"Hey it's me."
Why are you calling me at 4 in the morning?
"What are you doing?"
So what's up?
"Do you miss me?"
Not right now, no.
"I'm in Miami Beach."
"Do you want me to come over?"
Because I'm in bed.
"I could get into bed with you."
You could, but then you hog the sheets and I hate that.
"I want to see you."
"Don't say that."
"Will you wait up for me?"
What do you mean?
"If I come over in a little while?"
No, it's 4 in the morning, you woke me up.
"You wouldn't have picked up the phone if you didn't want to see me."
No, I picked up the phone because I have to pick up the phone, I have too many messages in my voicemail, I can't listen to them.
"I'll be there in a little while, I got to do something first."
What else could you possibly do at 4 in the morning?
"I have to go somewhere first."
To your girlfriend's house?
"No, we live together now."
"We been living together."
For how long?
"A few months."
So you've been going out with me and then GOING HOME to her.
When you say 'sorta,' do you mean you sorta go home? Like, you go home, but you don't actually walk in the door? You just stand there on the porch?
"Why can't I come see you?"
Well, there are now several more reasons why you can't.
"Don't say that."
I didn't "say" anything. You said "I live with my girlfriend."
"Are you mad?"
Are you asking if I'm mad at you because you're cheating on your girlfriend, or am I mad because I'm jealous that you live with her?
This just became very easy. No, you can't come over.
"I'm coming over."
I'm going to bed. Goodnight."
"I'm coming over and knocking on your door until you answer."
You better not, you'll wake up the old Jewish lady below me and whenever she sees black people in the building she calls the cops.
"Then you better let me in."
No. I'm hanging up.
It is 4 in the morning, and I am going back to bed. And you should go home to your girlfriend.
"I don't want to go home to her, I want to be in bed with you."
No you don't.
"Yes I do."
Well, I don't want you in my bed.
Because you cheat.