DEAR DAN

I present a collection of emails in my inbox. My challenge: to answer them in three sentences. Short and sweet, that's me. Actually I'm neither but I can pretend for today.

DANG IT! Already going on tangents. Okay here we go:

Dear Dan,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend on March 15th. Since then he's continually tried to convince me to go back into the relationship. I dated him for seven months and i was so into him I didn't see the red flags. He wanted me over his apartment every night so i stayed with him; after three weeks he wanted me to move in. I almost did but changed my mind. Since our breakup I have met him maybe 3 times to reiterate I don't want a relationship with him but only friendship.

In the last month a number of events have happened. First my car window is smashed and the inside is damaged. Nothing stolen. The next week he called and threatened suicide and told me to come over or he would kill himself and I was the only one that could save him. (I called 911.)

The next week I had my locker broken into at the gym. All my information was stolen. My wallet had my social security card, license and credit cards. My clothes that i wore to the gym were taken. My ex is a member at the gym and he new my combination but i can't blame him because i didn't see him. I got home and there was an email from him saying he was at the park and it was as beautiful as i am and he loves me and misses me.

The next week my car is fixed and I discover that the windshield is smashed and the ignition is jammed by a screw driver. More interior damage, but nothing missing.

I have been recieving messages from him, email, text and voicemails. Disturbing messages so I stop talking to him all together.

I was leaving a therapist appointment this week and he was outside waiting for me when i left the building. My therapist said he might be outside and i should keep walking and ignore him. I did and it pissed him off. He had never touch me until this day. He shoved me against the wall at and the doorman called security and then the police. He gives me a gift bag and takes off.

Although all of this has been happening (I filed a harassment report, i got an assault report and a grand larceny report for the locker break in and a vandalism report for my car) the cops say they can't do anything because they don't have enough proof that all of it is him. I can't get an order of protection until he is arrested. They asked me when i filed the assault report if i want him arrested and i said yes. But i guess they haven't got him yet.

G

Dear G,
1) You still took the gift bag. 2) That's what he wanted. 3) You need to get angry.

Sincerely, Dan

Dear Dan, I know you are a big fan of the "Deadliest Catch" as am I. Did you see that rescue by the Time Bandit (on the Apr. 24th episode)? Man! I was shaking right along with Jonathan. I'm all girlie but I get a huge kick out of watching these stinky, gruffy, hard working men on that show.

J

Dear J,
1) Step back, bitch. 2) Edgar Hansen is mine. 3) RELEASE THE POTS!

Sincerely, Dan

Dear Dan,
The guy (bf) you were carrying on your shoulders at the Gay Pride festivies. I would like to know if he is cut or uncut. I have been curious about him since he had the earlier TV show. I know his relatives are from Peru. I really would like to know.

B

Dear B,
1) What 2) the 3) f%#&?

Sincerely, Dan

Comments

[Doug]

Letter # 1 Exactly what Dan said, plus

Read the Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker.

This will get worse before it gets better.

Hang in there.

[Jimmi]

WOW, that first story is very freighting and its time for that boy to take action, because if a bitch messed with my car, the bitch would get hurt! OhhhhKayyy (rolling head in circular motion)

[Yummsh]

Dear Dan,

The next time I get on your shoulders at the Gay Pride parade, please be so kind as to inquire what the surgical condition of my dick is before you allow me to do so. You are required to do so under By-Law #47,239 in the Gay Rules Of Conduct Handbook. Thanks.

Love,

Guy From Your Shoulders At The Gay Pride Parade.

p.s. Your cologne gave me a rash. Please change it.

[Glenn C.]

Are they starting gay pride early this year? Pride Month isn't until June? Unless they have changed it. That would be interesting. How about Pride month in October? Queens can be scarey!

[smaile]

why is she writing to you with this problem, when she is seeing a therapist.

1) put that restraining order on him.
2) never talk to him or respond to him again, he will probably end up killing you soon if you don't get away from him.
3) move away, no matter what you are leaving behind, better to get out with your life than to lose your job.