parking lot earlier--for whom I saved the day by moving a cart. "Hi."
6:03: "No, not onion soup. Just buying onions to make...I don't know yet. But the Jewish lady told me to buy them and I do as I'm told."
6:04: "It was no big deal, glad to help."
6:04:30: "No, you don't have to repay me."
6:04:40: "No really, it's okay."
6:05: If I turn around while I'm walking away, he'll think I'm being coy. Must. Look. Straight. Ahead.
6:08: I really need more of those cheese pastelitos.
6:14: Cart contains eleven items. Must go in the regular line. DAMN.
6:22: "Plastic, please."
6:26: Load car.
6:38: Enter apartment.
6:39: Begin to unload grocery bags.
6:39:30: Examine receipt. Total spent: $31.47, much more than the cost of a hamburger at a restaurant.
6:40: Realize I left the grocery store without buying any actual hamburger meat.
I have to talk about this. We're sitting here in my office hashing this out, like we're analyzing the Mideast peace crisis. Except this just might be more important.
MY THEORIES ON PROJECT RUNWAY:
1) The executives at Bravo are so pissed off that the show is moving to another network, they purposely, and secretly, insisted on casting a group of sucky designers to make the show go down in flames.
Casting for reality shows is led by the production company; but the network must OK the cast before it is finalized. So Bravo execs seem to have directed the casting to a group of people who can't sew to save their lives. Sabotage.
2) Tim Gunn, who is going with the show when it jumps networks, reinforces this theory each time he expresses his exasperation at this season's contestants. He's totally over this group already and he thinks they suck.
3) I would have said the opposite: that the show's producers purposely made this season crappy, so then next season they'd be brilliant, to show how moving to the new network made them better. HOWEVER--that won't happen. The next season will undoubtedly will be more of this "personality is more important than talent" casting, with wacky people pretending to make dresses. Why do I predict this? The casting for the Lifetime TV version of Project Runway will be handled by Bunim-Murray Productions...familiar to some of you, perhaps, for being the production company behind "The Real World."
4) They praised the biker chick's dress not because it was any good; they just want viewers to think there is a reason for keeping her on the show for a while--because they're going to keep her around just because she's funny. Which she is, she's totally funny. But that one-sleeve dress was...not glamorous.
5) When Suede is on the screen, I turn of the volume. I cannot handle listening to him discuss himself in the third person.
6) There were a few saving graces: Terri's navy blue dress
and Blayne's pink-licious dress
were TOTALLY underrated. I thought they were cute. Blayne and his orange skin is very much growing on me, btw.
7) I was secretly hoping Wesley would get kicked off this challenge, as his whole "I'm just a young boy" motif, with his falsely-squeaky voice and the schoolboy highwater pants, were fake and annoying. People like that seem to put on that persona because they can get what they want by acting cute. It's manipulative and it drives me crazy. Good riddance.
Although we can learn a valuable lesson here: Wesley was kicked off in round two, for designing a dress in brown fabric with over-worked details.
In Season 3, Malan was kicked off in round two, for designing a brown dress with over-worked details.
The moral of the story: Don't design a brown dress in the Challenge #2. But if you do—for the love of all that is holy, keep it simple.
I just read an article on the production of milk, and now I'm so grossed out I can't physically ingest the stuff anymore.
I am specifically revulsed by the actual substance of milk. Its existence is threatening to me. I hate that article for tainting milk in my world. I won't post the article here, lest it cast ill effects upon another unsuspecting victim.
Cream cheese on bagels? No dice.
Butter on my bread? Ew.
I used to eat a bowl of cereal every night, whilst enjoying the 1 a.m. "Golden Girls" reruns on Lifetime. But a few nights ago, I took one bite, felt the milk in my mouth, and couldn't do it. Ruined, my little evening ritual has been ruined.
So now, the search for a good milk alternative is on. The options:
1) Soy milk. But I hear of dangers in manufactured soy. Plus...it's bean juice. Gross.
2) Rice milk. But I've never found one that tastes anything like "milk."
3) Almond milk. Tasty; but one time I had it, and I got a huge headache. I don't understand why.
BY THE WAY--I realize this is not the world's most important blog post. But it's just what is happening in my world right now.
It's 10-something on Tuesday night, and I must settle in for a long session of writing writing writing. Many stories to write tonight, I have, so I am warming up my fingers here, with you. Hi. The Latin man is out with his friends, dancing somewhere--today, or tomorrow, or some day around this time is Colombian independence day, so they are with their Colombian friends whooping it up and drinking Colombian beer and wearing Colombian hats. Why they're not drinking coffee, I don't know.
You're missing out on some lovely weather, not being here with me. Today was a little hot; the sun was too bright. But the evenings have been cool, the air not so thick, and there's a big moon making everything shiny. A few weeks ago, it was like living in a bowl of hot oatmeal, trudging through the humidity that was so so bad. But now, it seems to have lifted. It's quite nice.
Miami Beach is a strip of islands a few miles off the Florida coast; the water between the two land masses is called Biscayne Bay. When the weather is still like this, and there's no wind, the waters of Biscayne Bay lay flat and reflect the lights of the buildings up above. The result is stunning. Tonight is one of those nights. Each time I drive over the bridge on nights like this I gasp in awe at the colors zipping across the water. I feel like Trinity in the last film of "The Matrix," when she shoots above the clouds for one brief moment to see blue sky for the first time in her life. Except I don't have marauding robots chasing me.
It's so sad, this day, with the death of Estelle Getty. And what a life--she tried for years, DECADES, most of her life to make it big in the showbiz, and she didn't get her first big part until "Golden Girls." That takes some guts, to keep going like that, getting rejected for so long.
Alright. Time for me to get crackin'. Too bad I couldn't just turn in this, it would save me a lot of work.
6:05 PM: Make grand entrance at going-away dinner party for friend who is moving someplace. Dinner includes barbecue brisket sandwiches (delicious), homemade mac and cheese (delicious), and collared greens (not delicious and how do people eat that stuff?).
7:30: Finish dinner. Listen to explanation of rules for the evening's game: a photo scavenger hunt, to take place throughout nightlife establishments in town. List includes various items to be photographed, some of which being rather pedestrian (#15, "someone who is shirtless"; #17, "exactly 79 cents in change"), while others would require a little effort (#40, "somebody peeking over the urinal sizing up next guy over"; #8, "somebody sitting in the back seat of a cop car").
7:35: Stand to be chosen for teams, one-by-one, gym class style.
7:35:30: Panic over adolescent horror of getting picked last.
7:36: Get picked in third round of drafts. Good enough.
7:40: Huddle in team meeting; realize the only person who will take this as seriously as myself is team captain. Start thinking of strategy. Squelch urge to become stupid-competitive.
8:00: Arrive at first destination, a restaurant with a bar inside. Buy cocktails, and start working room with team captain. Easily spot interracial couple (#31), take picture; someone who has a tattoo (#12), and ghetto white guy (34). Take picture take picture.
8:12: Spot lesbians in corner, canoodling. But will they kiss? That's #52. Keep eye on them for later.
8:20: Asked by management to stop bothering patrons. Inform manager that there are worse things to happen in his place than a group of people having fun. And obviously not everyone is annoyed, as a patron just bought us a round of drinks. Oh, look at that...it's on the list, #18. Click picture.
8:21: Manager skulks away.
8:35 Evil opposing team is networking with servers of establishment to find willing participants for their diabolical ways; they nab photo of person with a mullet (#23), someone drinking white zin (#50), a big scary-looking man drinking a girly drink (#69) AND a person with a toupee (#45). Feel blood boil with rage. Look over and see our team captain clenching his jaw, also watching the enemy at work. And just as the opposing team seems to be finished with their bloodthirsty evil-doing, THEY APPROACH THE LESBIANS.
8:36: Turn away, cannot watch our prized photo opportunity vanish into thin air.
8:40: Witness rest of our team socializing with each other, not working. Realize team is worthless. Must cut dead weight.
8:41: Hatch plan for world domination, alongside team captain.
8:45: Leave rest of team behind and scurry across the street to--dum dum DUUUUUM--a lesbian bar.
8:47: Enter bar. Try not to panic as chatter in bar almost comes to a standstill, as patrons basically stare and wonder what we're doing there.
8:47:30: Immediately become surrouonded by group of marauding lesbians. Try to not make sudden moves, lest we startle them.
8:48: Very friendly patron smiles and says "Hi!"
8:48:10 Respond in-kind.
8:49: Rest of ladies go above and beyond call of duty to be gracious and pleasant, one even punching me friend-like on the shoulder. Resist urge to rub point of contact, as it is now a little sore.
8:50: Attempt to make up story as to why we're there.
8:50:30: Give up on making up story, and just spill the beans. Display list.
8:51: Patrons insist on participating, as they're always up for a good competition.
9:20: Exit bar, giggling, camera FILLED with photos. Lovely, charming patrons at that bar provided the motherlode: we have a picture of a person doing a cartwheel (#25,) someone giving someone else a piggyback ride (#19), someone with a tattoo hidden by clothing (#6) and someone with braces (#51). And, of course, two very kind ladies sharing a cute little kiss. The golden egg, #52.
9:25: Return to first bar—and witness our team captain's boyfriend, who is on the enemy team, getting hit on by some random dude.
9:26: Calmly watch the ensuing fracas, with team captain launching himself up in the face of the new romantic suitor. Profanities are shouted, demands are demanded. No need to get involved, as everyone knows there will be no punches thrown. Gay guys rarely, if ever, fight in bars.
9:29: Romantic suitor goes away. Team captain squabbles with boyfriend, who is mad we left. Take picture of the two of them: a couple fighting (#32).
As you exist through the weekend hours, a few things to waste your time:
1) Apparently starring in sitcoms and in Harold and Kumar movies is not keeping Neil Patrick Harris busy enough. He's teamed up with the brains behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer--a fan of the musical genre, like Harris himself--to make the web series Dr. Horrible's Sing A Long. The third segment will be up soon; and after that, it will all be taken down on the 20th, to then be purchased on iTunes. Pretty funny.
2) The cartoon below has, like, 2 million hits and it was on Cute Overload, but apaprently I am the only person on on the blogosphere who had not seen it until my first experience yesterday. I LOVE these cartoons.
The best part: the cat's voice, presumably a human reproduction, freaks out my cat Gorgeous whenever I play this on my computer.
The artist has a total of three of these cartoons. Go to his page and enjoy.