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    coming out party finally hits australia. although they didn't think i am that funny. this, from the country whose biggest comedic achievement is crocodile dundee. screw them!
    "hooking up in the real world," hosted by coral and myself. it ended up pretty good.
    "coming out" stories told by comedians and writers. not a comedy show, per se, but is often funny.

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    Good for you! As long as you're clear it's going nowhere, you should be cool. And don't even worry about not caring about him lying - that's all his drama and he needs to act in it.
    Carry On, Stella! When it's over it's over...but until then, gape away _________!


    I was so into your story until the end which threw me off, "This has been going on for months". I was like OMG!! All I gotta say is "Girrrrll...mmmhmmm you betta no whatchu doin" the meantyme enjoy the good sex! : )


    I had an affair with a married man and oh my god. I never felt guilty about it either, even though my ex-husband had cheated on me so I know the utter devastation that causes. I'm still very very good friends with the man, we keep in touch. We dated years earlier and remained the best of friends. And then we became involved. Hot damn. Anyway. I don't know if she knows. I, of all people, should feel guilty. But I don't.


    i was the same way with an ex and his new girlfriend. i didn't feel bad, although i knew i should've -- i used the excuse that i don't know the girl (so i'm not betraying a friend) and we had history, found him first so i have dibs? i have friends who have had their boyfriends cheat on them, so i should know better, but when the sex is good....what, are you supposed to say no? (don't answer that).


    Bad gay, Dan. Very bad. You should only have amazing sex with your ebony stud 10 ... no... make that 20 more times and then you simply must stop. It's so, so very wrong... fine make it 25 times.


    Knowing the difference between right and wrong, yet continuing to do what you know to be wrong, is vile and sad. Is it okay with you because his girlfriend's a stranger to you? Would you do this if she was a friend or family member?


    there's a reason you think you should feel wrong about this. its wrong. it crossed that line when you figured out that there is a third party who would be hurt by finding out whats going on. not to mention that if he's cheating and lying to the girlfriend, he's probably doing it to you too.


    it makes me sad to think of his girlfriend and of the girlfriends/boyfriends of the people who comment about having cheated. not only is it sexually not safe, it's emotionally cruel.

    I understand the desire to tune out the world while you're with someone, but I hope for this girl's sake, he is discovered soon and she promptly gets herself tested (as should you, Dan).

    Erica aka GroovyYaYa

    Dan, I'm not reading any of the other comments before posting. I'm sure if I read them I'll soon be in the girlfriend's mindset, and I don't want to be there yet.

    I'm exilerated and devestated for you all at the same time. You are obviously living in the moment, concentrating on the tiny details like the beauty of his skin - and in that sense, I'm happy for you because ultimately that is all we have. I'm devestated for you in that I don't think he is in the same, almost pure place, and ultimately you and his girlfriend are bound to be a bit hurt because he cannot tell the truth even to himself. I hate to see you (and her, as I too am a hetero female) will be disregarded and discarded because he cannot face himself and face the truth.

    Take care of yourself and make sure, if this doesn't pan out in a positive way, that you have a safe place to fall.


    you should pad around your apartment in a negligee and sip cilantro juleps. mainly cause you're outta mint but too drunk to go out and you're wearing a slip mind you.
    Come out here and have fun with me! i'm so friggin bored with summer and fear my highlights may go brassy.


    I think we gay guys have a tendency to rationalize that a guy involved with a woman is "stuck" in the process of self-acceptance, and therefore feel compassion for the situation . . .rather than the sobering indignation we might feel if he had a boyfriend. Been in your shoes, and he wasn't even quite so gorgeous! I guess the revelation for me, came from speculating on, "Why am I doing this . . .really?"


    I think we gay guys have a tendency to rationalize that a guy involved with a woman is "stuck" in the process of self-acceptance, and therefore feel compassion for the situation . . .rather than the sobering indignation we might feel if he had a boyfriend. Been in your shoes, and he wasn't even quite so gorgeous! I guess the revelation for me, came from speculating on, "Why am I doing this . . .really?"

    Glenn C

    Dan, at first it was interesting reading about your affairs with guys on the "down low" (guys with wives or girlfriends) but then it was sad to see you get hurt every time. Nobody likes seeing anyone get run over by a bulldozer with their guts lying all over the place. But after reading story after story about how you have sex with guys on the DL, it's just plain boring!!! I learned early on that these guys bring nothing but trouble and it was not healthy to serial date them. And it's getting to be annoying telling you this for the gazillionith time. See a therapist. We can't help you with this problem anymore.


    For a Taye Diggs lookalike i'd also turn a blind eye. If youre in the thingg with both eyes wide open-take it as it comes. And treat it as it is.


    Sometimes these are the best relationships. You get to have mind-blowing sex while not having to deal with the bullshit of a 'relationship'. What's going on between him and his girlfriend has nothing to do with you. It's his problem. If he didn't want to cheat on her, he wouldn't. As long as you don't lie to yourself and are seeing him as clearly as you are now, have fun.

    Mr. Manager

    Enjoy the moment, Dan. Screw scruples. You live only once. Then crash and burn later.


    I don't really see why you should feel bad at all. He should feel bad for lying to his girlfriend, but you don't have any responsibility to protect someone you don't know.


    You are both adults and will have to deal with whatever happens - good, bad or ugly. Even if I thought what you were doing was wrong (which I'm not sure I do) I so enjoy the way you write about it that I'll keep on reading... Your witty and wise and have one of the kindest hearts. Continue with your adventures as long as you promise to keep writing about them!! :-)


    I'm not sure what concerns you... is it the fact that you're 'the other woman' or the fact that you feel no guilt about it?

    You seem pretty aware of what's going on and whether you should or shouldn't feel bad depends on your own 'morals' regarding relationships.

    Is it okay just because she's a girl (and he obviously wants to be doing guys as well)? Or is it the thrill of the whole adventure?

    No answers, sorry bub, but all the best.


    I am glad you don't feel guilty. Guilt, I think, is one of the worst emotions as it gets you nowhere. I do think it's interesting though as someone brings up in the previous comments. What if he'd said, "I have a boyfriend so I can't stay long... " But you know, he didn't say that because he has a girlfriend and I think that part of you not feeling bad (and I don't think that you should, really) comes from the fact that it may be that he's lying to himself, first and then to her about his sexuality. None of that is your responsibility.

    My 2

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