TOM RIDDLE'S DIARY

More of the Overeater's Anonymous diary. Interesting questions asked.

NOTE: If you're just joining us--these post contains entries from a diary I found. I have no idea who this person is. I post it because I think it's fascinating and surprisingly thought-provoking. But it's pretty heavy stuff, don't read if you're not ready.

Click here:

How have I used excess food to escape life's problems?

Food occupies time. Empty time. It fills voids. Bingeing, I think about other people, I compare myself, my shortcomings. I stuff stuff stuff. Then I purge purge purge. I feel so sick then the only thing to do is sleep. Time goes by quickly.

Or...does alcohol alleviate boredom? Or eases my craving for food at first?

Are there any particular foods or eating behaviors which give me trouble?

Alcohol. I feel really really guilty right now. Mexican food sometimes is problematic. Taco Bell. The taste stays with me too long.

Unhealthy food that makes me fele dirty and toxic inside, and come up easily. Foods with food coloring. Cake icing.

Have I returned to my former compulsive overeating behavior after years in recovery?

No--I never stopped. But now it has developed into something worse than ever. I hate what I am doing to myself. I just want to stop it but I'm afraid, or I don't want badly enough to cut out the drinking.

I really hate to abuse myself. I don't deserve it.

I feel guilty because I'm not taking, or giving, ____ enough love too. I feel shamed that she sees me this way. And I feel shame that _____ and her husband see me so drunk. _____ too...repeatedly.

Has chronic unhappiness over my eating problems affected my friendships or marriage? How?

I don't go out. It holds me back. I want comfort in food first, or a drink. I isolate myself, I leave early. I start to think about a food I really want, and I leave early, pick it up, eat it, and purge.

I close myself off from relationships because I need more food or a drink and I'm ashamed to let others see this side of me. Or if I eat too much sometime, I feel disgusted, and I need to excuse myself to go home and throw up.

How have I believed that my life would be manageable if only others around me would do as I wanted?

If _____ or _____ would just let me act like I want, to say what I want...

Now--I have it. I'm free. I can do whatever I want. But what do I want? I'm free & lost.

When and how has my life been unmanageable?

Now it's the worst it's ever been. I get here, and I feel trapped. I want a new car. My lips done, my nose done, to look good in my clothes. To eat normally. Control my drinking. Be at peace with myself have a great social network grow in my career. I look at ___ and how he's probably leaps & bounds ahead of me...I feel like a complete failure compared to him. You see, I compare too much. I want all that stuff. I feel guilty for that.

Even when I succeed, has it been enough to make me happy?

Success only makes me temporarily happy. Do I look for reasons to be unhappy?

Comments

[Nate]

I completely disagree with Tom. I think you're doing everything you can to keep this private; no one could ever identify this person from what you've put here, and this could really help someone.

[PstLyfDiva]

I don't agree with Tom. While this is sad and pitiful, it can also educate people as to the pain the other's face. Life has a way of making us think that our problems are the worst in the world, this can open up our eyes to the trials and tribulations of someone that ordinarily people might discount. I think it is horribly fantastic that it is being shared. Each time you learn of another's pain it offers the oppurtunity for you to become more and more caring and accepting.

[Kati]

I don't find it pitiful. It is a glimpse into 12-step programs, and into the mind of a self-proclaimed addict. The owner of the diary didn't write it to look for pity, merely as a way to try and heal. It works for many, and I hope it worked for this person.

Thanks for continuing to share this, Dan.

[Mike]

Wow. That's some deep stuff right there...

[willam]

I almost fainted walking across paramount today on my way to meet with Ryan Murphy. I slowed my step and thought "maybe I was walking too fast" but then i realized i wasn't and it wasn't the heels either. I think i almost had a heart attack. i wanted to rip my wig off and pass out. It was because I hadn't eaten in 3 days because i didn't want to bloat. My OA group used to look at me like I was a snack and I had less of a right to be there. I hated them. So no i just wreak havoc alone on this body.
are you an OA member? is that why you keep posting or you just like his blog?

[Laura]

Just my $.02
I don't think it's right either. If "tom riddle" happened to stumble upon your site can you imagine the shame they would feel after reading their diary posted online?
We all have our own vices of one kind or another, why not just post the questions and have all of us answer them in the comments section, still interesting but not at anyone else's expense. Food for thought...

[Laura]

ps the word food canm be substituted for anything - lying, sex, alcohol, cleaning whatever youre own particuliar addiction is

[willam]

i think it's fine you repost it dan.

[Anon]

I appreciate that you post this Dan. I can see a piece of myself in this person and it has finally allowed me to admit to myself that I am hurting my own body by my drinking and overeating. I don't purge like this woman, but I am finally admitting that I have an issue and need to solve the problem. Thank you Dan, and thank you Tom Riddle.

[Trying to get better]

I also found these entries to be a real eye opener for me. I too abuse food and alcohol and honestly thought there was nobody else like me out there. Reading these entries inspired me to get some OA books and finally tackle this issue. Thanks Dan!

[kathy]

I don't know, I rather think that if the author did see her diary posted here, and then saw the support and good-will posted in response, she might feel a little less alone. Or, better yet, re-read her words and think "I'm so glad to be through with that and healthy now."
It's terribly sad, though.

[Glenn C]

I think this is a terrible invasion of privacy and a violation of the man's civil liberties. It's just as bad a wire taping. How would you feel if somebody found your diary and posted it on their blog or got it published? Your making entertainment out of another person's pain and suffering. It's just sleazy to dig through someone's trash and use their deepest darkest thoughts and feelings for your own personal gain and for other people to read it for enjoyment and amusement. Even if Tom never finds out that you've been doing this with his journal it is still morally wrong.

[Glenn C]

If you can't find nothing else to write about search for a good topic. I'd rather suffer through another Harry Potter blog (runs for rusty knife) than see these Tom Riddle blogs on your site. You are a far better writer than this. Show some integrity!!!