MONDAY

Hello, and welcome to your Monday. I hope you are not as hung over as I am, as I have done nothing but drink mojitos nonstop while entertaining friends from out-of-town. They are delicious, those mojitos, with their mintiness and their limeyness and the sugar dumped right in just for fun.

Things you need to know before you continue on with doing whatever it is that you were doing before you turned on your computer today:

A) If someone has a copy of the Oscars, I'd appreciate it if you could send it to me. Missed it all except Ellen's intro monologue (very good) in that too-small-for-her burgundy velvet suit (very bad).

B) I did see some red carpet; apparently you need three things for this season:

1) Ratty hair? Check.

2) Liquid eye-liner? Check.

(I think Nicole looks delicious, btw. Flawless. But why did EVERYONE have the liquid eye-liner? Nicole should have been the only one.)

3) Ugly Dress? Check.

Cameron's dress looks like a reject dress from Project Runway. Seriosuly, I think I remember one of the contestants making a train with this odd hexagonal-flap mechanism.

My grandmother had plastic fruit hanging in her kitchen that looked just like this. It looked stupid in her kitchen too.

Gwyneth Paltrow is obsessed with wearing these gowns that have fabric stretched across her chest as tight as it can go. HORIZONTALLY. How hideous. This dress is Zac Posen; he always makes his dresses juuuuust slightly over-designed. I'm not a fan.

Speaking of horizontal stripes:

Queen Latifah is being mummified with black ribbon to be preserved for future Oscar celebrations.

She looks like she was dipped in asphalt. AFTER they shoved her into a tube to get her to fit into a dress 3 sizes to small. You can literally see her not breathing.

C) Okay, down to business: the Golden Raspberry Awards were announced, highlighting the worst films of 2006. Personally I was hoping Lady In The Water would win Worst Picture Of The Year, but that award went to Basic Instinct II (LITW did win awards for Worst Actor and Worst Director, however, which it most assuredly deserved). Click the left links on the page here to see all the nominations.

4) I'm going to be in the Springfield, IL area on March 22 for a lecture, at MacMurray College. Come one, come all (or anyone at another school around there? I should come there too while I'm already in town!)

Comments

[Yummsh]

Beyonce looks like she's ready to go kick a few field goals. I wonder if she responds if you refer to her as 'Francis'.

Reese looked just plain gross. Could she look more desperate for cock if she tried?

[misscrankypants]

Too many mojitos and you lost the Oscars? It was pretty good, however, they could have skipped the sound effects choir and the Morricone tribute/honorary Oscar.

Lots of bad fashion...LOTS. Sorry I don't have a copy for you, I'd love to hear your commentary.

[David]

Hmmm, every dress you hated was rated in the top five best dresses for the evening by the commentators. Cameron and Reese were both highlighted for looking particularly fabulous. Hmmm.

[Aidan]

When in Springfield, try to eat at Saputo's. Pretty good Italian fare, but the reason to go is for the house dressing. This stuff is like crack -- one try and you are hooked for life! (I don't know where in Springfield youa re staying, but probably the Hilton or the Abraham Lincoln, both within a block of Saputo's.)

Have fun.

[Amanda]

I don't see what's wrong with Cameron's dress. I think it's pretty, and it contrasts well with her hair & her tan.

[jaime]

i think cameron's dress is hideous. but what's wrong with reese's hair?

[Abby]

My dad lives in Springfield! Too bad you'd probably hate him... and also we're not on very good terms anymore.

Saputo's is only exceptional if you're used to Midwest Italian. I did not care for it, although I didn't have the house dressing.

~Abby

[sexyr]

What about Jennifer Hudson dressed as a tomato for her big song? That was a highlight...

[Lindzi VanBrocklin]

What time is the lecture? I'm there.

[Stephanie]

Hmmm...what to do on March 22nd in Springfield?? HELLO!! Drive up to Chicago so we can dance our asses off!

[Glenn C.]

March 24th is my birthday. Cincinnati isn't that far from Springfield if you don't consider four hours far.

I had the Oscars on DVD but recorded over them with Prison Break and Heroes. I wished I had known that you wanted a copy or else I would have saved that DVD for you. It was pretty boring actually except for Martin Scorses winning for director and a few Ellen jokes. Beyonce can't sing and her duet was Jennifer Hudson was too long and just bad.

[Aidan]

Just for the record, I never said Saputo's was exceptional. But niether are most of the Italian restaurants in America.

But the salad dressing...man...well...you could spank my ass and call me Liza if you promised me a bottle of Saputo's dressing. (Which they sell in old liquor bottles...truly amazing.)

Washington Park in Springfield is truly beautiful...take some bread and feed the ducks at the duck pond. The Dana-Thomas House, designed by Frank Lloyd Wright, is stunning and, if I am not mistaken, the most complete Wright-designed house in existance.

The Abraham Lincoln Presidential Museum is supposed to be a memorable experience, but I never have managed to get to it. (Though it is built on land which once held my grandfather's store.) When I'm in Springfield, I hate to spend a minute away from my family -- they are a real hoot.

My family arrived in Springfield before Lincoln, and, for the most part, have stayed there. WHile I don't regret leaving town, I miss it sometimes.

Say hi for me -- pretty much 1 out of 5 people there are related to me in one way or another.

[Zeph]

Ugh. Those women. Show us some cute men, you sicko. Who needs the skanky chicks?

[Corey]

I loved Kate Winslet but I always do. Literally the entire Oscars is on you Tube. If not I could always file it to ya. Not that you'd trust a random blogger but if you do...

In pictures Cate's dress was horrible but on screen it was awesome the way it shimmered. Some dresses just do not photograph well. I hated Beyonce and her darm armpit pose. The worst dress was probably Kirsten Dunst's. That was bad news.

[Christine]

This is late, but I just noticed that our very own Reese looks like she's gotten a case of the "deadeye." I hope she's holding up okay. She's so cute and spunky. Let's see you smile for real again, lady!