MEN SUCK

If there is a guy you're interested in, but you don't know if he's (a) available or (b) in a relationship, just do the following: put me in a room with him, and if he is dating someone, he will come up to me and ask for my phone number. He may even possibly touch portions of my body where I wear my bathing suit. However, if he's actually single, he won't notice I am alive.

I don't know how I find these guys.

YET ANOTHER, I met last night. Everything was great, he introduced himself, we talked all night, we sent cute little text messages all day today, I stole cheesecake from work and brought it to him (at his BEACHFRONT, 38TH FLOOR, JAW-DROPPING CONDO) because he said he wanted some. So cute, right? Barf.

So I go over there, and he's giving me the tour of his home, and I'm thinking, What is wrong with this guy? Smart, successful, beautiful, obviously looooooooaded--there must be something, something something something WHAT IS IT? and we pass the photos: him standing with the man who might as well be every South American underwear model ever born, a slab of gorgeousness smiling back at me, mocking me. I knew who is was before I asked.

"Oh, that's my partner," he said. "We've been together for 5 years."

A ha.

And I am here, why?

At least this one is dating a man, he's keeping true to his people.

The Jamaican is different. He's just...this guy, this thing, that comes in and out of my life for fun. We hang out, he tells weird stories that make me laugh, we fool around and then he goes away. That's it. I'm not going to marry him. Why would I? He cheats.

Although for whatever it's worth, his relationship with his girlfriend is obviously not serious--I often doubt if she even exists, thinking he's just putting up a front to battle his insecurity--and even so, I don't care. Doesn't matter, I'm not talking about him.

I'm talking about all the rest of these men I've met, who have been in "relationships" for years but are bored and want to date me on the side. These guys, who are so weak they cannot handle being single NOR can they handle monogamy. I don't know, which one is harder? I can attest that both are fine. I wish men would give them a shot, and stop sucking their thumbs and hanging onto their security blankets and just drop the boyfriend-crutches and move on with their own lives.

Okay I'm done. Time for bed. Too bad, he was really interesting and nice.

Comments

[kryss]

I am SO with you... I find that the cheaters gravitate towards me and I gravitate towards gay men, so either way it's not too productive!

That said, I shall remind you of what one wise Miamian said in an email not long ago, "you deserve better! any guy who makes up having a girlfriend isn't worth your time or attention!" Remember that? Listen to yourself... and if it doesn't pan out, perhaps you and I'll just get married and then great single guys will want to hang with us since it'll look like we're cheating :P

[D]

I guess its safe to say that your operation to find a husband is not going well...

What is it with cheaters??? I'm so sick of that

[erik]

well, i wouldn't do that to you!

[Jules]

Yes, yes, yes. So true.

Even still, I love that you brought him some cheesecake. Naughty intentions, aside it's adorable.

bigpikchur.blogspot.com

[johnO]

You poor guy. You make me want to play some Patsy Cline for you.

You know, 'straight' guys know how to play too, just like gay ones. They tell you up front that they have a 'girlfriend' and it's a total Get Out of Jail-Free card. If things aren't working perfectly for them, they just say that the boy/girlfriend is on to them and has to quit. 'Taken' ones are bad news, don't even bother.

[Aidan]

Like my momma always said, "Men are pigs."

[Dean]

Here's my experience, take it for what it's worth: guys who have any amount of "game" are trouble. Somehow, guys with boyfriends talk a smooth game.

[Scott]

You still did the cheesecake guy, right?

[Christopher]

Actually, the men YOU choose to date suck (at least according to you). Not ALL (gay,bi,or straight) men.

[Jane Jane]

So... I can send the guy I like to you? I'd like to know if he single or not.

And whatever happened to AG?

[Fabio]

OMG i totally get you dan, miami and men aren't always the best put together recipe it sucks majorly. Either way if it helps i enjoyed reading this posting it made me laugh abit because i know what you mean being that i also live in miami. Anywho just wanted to say hi also and say that i use to have the biggest crush on you growing up watching you on tv, well take care and wishing you the very best.

Cheers,
Fabio.

[Liz]

Sorry Hunny, I like you too much to let you off the hook on this one. I have to call you on your shit. The second you find out about the "partner" that is the moment YOU need to take responsibility for your own happiness. I know you know you're never going to change them.

[mike]

unfortunately, if you've made yourself an available player to the dating game - crap like this happens. ALL the time.

although, asking if they're single right away rather than pussy footing around and letting yourself get hurt is probably a good thing to do from here on out.

seriously. if some hottie chats you up ... about a minute or two or so it's perfectly acceptable to smile coyly and ask if they're single. who gives a shit. if they are you'll know where you stand and if they're not ... laugh your ass off as you walk (no, run!!!) away from them.

otherwise, these cheaters can and will sniff your ass out a mile away as someone who doesn't care whether or not they're single. and trust me ... all they're looking for is a piece of ass. nothing else.

whether you or I gets used as a piece of ass - is our own fault. believe it or not. cheesecake or no cheesecake.

[Chad]

When can you come back to LA? I need you for a test.