DEAR GORGEOUS THE CAT,
You must think you live in the house of horrors.
Last night when I went to do laundry, I hurriedly grabbed all the sheets off my bed in one batch. I had no idea you were tucked into the blankets; I thought the lumpiness was just one of my blankets, all rolled up in the middle.
So it took a few moments to realize that blankets, in fact, do not move on their own volition, and therefore the mass in my arms must have contained something that was actually alive. And as there is only one living thing in my apartment besides myself, I should have realized the wiggling mass was you.
Again, I offer my apologies, and I'm glad you put up a struggle before I jammed you into the washing machine. I can't imagine you would have dealt with all that water with a very understanding eye.
And please don't feel bad about peeing all over my sheets. Accidents happen when we're scared; getting wrapped up in a pile of blankets would be very scary for someone as small as you. And staying up all night, repeatedly alternating between bleaching and OxyCleaning everything to get them fully clean, taught me a lesson how to be more careful with my things--especially you.
You're getting a fresh batch of catnip tonight.
Love,
Me
Strangely, I can picture this as a Garfield comic strip.
Posted by: jim | March 21, 2008 at 11:31 AM
i just wanted to say that regardless of whether or not you won at the award's bash you'll always be my favourite cast member.
Posted by: Daveia | March 21, 2008 at 12:26 PM
Gorgeous has been through a lot, huh?
Posted by: maggie | March 21, 2008 at 01:24 PM
Friends don't let friends launder drunk.
Posted by: David | March 21, 2008 at 02:08 PM
Oh, poor, poor Gorgeous. She's had a number of traumas hasn't she.
Watch that peeing thing though - hope she isn't developing a bladder infection.
Posted by: Erica | March 21, 2008 at 02:46 PM
Oh... forgot to mention that I saw your entry over at passive agressive.com!!!
Also, did ya know that AtomicTumor is getting married this weekend???
Posted by: Erica | March 21, 2008 at 02:46 PM
no matter what, Gorgeous will still love you.
Posted by: rusty | March 21, 2008 at 04:43 PM
Uh-huh. GORGEOUS was the one who peed the bed. Hmm-mmm. Sure she was.
Posted by: Yummsh | March 21, 2008 at 09:36 PM
Haven't you abused this cat enough, Mr. Renzi!!! God, if you don't start treating this cat right I am going to call the SPCA and have them take that cat away from you. Next you know you will be yelling at that cat "Whose name is on this envelope? Whose name?" and then holding up an envelope with words "Dan Renzi" on it. That's a scarey thought.
Posted by: Glenn C | March 24, 2008 at 02:37 AM
Picking up where Paris Hilton left off, eh? Poor Gorge. I've rolled over onto my cat in bed before. They are by nature innocent bystanders. Still, I worry.
Posted by: johnO | March 25, 2008 at 03:41 PM
I have not laughed so hard in a long time. Poor kitty.
Posted by: Hope | April 13, 2008 at 11:17 AM