SLEEP SEX

I have a rather peculiar problem.

I keep having sex in my sleep.

And not like in my dreams. As in, I have sex with people, while I am still sleeping. Sleep-sexing.

These occurrences happen when I am sharing a bed with a friend, whether because we are on a trip somewhere and we had to get a room with one bed, or because I simply "crashed" at his place. These are the things friends do, no big deal. But then somehow, even though I go to sleep thinking entirely platonic thoughts, in the middle of the night I jump on the guy, literally leap on top of him, and we make wild passionate monkey love. And then I finish and I just go back to sleep.

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the moment, which then requires a decision, Do I keep going?...often it's too incestuous, so I stop. But sometimes, y'know, once the launch sequence has started, there's no turning back.

Then sometimes it happens and I'm not aware of anything, until I wake up the next morning and he's lying there with an odd expression on his face.

It was big fun when I lived with a boyfriend of years past; I went through several solid months of sleep-sexing at least once a week. I would toss him around the room, thrashing around the bed, the violent lip-biting stuff with much moaning and gasps and shoving around, with a bossy command or two. And he'd go to work very groggy the next day. I imagine that's what Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are like when they're doing it, with her beating the hell out of him.

I never had a history of sleep-walking or anything of the sort; except one time I actually got out of bed and walked into my roommate's room, intent on climbing into bed with him and his boyfriend. Luckily I woke up when I bumped into his nightstand. And he didn't wake up, so I was able to sneak back into my own room.

I don't understand why I do this. These are often not people I have sex with when I am conscious. And someday it's going to get me killed, as a recipient tries to defend himself. In fact, there's an article from the BBC about sleep sex. Apparently it's a real thing, who knew?

Comments

[caffeine72]

There was actually a Law & Order, SVU episode about this recently. I have a friend who does it, but he's married and his wife is into it.

[Yummsh]

Run, Gorgeous, run!

[john.]

oh god....this has happened to me as well. The very best sex I ever have had has been when I'm asleep...there's no thinking involved, no inhibitions...just pure instinct.
In high school and college it was a great way to get straight boys to "experiment" - in fact, some of them started it by pushing their erectness into my leg...and as the good book says, "turn the other cheek"
Ahhh...memories, light the corners of my mind.........

[Jules]

WOW.

[John]

Do you take any sleep aides? Apparently Ambien and others can cause this behavior. Regardless, (warning: typical slutty gay comment to follow) I think you should come visit me soon. Strictly platonic, of course.

[D]

I've never heard of this before! Not surprised though. Sleep is a powerful thing

[TED]

I really don't see why this is a problem: it just sounds like your body is smarter than your head. But if it truly disturbs you, try having more sex while you're awake.

[s]

yeah, law and order did something with this.

you'll get jail time.

[Jayne]

My friend's husband used to do this to her in his sleep. Her lawyers successfully argued that his behavior was considered rape. Needless to say, they are now divorced and he is paying her a hefty sum in alimony. Careful, honey...

[Justin]

All these comments saying it's dangerous, but it doesn't sound like these guys are asking him to stop.

Hot.

[willam]

there should be a support group for this...where naps (and weigh-ins) are required.

[recycled]

This happens to me as well, and no one ever believes me when I wake up the next morning and don't remember anything, or have vague recollections of a sexual dream of some sort. I do have a history of talking in my sleep, and was quite a sleepwalker as a kid. Fortunately, I'm not in the habit of sleeping in bed with someone unless I am at least remotely considering intimacy with them, so all the "victims" thus far have had no objections.

[Jen]

I don't sleep sex, but my boyfriend will roll over in the middle of the night and hole my head in his hands and tell me mind blowing things, eyes closed, kiss me, and go back to sleep and have no memory of it! Annoys the piss out of me!

[Steven.]

I always thought 'sleep sex' was a euphamism for 'She had a headache when she was awake... well, now she's not awake.'

[Dan Renzi]

Jen--I read your comment, and I thought about it all the way home. I need to know: what does he say to you? I imagine it's lovely, poetic, meaningful things. Please tell me.

[rachel]

you should see a doctor, you could hurt yourself or someone else.

[Coy]

I do it too! Only I wake up everytime but luckily my hubby NEVER minded.

[Eric]

next time I'm in Miami, feel free to crash at my hotel... (passionate monkey love? really??)

[erik]

my friend josh did that to me. i was like, "GET OFF ME!" it's the source of great stories still.

but who would want you to get off them?

[Emily]

I once dated a guy who did that, although i never experienced it. He just told me about it as a warning. He was pretty embarrassed about it. I wonder if there is anything you could do about it especially with the whole "rape" thing, you don't wanna deal with that

[Jen]

Hey Dan
I emailed you back! Let me know if you think it is totally crazy!

[johnO]

I wanna know too. In the vein of the 'Dear Dan' posts, I would love if you two would agree to share what Jen's bf says while asleep!

[johnO]

...In a new post of course. I know I'll forget to check back in the comments of this one!

[Patrick]

Along with the worries others mention, I'm wondering just what activities are involved in sleep sex, and whether some of them should involve condoms. If so, that would be cause for concern too, yes?

[aaron elvis]

Like many of the other comments posted pre this one, I too used to have sleepsex but always with the BF. I know now that it was because he never gave it up and the deprivation caused my subconcious into overdrive, but what can you do?
Also, (insert vailed sexual reference to wanting to share a bed with you "as friends" here)