Can you cry?

When something happens, something that makes you sad, or upset, or frustrated, can you let it out?

I laugh out loud. Often. I yell when I'm angry. Once in a while. I say what's on my mind. I don't hold anything back.

I can't cry. I get upset, I want to let it out, and it's just stuck.

I can cry on camera, no problem. Tears flow, sob sob sob, and I'm over it. But when I'm alone, I fester. I sit, I worry, I obsess. And I give myself a stomach ache. I try to cry, but it won't work.

I cried when my grandmother died. I cried when my dog died, although that took a week to kick in. I cried when I moved out of my boyfriend's house, although he only got one tear. One big fat tear, and that was it. And that was partially a tear of joy, to be honest, so it doesn't count for much. All that was a few years ago. And since then...nada.

Several years ago I dated a guy for a few months. He was nice, but there was no spark. I broke it off, amicably. And we were great friends--to the point I introduced him to another friend of mine. I thought they would get along.

They fell in love immediately.

I wasn't ready for that.

THe jealousy literally felt like my guts were being ripped out. And every morning I would wake up, get into the shower, stand in the steam and just cry, long quiet cries with the water hitting me on the back of my head. After a few weeks I didn't feel anything, I just stood there and it happened. Then I'd get out of the shower, get dressed, and take the train to work. It went on like this for about six weeks. That was, I think, five years ago? Six? A while.

Now I can't cry at all. I wish I could. I have a headache from everything being bottled up. And rather than sitting here staring out a window, I want to just get over it. And I'd be able to, if I could get it out of my head. It would feel so good, just to be able to relax.

Comments

[Mr. Manager]

When I can't cry, I sing. And the tears inevitably flow.

[kristin]

Put on a sad movie. That's what does it for me.

[John]

i can't make myself cry on command. it just sort of happens. and when i think i'm strong enough not to cry, i cry.... kinda silly isn't it?

[Tofer]

I hadn't cried in several years until this past week. I was watching Bravo and the last episode of Six Feet Under came on. I lost it.

[Carrie Jo]

Sometimes it's the craziest things that will unleash the waterworks... I hope you find it.

[Meliss]

Two words: Grey's Anatomy. Specifically the episode with the bomb in the body. Very cathartic. Also try the song "Grace" by Kate Havnevik.
Rolling up the windows in the car and screaming might do it, too.
Head up, young person. It will get better.

[Randy]

I cry all the time. The worst was when my ex boyfriend moved out of the house and moved to Miami to be straight and be best friends with God again. I just sat in the house as he pulled away and and cried myself into a blubbering mess. I had lost my best friend, it sucked. But I cry at the theatre a lot. I am pretty good at letting that out, but I get a little embarrassed by it. I don't usually let people see my cry, it's all done behind a closed door...

[smaile]

I cried so in front of my neighbors today, twice. my daughter banged his car in the parking lot and we didn't have car insurance (so dumb). he brought me the estimate for damage and it was $927.00. i just started crying. then i called her dad and asked him to help and cried the whole time and of course he said no, so i called my mom and cried to her, again, cause she always bails me out. (i always pay her back, thank the God for her) then i went to the neighbors house and told his brother i got the money to pay it, and also that i hope they will not be hating on us all the time because of this. cause right now they are and rightly so. then my neighbor came home and i was able to tell him i got the money to pay for the damages so he can get it fixed right away. he seemed very relieved and said thank you. i hope that it gets fixed and we will be done with this business. i am registering and insuring my car within days of today. lesson hard learned for both my daughter and myself.

[smaile]

I also cried at the end of the Queen Latifah movie "Life Support". Different kind of crying than the car accident crying though. one was a very stressful cry (the car accident/estimate of damages/money due) and the other was a relaxing feel good cry.

[Stephen]

I just moved out of my boyfriend's apartment over the weekend. The first moment that I was left alone, I just erupted into tears. No one would offer me a hug, everyone kept saying "You did this to yourself." I KNOW I DID, NOW STOP RUBBING IT IN MY FACE. I went back to the apartment earlier today to collect my mail and I ran into him, he was showing the property. I wasn't ready for that. The trainride home was very uncomfortable, to say the least.

[Julia]

I'm a big crier - stupid commercials, sappy movies, saying goodbye...its quite ridiculous actually. :) But its weird, when BIG stuff happens I just freeze and I cant seem to let it out. When both my grandpas died it was so hard to cry-- and that's all I wanted to do because I know how good shedding a set of tears can be. But I just couldn't and it hurt so much worse.
My husband is a little like you - no matter how sad or frustrated he can be he just cant cry in the sense of actual tears coming down his cheeks. He says he has only cried once in his life, that he cries "inside". But I know sometimes he wishes he could just bawl and let it go.
As horrible as this may sound I hope you find your tears soon. Not because I wish sadness upon you, but because I KNOW how liberating it feels when you can finally feel the tears running down your cheeks - its like the pain is finally washing away from you soul. BIG HUG.

[Leo]

Hum... you might wanna consider just... let it go. maybe it's not the absence of tears rolling down that gets you so tense. it's the idea you have to cry that keeps you from relaxing.

[Runt]

I cry when I get really mad. I don't cry when I'm sad or hurt but I can't seem to stop the "flow" when I'm mad. It's embarassing really but it's as though it's too strong of an emotion for me to handle and so I bawl my eyes out while I yell. Though I do often feel better after.

Just b/c you can't cry doesn't mean that their aren't alternatives to letting out what you feel. There are other ways of dealing with sadness and pain. You can work out/run, go at it with a punching bag, get howling-at-the-moon-knee-crawling drunk (you'll definitly cry from the hang-over), or put on some heavy music and scream your lungs out.

Or maybe what you are feeling doesn't call for tears like you think it should. But I wouldn't worry. If it's too much now and you should definitly cry, it just means you are in a bit of a shock but your heart and your brain will catch up w/ eachother soon and you'll feel better.

[misscrankypants]

Want me to punch you? :)

I am a big crier (depression). I cry a lot. In fact, even happy things make me tear up. It often causes me to be embarrassed or feel guilty which makes me cry more. It sucks because it makes me feel out of control. It sounds like you have the opposite problem. You are TOTALLY in control and therefore can't cry even when it would be appropriate.

Maybe I got all your tears? I'll tell you something, I'd give them back in a heartbeat if I could.

[Justin]

Your post really hit home today. I ran into my ex with his new bf & their dog last night. It was my choice to end things (I did so for all the right reasons) & yet I still feel awful - exactly as you described in your post. i"m not sure how I can let the pain leave my psyche. I have seen his new bf trolling the shower at the gym for hours at a time on more than 1 occasion. I suppose I am happy that I am not in that situation.

[thibault]

i can cry on demand when i feel good. but when i feel sad or bad i can't cry . so people think i dont have feelings .

[David]

I cry at the drop of a hat.

[Breny]

Movies always do it for me. ET (with the whole abandonment and death undercurrent) always did it for me. The Color Purple works well too.

[Mac Dog]

THIS made me cry. And I usually have trouble getting the waterworks started.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVcH4oqrgsk

[Haim]

I hear ya...they get dried up, like a freakin desert...

no water...just angst.

[kryss]

personally I find that the best way to unbottle is to find a super sad movie or tv show and let it be your excuse. When my brother died, Rent did it for me (to the point of embarrassing blubbering in the movie theatre). I also find that the 2 part Golden Girls finale has me sobbing.

Much easier/better than trying to allow myself to let it out!

[Glenn C.]

Any Bonnie Tyler ballad makes me cry especially "Let The Show Begin", "Hey Love", and "You Are So Beautiful". I also cry when I see Dan on the Inferno 2 and CT was being an ass, getting in his face, and then when Dan cries after losing. You didn't really want to go home. Dan why do you make me cry? :(

[Tonya]

I have the same problem at times, though not as serious as yours. I have found that when my body wants me to release the sad emotion that I do it in my sleep. In my dreams. I will wake up sobbing not knowing why and then I get tissue, blow my nose and go back to sleep. When I wake up I feel great. It's weird.

If I have to force it out I watch a sad movie like others here. The movie "My Life" with Nicole Kidman and Michael Keaton always makes me sob uncontrollably. Oh and the movie "My Dog Skip" at the end. SOB. SOB. SOB.

[Jane Jane]

Ugh... this made me cry because it happened to me. Well... the part where my ex fell in love with someone else and people told me about it.

Not only did he fall in love with someone else, but it was 2 days after we broke up. TWO FREAKING DAYS!!

That just made me cry again.

I'm sorry you can't cry. I cry after a few drinks. I'm pathetic.

*hugs*

[Shelly]

I go thru crying cycles in my life. One day I can be a mess and the tears are flowing all day. Other days the whole world can be crashing down but not a single tear will drop.
If I ever need to cry and just can't muster it up myself, there are certain songs I can listen to that I know will work. But the fail safe way is to watch certain movies or tv shows. Try watching the series finale of Six Feet Under... when Claire is driving and they are showing us all the wonderful/sad/tragic things that happen to that family over the years to come... oh waterworks will flow!!
Oh... or try the season one finale of Queer as Folk. To see how much Brian really loves Justin and his own vulnerability is enough to bring a tear to the driest of eyes!