Mr. M, the Married Man

In Latin cultures, gay menare often referred to with the term maricon, specifically directed at flamboyantly "obvious" types who are deemed effeminite. It's not necessarily the nicest term, but it's out there. But not all gay men are created equal in the Latin world: there are also men known as a bugaron, the more conservative, masculine men who marry women but cruise for guys on the side. The terms carry sexual connotations, with el bugaron presumed to be, shall we say, the "pitcher" and el maricon being the "catcher." Many times los bugarones don't even consider themselves as gay, since they see their male lovers as being so close to being a woman. And, most importantly, they aren't being penetrated like a woman. That is such an unfortunately clinical term, "penetrated." So many sex phrases sound so ugly in English.

Here in Miami, you walk down the street and see men with their families, and one will discreetly raise his hand and slowly rub his belly and his chest--the sign for attracting the attention of another man passing by, like I'm touching myself and it feels so good. You'd think nothing of it, unless you know what it means. And there's always his quick glance over, to see if you're watching.

I always wonder if the wives don't know. Or if they choose to not know. Those bugarones, they're trouble.

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When I met Mr. M--"M" for "married" (maybe), I'm still not sure--he was at a restaurant here in South Beach, right by my apartment. He explained he lived in the suburbs, but was in the city for business. Hospitality industry, something of the sort. Drinks, chat chat chat, we exchanged numbers. When I gave him mine, he promised to call. And then he left. But then 20 minutes later, he did call. "I can't stop thinking about you," he said. "I need to come back."

Soon after, we were in bed. Door locked, curtains closed.

But there was a sense he was...I don't know what...ravenous, maybe?...it was like he hadn't had sex in months, and he didn't know where to put his hands first. I thought he was nervous, but no one that nervous would have had the guts to call and invite himself over. That wasn't it.

I grabbed him gently by the face, just for a moment. "Slow down. Are you okay?"

He smiled and nodded, and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes, and kissed me again, this time much more gentle, slow, nice. Much like how a man should kiss...a woman.

Men who kiss other men are very different kissers from men who kiss women. When gay men kiss, having grown up kissing other men (save those experimentations in school), it's more deliberate, stronger. But women's lips are more gentle, and softer, so then it's generally based on a lighter tough. Not to say there aren't those men who chew off their girlfriends' faces, or women who do the same; but coming from a middle-aged man in the suburbs, with a wife and kids and the white picket fence, it's usually a more refined act. Perhaps I've just kissed too many men...but who a man dates more, men or women--from the way they kiss, I can tell.

And Mr. M definitely, definitely spends his time kissing women. I knew it, right away.

...to be continued...

Comments

[David]

odd... "bugaron" was always used in Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic for the male hustlers from what I recall of my frequent sexploitation visits in the late 90's. Not that I indulged in any of that!

[CJ]

I am going to try rubbing my belly. See what I get.

This Latino sounds more like a trick than a long-term treat. Why lose sleep?

[Carrie Jo]

I will be eagerly awaiting the rest of the story. Very interesting!

[Chad A]

Maybe he's only recently 'come out'?

Never know until you probe...

hehe - probe...

[kristin]

Ooooh, you're totally Harriet The Spy. ;)

[Liz]

Oh Dan, this is so interesting. Please keep "schooling" me on this stuff, I want to know. BTW- Either the wife totally doesn't know or she just suspects but can't face it. It depends on the kinds of chances he takes and how often, ya know?

I completely see why you are suspicious of him. You are a man with lots of life experience. Listen to your gut hunny.

[raoul]

Maybe he's just pretending to be straight - sometimes i get off on acting like i am with a woman, and i like making the guy think i am really straight, even though i'm not - it seems to be a turn on for them and I feel sexier than ever. Everybody wins...

[Kimberly]

came across your blog via Rotten Ryan...on the subject of Mr. M - I married a gay man. It happens - all the time. I should have listened to my Mom when she said, "He's nice, but you know you're marrying a gay man, don't you?" I was under 30 - didn't listen to a word she said. When I suspected he was cheating - it STILL didn't occur to me he was cheating on me with men. That's when my Mom said, "You know he's sleeping with men, right?" I'm 38, divorced and sleeping with a guy 13 years younger than me - I listen to EVERYTHING Mom says now.

[Joan]

More please!

[emily]

i really liked this entry. i think maricon literally means "fruity", i could be wrong..keep up the great entries

[Diamond Stud]

Hi Dan.

You know Ning personally as a friend/acquaintance or you know of her?

This is intriguing. Do tell more.

And yes, I always describe her as the Malaysian Madonna to foreign friends and contacts.

[willam]

i love this. it's so soft-core.

you should star in a telenovella.

[anapestic]

It's entirely possible that he's gay and divorced. I am, and I have generally found that men who are or were married are superior kissers. And I have been told, numerous times and with great appreciation, that I make love to a man as if I'm making love to a woman.

[desertwind]

How old is Mr. M?

Well, if he's not telling you he's married, he'd probably also lie about his age.

I suppose it's possible he's not married, but living with parents?

[Abby]

All cultures have their 'butch' words and their 'fem' words - I know in Japanese it's seme and uke.

First time I've commented here, I really like your writing style.

~Abby

[johnny]

I think it's great that you have fun with these good looking guys. No problem with that. However, you do need to start finding some guys who know English. It couldn't be any fun watching your favorite shows with them. Also, you can't share your great humor. Great sex is good for now. For long term, at least find guys who know English.

[Glenn C.]

I am confused is this a different married guy then the one you wrote about a week ago??? Inquiring minds want to know.

[Coy]

Bugaron...now I have a word for them. I usually just used the quotation mark gesture when I said, "straight". lol

[Charlie]

Blame Latin (the language). All of our clinical words have Latin roots. It's also the language of academia and ideas (look for words with three or more syllables).

It's English's Anglo-Saxon roots that gave us all the great words like fuck, shit, piss, come, groan, etc. So, thank you Anglos and Saxons, for keeping it brief.

[corbin]

So what the hell happened? I've dated many married men. Love them. Hate them. Keep them ... for short while at least.