How was your day, Dan?

ROCKIN' THE SUBURBS: EPISODE 3

This recap took a while. My angry-white-guy, rockin-the-suburbs brother and I had much to discuss. Click the extended post to read the recap.

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DEAR SWEET P,

I would like to let you know that I think you are the bee's knees and you make me laugh. I also believe you can sew pretty well, based on your rescue of Elisa's work in last week's competition. But my little brother has already sent me two text messages and numerous emails about the episode of Project Runway last night, he got really fired up about everything that happened, and he has many opinions to offer about your performance. So when we post the recap, your name will be trashed.

I'm just apologizing in advance.

For whatever it's worth, I wear extra-long ties and they are hard to find, so feel free to make a few for me.

Hugs.

Dantheman

Dear HWYDD Readers,

I'd just like to point out the fact that when you write repeated nasty comments, and sign them with different names, you should switch computers each time you do it. Otherwise, you will register the same IP address over and over.

Just a suggestion.

Comments have been edited accordingly, including supportive comments in response to said initial offensives. Please feel free to leave comments again.

tidbits

1) I spent four days going to events for the White Party, so I could write about it. What I ended up with is here: Dan Renzi

Writing about a party is not newsworthy. So the stuff I wrote is just a fluffy diary, it may not be of interest if you're not (a) in Miami or (b) familiar with the gay party scene.

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2) The Gay Bloggies? I was too busy to keep writing, I missed the latest deadline. Unfortunately, the topics we are supposed to write about had become, shall we say, not a priority for me to work on. Apparently they're saying I was in the Bottom 3 of the voting, but I'm just not competing anymore at all, really. Best of luck to whomever ends up going for the money. I got a bunch of emails from people saying they were voting, so thanks for putting forth the effort.

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3) Let's take a tour of daytime TV.

Armageddon on FX. Remember when Ben Affleck wasa big deal? It's amazing just how bad this movie is. I'm just sayin'.

Boomerang on Bravo. Halle Berry is much lighter-skinned in this movie than she is now. Does she tan to make her skin darker? Perhaps it's easier for an actress to be identifiable as a certain ethnicity. There was a similar story line in Tales Of The City, which you must read if you haven't yet.

Ahh, the Barefoot Contessa. Of all the Food Network personas, she is my favorite. Every time she fills a bowl with melted chocolate, you can tell she is really making love to it. Giada has good recipes, but it's no fun watching her cook. Too skinny, too many teeth in her smiles. Give me the indulgence of the Contessa.

I have an odd fascination with Samantha Brown of the Travel Channel. Scott of Scott-O-Rama is Paige Davis' #1 Fan, and I can understand his affection for perky plucky cable-TV hosts. Great Hotels is, without question, my favorite TV show, and Passport To Europe is up there too. Right now Passport is visiting Cork, Ireland. She's trying Irish sausages. And she took a bite that's too big! Ha! Oh that Sam. Always up to something.

I need to leave this apartment.

I SWEAR I HAD THIS CONVERSATION TODAY

The time: mid-afternoon.
The place: crossing the street by my apartment. I was munching on a delicious sandwich.
The scenario: I am approached by a guy I went out with on two dates; he was nice, but then he abruptly disappeared, never returned my calls, nothing. I didn't give it a second thought.

Him: "Hi."

Me: (pause to recognize him, and then...) Hi! Long time no see.

"Do you remember me?"

Of course. How are you?

"I'm fine. How have you been?"

Great. Where have you been?

"It's a long story."

Oh.

"It was a lot of drama."

You don't have to tell me.

(Pause...and then--)

"I was in jail."

How nice.

"Yeah."

What did you do?

"Possession of drugs."

Well, this is Miami.

"I know, it's bullshit. All the other cops who caught me with drugs never did anything."

Well that's just so unfair.

"I know."

What were you caught with?

"Marijuana, and pills that weren't mine."

Oh. How long were you in?

"Forty-five days. But they have this new thing called 'gay jail,' that's separate from the rest of the inmates. It's not bad, I just watched TV."

I've heard of gay jail, my friend went there. I don't know why everyone doesn't just lie and say they're gay to get the nice jail.

"Actually they didn't believe me when I told them at first, they said I was lying just to get the gay jail."

But you're, like, so gay. How could they not tell?

"I know."

(pause)

"I'm glad you're still talking to me."

Why wouldn't I?

"I didn't mean to disappear on you like that."

(I really didn't care.) Well, jail does get in the way. Where are you going right now, by the way? I have to get home...

"I'm waiting for my friend to give me a ride. My car was re-possessed."

Oh, that sucks. How are you getting to work?

"I got fired."

Oh.

"But y'know, I have a lot more free time now, so...if you want to get together..."

That sounds GREAT.

"I've been kinda lonely."

Yeah, I would think jail is lonely.

"Actually, I always had roommates in jail, they were pretty hot. They kept me company."

Wow, this story just keeps getting better and better.

"Do you want to get together later?"

I don't know, I have to work.

"What about after?"

I have to work really late.

"Well call me when you're done."

That sounds good.

"We can make up for lost time. I learned a few things while I was in the gay jail."

ROCKIN' THE SUBURBS

First of all: the winning dress from this week? It goes on sale today. Do you want to buy a $19 dress? I dunno about that. But maybe it's cute when you see it in person.

Second: I couldn't watch Project Runway this week, and none of my friends could watch it since none of us have cable (what is wrong with us?) so I asked my white-guy-in-the-suburbs younger brother to watch it for me and tell me what happened. And this time, I actually did ask him.

His response is below.

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THE DUMBEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL YEAR

Person #1: I didn't know you celebrate Thanksgiving.

Person #2: Sure, why wouldn't I?

Person #1: But I thought you were Jewish.

AND END SCENE.

LOTS TO READ, LOTS TO READ

...'round the internets:

-- Round 3 of the Gay Bloggies is up. The topic: Describe your guiltiest pleasure. My entry is here: Dan Renzi

The advertisers are starting to include some naughty adult stuff, so...y'know...click only if that doesn't bother you. And of course there's all sorts of wacked out sexy stuff in the entries. Although my entry is very PG. And it's VERY DEEP AND MEANINGFUL.

I'm also going to post the previous round's entries here, in case you can't/don't want to click over to the Gay Bloggies site. All this work I'm doing, writing writing writing, people are questioning where it's going.

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-- Remember Atomic Tumor? It's been a year since the big bad day. New wife, new life, very heavy.

~~~

There was something else but I don't remember what it was. Dang.

Okay, so that's just two things to read but by internet standards that's a lot. And you can read the rest of this post if you didn't see the "Nature vs. Nurture" entry yet. I gotta go. See yous later.

Dear You,

Hi, it's Me. I have a big list of stuff for you to do today and I know if I write it down and put it on the pile of stuff in the kitchen you will forget to read it. So here it is:

1) Pick up your press pass for the White Party. And remember to go to the events. You're writing about it.

2) Pick up the movies for the Miami Gay & Lesbian Film Festival. And remember to watch them. You're a screener for it.

3) Call the guy from Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild. You might be in it.

4) Call the Mac store and make an appointment for a computer check-up. You're having problems with it.

5) Go to the bank and get your new bank card. The old bank card? You misplaced it.

6) Buy a book for the GRE. Your test date is in a few weeks. You need to study for it.

7) Buy a cat door to install on your back door. That litter box is nasty. Your cat makes a mess in it.

8) Iron your shirt for the party at the Versace Mansion tonight. You are going to it.

9) Call your mother.

GAY BLOGGIES: ROUND DEUX

The second round of Gay Bloggies is up. The challenge: Discuss the question of "Nature Vs. Nurture." I'm happy to say it's all much better this time, no crazy sex or twistedness or whatever, you may read freely.

My entry is here: Dan Renzi

A few nights ago I was a phone-in guest on the Derek & Romaine show on Sirius Radio, discussing the contest; a few other contestants were riled up, saying that gave me an unfair advantage. I assured everyone that my readers are the first ones to tell me when my stuff is schlock, so the rest of the group needn't worry.

Enjoy.