CONVERSATION WITH MY MOM, JUDI
"Hello?"
Hi Mom.
"Hi honey, how are ya?"
I'm alright.
"Oh, what's wrong?"
Nothing.
"Okay."
Want to hear a funny story about me?
"Sure."
I got a call from a reporter today.
"Really? About what?"
Do you remember Johnny Diaz? He's the guy I had a relationship with when I was on The Real World.
"Uh...yes I remember him."
He wrote a book, and one of the characters is a tall, lanky, bigger-than-life gay guy who is an aspiring model, and he was on a reality show, and he walks around as if there's always a camera crew following him.
"Oh."
Interesting coincidence, huh?
"And is this character's name 'Don' or 'Stan' or something?"
No, it's 'Kyle.'
"Well at least he was nice enough to change that."
He says it's not me.
"Right."
But the reality show he was on is even called 'The Real Life.'
"Do you think he's going to say anything mean?"
No. He knows I know where he lives and I would buy a plane ticket and show up on his doorstep if he did.
"Yes you would."
And he's very nice anyway, he wouldn't do anything vindictive like that. Although he makes something bad happen to Kyle.
"What happens?"
(I tell her the unfortunate plot twist in the book.)
"Oh that's sad."
But that hasn't happened to me.
"So then did you ask him if they make this book into a movie, if you can play the part of Kyle?"
No. I want someone young and cute to play me. But thank you for always thinking of my career.
"And does Kyle have a fabulous mother?"
I don't know.
"That would be the best part of the book."
Of course.
"Who is going to play me in the movie?"
I don't know.
"Maybe Ann-Margaret. No she's too old."
Yeah.
"And who could play your father? Someone really grumpy. I take that back, your father can't be in it, he's no fun."
Okay.
"So then who do you want to play you?"
I don't know, it would probably just be for Logo or something, so it would have to be someone cheap.
"Does anyone read his books?"
I don't know, I think this is his first one.
"Well, tell him to write a book about Kyle and his mother, Julie."
Your mom is SO adorable.
Posted by: Lynnster | April 06, 2007 at 12:31 AM
Perhaps he could mention your online pal
Bluebird.
Posted by: blackbird | April 06, 2007 at 04:28 AM
*G's* okay, so how -CUTE- are you two!?!
fair ;)
Posted by: fair | April 06, 2007 at 05:48 AM
Your mom rocks.
Posted by: misscrankypants | April 06, 2007 at 08:44 AM
ha ha ha, i adore your conversations with your mom!
Posted by: erik | April 06, 2007 at 10:12 AM
Absolutely adorable.
:-)
Posted by: jason | April 06, 2007 at 01:18 PM
I'm stealing your mom, I'm just putting you on notice about that. Nothing personal.
Posted by: David | April 06, 2007 at 01:30 PM
tell your mother i plan on playing her in the book and will wear a moderate to above average kevlar fat suit.
Posted by: willam | April 06, 2007 at 08:33 PM
priceless...
Posted by: Randy | April 07, 2007 at 05:35 PM
Willam--no I won't tell her that. She'll think you're calling her fat. Not everyone realizes that you do, in fact, already own a kevlar fat suit and that you wear it in public as often as possible. Although why wouldn't you?
Posted by: dan renzi | April 07, 2007 at 08:12 PM
ok. fine. tell her i'll still agree to play her as long as i can wear a rhinestoned PFLAG shirt with stirrup leggings. Then you can give me a makeover in the middle of the movie and turn me into a hot cougar mom. it almost sounds too easy. who am i kidding. this project is too golden. It'll end up shooting in canada or be some shit AFTRA thing. I just know they're going to get Lindsey Wagner or Brenda Dickson.
Posted by: willam | April 08, 2007 at 12:16 AM
No, Judith Light.
Posted by: jesse | April 08, 2007 at 01:02 PM
I vote for Meredith Baxter Bernie from Family Ties. She did a good job as the mother in The Most Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green.
Posted by: Glenn C. | April 09, 2007 at 12:41 AM
Get that boy from KYLEXY to play you, you kinda look alike. Tell your mom Victoria Principal for a classy mom, or Jean Smart for a quirky mom!
Posted by: Kel | April 13, 2007 at 03:29 PM