How was your day, Dan?

THE DAY WITH JAY

This and this are backstage photos at the Jay McCarroll fashion show, posted on the Project Runway blog. I look like a complete slob in the 2nd photo; I wish I could say it was just a bad pic, but alas I looked worse in person. When planned the schedule for the day, I had big plans of enjoying lunch on Lincoln Road, then consulting with the stylists at the hair salon nearby, and then walking home to change into my cute pre-planned outfit to wear for the big night. It was all going to be so glamorous.

Cut to me, sitting on the bathroom floor in Jay's hotel room, steaming the wrinkles out of day-glo dresses and slouchy sweaters for hours on end. I had to sit in that corner and that corner alone because that was the location of the only working electrical outlet; we blew the fuse to the rest of the room when we tried to plug in another iron, as well as play the stereo. Pop. So with only one electrical outlet (or is that "electric outlet"?) there was much steaming for just one person to complete. There was no time for going home to change. There was no time for the cute outfit-ness. I was sloppy all day.

Although all in all, it was such a fantastic event. Those day-glo clothes, honestly, were striking and totally wearable. And Jay is as bright and fun as you would imagine, not to mention a joy to work with. Everything was fun, everything was a party, and we only started about 30 minutes late--which in fashion-show-world means we started early. Although God help you if you sit down at a restaurant with him, and you happen to have a cute male waiter, as Jay thinks nothing of tossing out blush-inducing flirtations like he is asking for more chips.

Or he will start vogueing and cuss you out.

DEAR TOYOTA,

I apologize for bringing this issue to you, but I have a complaint that I must discuss.

Please understand I am a very busy person, and I have a lot going on right now. I am getting a new job, I just wrapped up producing a big party at a film festival, I was up to my ears in models and lighting issues and hairstylists and makeup artists and the list goes on. I haven't slept more than 4 hours a night in weeks, and needless to say my complexion is a disaster from the bad food I'm eating and all this stress.

So yesterday, in a haze of weariness, I went to the gas station to fill my Toyota Celica. I put the nozzle in the tank, I pulled the trigger, I grumbled at the sky-high prices. And as I pulled away from the station....kaput. My car died.

Now I'm sure I don't need to tell you what this did to my nerves. Pulling over on the side of the highway, with cars zooming by as I dialed through my phone to find a friend who wasn't high in the middle of the day who owns a car to come to my rescue, was just too much to bear. And after paying $80 for the tow truck (why didn't I renew AAA membership?!?) to bring the car to the garage, as well as paying for the diagnostic test, it has been a considerable expense.

So the next time you build a car, please do the world a favor: make it compatible with both gas and diesel. Because sometimes when people are in a hurry, they may grab the diesel spigot and put that in their car by accident. And it's not their fault.

It certainly wasn't mine.

Thank you for your attention to this matter. Have a great day.

Sincerely,

Dan Renzi

I ADMIT I STILL WATCH AMERICAN IDOL

This is a picture of the insides of the local Fox TV station-one of my friends is a producer there, and as I had missed this week's Idol, I went to the station to watch the tape of the castrophe that was Andrew Lloyd Weber night. I know I could just order TiVo but driving to the TV station is big fun.

We watched the tape of the Tuesday show; the we watched the results show on TV; and then we ran through the tapes of the season, looking up performances we liked by searching the database for lyrics ("Look up 'drove all night!'" "Look up "lonely people!") The good performances this year are few and far-between, but there has been a few ringers.

Y'know, I realize these shows are always in the best interest for the producers; but at least it used to be an actual competition. The show has developed the single purpose of making Simon Cowell money, and it has grown totally irrelevant and stale. Have they actually sung any songs that you would actually hear in real-life? Beatles night, Dolly Parton night, no one cares.

And okay great, have a "showtune" night, but let the singers sing whatever song they want; just because you worked out some deal with Andrew Lloyd Weber, or Dolly Parton or whoever, don't force them to sing only their songs, just because you worked out a deal to give Simon more money. Watching Brooke, plodding through "You Must Love Me" like she was leading a funeral march, cast a cloud upon my soul like I would never be happy again.

Poor Carly. Thought she had to scream all her songs like an Irish banshee. Why did the vocal coaches tell her to not do that? But honestly--I really think she didn't get the votes because people were turned off she was singing a song about Jesus. If you haven't seen the show, you don't get it. And judging from the knowledge of musical theater on the part of the contestants, it's hard to imagine the viewing public was any better off.

Although ALW yelling at David "I get lost in the music" Archuleta for singing with his eyes closed made me forgive the rest of the show for all its sins. So true.

DEAR LIFE,

I remember when I had one. I would like you back please.

This work-12-hours-and-then-sleep-and-go-back thing isn't the most satisfying existence.

D

TV TIDBITS

We have so much to talk about. None of this will make any sense if you haven't seen (a) the Democratic debate, (b) The Real Housewives of New York City, or (c) The Paper. But even so, read on if you wish.

~~~

1) I listened to part of the Democratic debate on NPR--pretty good stuff, I must say, with lots of actual ideas proposed to give you something to think about--and of course there was bickering bickering bickering but that's just politics.

But for the first time, I have to say--Barack Obama was a bit of a stuttering, stammering slouch--alliteration is the best!--and now apparently he's frustrated that Hills' people keep taking his mis-speaks, which they subsequently beat to death in the press. It's not fair, he says. It's not nice. He says This isn't what politics should be about. Hills should stop. But I ask you this: if he doesn't like it now, what happens when he's up against a Republican opponent, or someone in the press...or people in Iran who are mad he confused their policies with those of Iraq? This isn't telling an elementary school kid that you spell "potato" with an "e" at the end. If he can't handle it now...I dunno. He doesn't seem as robust as he once was.

~~~

2) will, someday, be one of the Real Housewives of New York City.

The coolest housewife (although she's not a "housewife," as she is single with no kids) is clearly Bethenney--as is exhibited by the story linked above. But it's Ramona I find rather compelling, as she's like the real live Edina Monsoon from Absolutely Fabulous. I present the following:

1) Ramona dresses in high-concept clothes that are inappropriate for her age.

2) Ramona tends to be a bit brazen with her comments.

3) Ramona perpetually embarrasses her level-headed daughter.

4) Ramona works in the fashion industry. Albeit--like Edina--not significantly so, just enough to have business lunches from time to time.

5) Her husband seems a little bit gay.

I see a spin-off in the future.

~~~

3) If you haven't seen The Paper on MTV, you must. MUST. Let me just say this: in high school, I threw a hissy fit because I wasn't named the editor-in-chief, and was given the job of "business manager" instead. It involved tears. I had no idea I was so...commonly found out there in the world. God bless Adam.

And that awful Giana girl...when Amanda was given the EIC job, and Giana laments the future of the paper looks grim: "No one is going to listen to her!" Translation: "I'm going to make sure no one listens to her!" And the sabotage begins. Giana needs to sit in a dark room and watch Mean Girls. Although she might learn a few tips on how to do it better, I don't know.

~~~

4) This is hilarious.

THESE ARE THE RULES

Hey--

"What?"

Don't make plans for Saturday.

"Why not?"

I'm putting you to work.

"Doing what?"

Measuring skinny girl models who come to the casting for the Jay McCarroll fashion show.

"Oh."

You're in charge of measuring bust lines.

"Why?"

Because I'm going to be taking their pictures.

(pause)

It will be fun. You can pretend you're Jay Manuel from America's Next Top Model. Without all the makeup of course.

"And who are you going to be?"

Tyra of course.

"Of course."

Someone has to be superior and condescending.

"Can I leave if I get bored?"

Mmm-hmmm.

"Okay."

I just won't have sex with you for the rest of the time you're staying with me.

"You are such a typical Cancer."

How so?

"This emotional blackmail that you do. It's very Cancerian."

Cancers are good at emotional blackmail?

"Yes."

Cool. I'll have to remember that the next time I want to use it on purpose.

"You don't need to try. You're the best."

And what are Tauruses like?

"Handsome and perfect."

And obnoxious.

MODEL CASTING CALL: Jay McCarroll Fashion Show

CASTING DATE: Saturday, April 19, from 12-5 PM
LOCATION: Lobby of the Maxine Hotel, 1756 Collins Ave., Miami Beach

Jay McCarroll, winner of Project Runway Season 1, is coming to Miami for a screening of his documentary "Eleven Minutes," about his show in New York Fashion Week.

The screening will be followed by a party on the Dorset Hotel rooftop deck, featuring a fashion show of Jay's latest line.

Casting models models models:
- Women: at least 5'8", sizes 2 to 4
- Men: 5' 10" to 6' 2", sizes 40R to 42L, lean trim body types

Agency affiliation helpful but not necessary. There is no pay. All products, makeup, hairstyling, everything is being donated. There will, however, be heavy media exposure.

You do not need to make an appointment; this is an open call. But for more information, email lisa@mglff.com or call 305-534-9924.

The actual fashion show is April 26, in the evening.

Sponsored by MGLFF, the Miami Gay & Lesbian Film Festival, and Christian Dior Cosmetics.

DEAR TYRA BANKS,

Hi. You know I've loved you from the first season of Top Model, and I've wished you nothing but success. "Shake Ya Body Body?" I downloaded it, yes I did, and I still sing it from time to time. Coyote Ugly? I've seen it, like, eight times. I'm there for you, T.

Last night I watched the American Idol Gives Back telethon and for all their pop culture manipulation, the Idol folks really do seem to have the best of intentions, using their own influence to raise money for the greater good. Bravo, I say. In support of the telethon, celebrities traveled to improverished lands, from the fields of Africa to the backwoods of Kentucky, and spoke first-hand of the atrotious living conditions people are forced to endure. Annie Lennox visited a group of children living in Africa--both of their parents dead from AIDS--who must now fend for themselves, with their neighbors giving them food whenever they can. Then celebrities filmed testimonials, pleading to the American public to make donations in support of the organization.

And then came your testimonial...which was filmed on set of your own talk show...with your talk show logo "TYRA" lit up over your shoulder, like a beacon.

Was it so important for everyone to see your name lit up like that?

Turn the camera a few feet, and you'd have a blank backdrop, just like everyone else, you know. You didn't see David and Victoria Beckam with a big sign over their heads that said "POSH AND BECKS" in bright lights. And Becks and Posh are way cooler than you. Oops! I let that slip. You're the best, you know I think so.

I let the "photos with homeless teenagers" slide. It was weird, but I'm pretending you paid the homeless teenagers for their time, instead of just exploiting them, and I've let it go. But take it from a TV has-been: there comes a point when you have to let it go, sweetcakes.

It's just something that irked me about the show last night. You're still the fiercest. Sloppy kisses!

Dan

WRITER'S BLOCK

I have writer's block again, so I'll warm up by telling a story.

My brother took his family on a Spring Break holiday to Kawai, the most remote and exotic of the Hawaiian isles. It was the first time flying over the ocean for his three daughters, ages 6, 5, and 2, and to mark the occasion the trip was a no-holds-barred extravaganza of luxury. Hotel suites with ocean views, lavish day trips, they spared no expense. They had to make it worth the 8-hour flight from their home in the Central Time Zone.

The hotel offered a reduced price on meals for kids under the age of 5; after a week of meals, that extra $10 added up to something, at least. So they sat down the 5-year-old, R, and explained they were going to tell the hotel she was only 4 years old, so she could qualify for the kiddie meal. "Lying is wrong," they said in earnest, "but just this once it's okay, because we said so." R had earned those five years, and stating her age as any younger than she really was could be taken as an insulting blow to her But such whinings were for lesser girls. R is a trooper. Wide-eyed, accepting their challenge, she nodded.

For a week straight, each time they sat down for breakfast, they ordered two kiddie meals; and each time, the server pleasantly asked "How old are they?" And the adults would point at R, and say "She's only 4." And R, each time, would stare straight at the server, unfazed, and nod deeply. Good job.

After their week of deception, they boarded the plane to return home. Sad they were leaving their island paradise, everyone was relatively quiet, watching out the window as the plane taxied towards the runway. And the plane took off, making their departure official.

R let out a big sigh. "It sure does feel good being 5 again."

DEAR DAN

Dear Dan,

Why weren't you at the Real Worlds Awards Bash?

Because I don't deal with those people unless I'm getting paid. No one got paid for any of that. Correction: MTV got paid a lot for that show, because none of the people on it got paid anything. I can't do anything about them using old footage of me, but I don't have to take time off work just for the thrill of being in front of TV cameras again. Screw that.

~~~

Dear Dan,

Here is my situation: I met a boy about 10 years ago online on a forum. we became friends and spoke every day, and often spoke on the phone the last few years of it. Over the past couple years, we realized we were falling in love. Great huh? Yeah, one catch. He lives in Australia, I live in the U.S. He came here to visit on an around the world trip he took and we spent the best 3 months of my life together. I know he loves me, nothing can shake that fact, and the feeling I get.

Recently he has been acting different (he's been home a while now) and brought up in conversation how hard it is to be apart. I am planning a trip there and he is excited. I know the differences between a man and women are vastly different. His needs are more geared toward physical right now and mine are emotional. It's so hard to be apart, and I am hoping his doubts were voiced just from sadness of being apart and not from genuinely doubting that we can be together.

I am so afraid of losing him, but my confidence and faith in being able to make this work is taking a beating. I am more than willing to relocate to Australia and go through the citizenship process for him and for our future. He is worth it. I have been through some hellish relationships to get to him and i am not ready to let go.

Do you think lond distance relationships can work? I believe with all my heart it can but I don't know if I am letting the fairy tale of my prince charming overrun my logic thinking.

I wish I had an answer for you. I have no idea if they can work or not.

I do know this: the whole guy vs. girl, "physical" vs "emotional" thing, is so overstated. Women need to be touched just as much as men, even if men want to get right to the sex and women don't necessarily need to rush into it. And men need to talk, even if they don't need to sit there and talk about their relationships all day. The differences are in the details; we all need the same things.

But be careful...if you sit there and think about him more than you actually talk to him, you can start to invent ideas of what you think he would do, say, etc., if he was there with you. And then when he actually shows up--and he's different than what you invented in your head--you'll be disappointed. Meanwhile, the real-life version is just as good, it's just not what you pictured in your head. Hence, the dangers of online dating and all that.