One of my neighbors is this old man who takes walks every night at midnight. His steps are so tiny and he walks so slow, it takes him about 2 hours to make it around the block. And he drags his left leg, his walk making a clomp-shhhhh, clomp-shhhhh sound. clomp-shhhhh, clomp-shhhhh.
Sometimes he wears a military hat, presumably earned from some past war. I like to think he limps because of a war injury, rather than a stroke or other pedestrian scenario. Hopefully there's a good story at least.
Last night, as I walked past him shuffling into the gate at 1:45 AM, he smiled. "I WAS DOWN ON LINCOLN ROAD!" he said. Everything he says, he takes a deep breath and strains his voice with the words. "IT'S SUCH A NICE PLACE. I GOT TO BUY DRINKS FOR SOME PRETTY LADIES."
Hmm.
Lincoln Road was the other way than from where he was walking, I'm afraid. Oh well. "That sounds good," I said, and I held the gate while he walked through. clomp-shhhhh, clomp-shhhhh, clomp-shhhhh.
Every night, he takes his walk. Same loop, right around the block. And for him, it's an evening filled with endless adventures.
It must be fun, partying with all the pretty girls in his head. He seems to enjoy himself, he smiles a lot. Perhaps he'll invite all those ladies over for Thanksgiving.
Not to be a complete snot but -- I think you want the word "pedestrian" rather than "pedantic" in the above...
Otherwise, lovely description.
Posted by: Adrienne | November 17, 2006 at 06:24 AM
Absolutely adorable.
Posted by: Lynnster | November 17, 2006 at 06:37 AM
Adrienne: changed! Thanks.
Posted by: dan | November 17, 2006 at 07:06 AM
I wonder if he prowls at midnight to sneak away from his care-giver? God bless the old goat.
Posted by: desertwind | November 17, 2006 at 12:09 PM
I think its admirable that he's able to enjoy himself so much, even if its all in his head. I know I've had many occasions where I'd have been better off if I'd have been able to do that.
Posted by: Marc | November 17, 2006 at 02:36 PM
Great story. You should canvass your readers for their own crazy neighbor stories. I've got some doozies - neighbors and stories.
Posted by: Terry | November 17, 2006 at 05:56 PM
I liked the idea of him inviting all his lady friends over and getting his dusty groove on.
I once worked at a company out in NY (Long Island) and there was this ancient security guard. I smoke so I'd go out often and chat with the guy. He had some younger girlfriend (she in her 60s) but he had a cheating heart. He regaled me with stories of his player days, and I liked to believe the stories. He apparently still played. I miss Mr. Waverly, god bless the old philanderer!
John
Posted by: johnO | November 17, 2006 at 08:16 PM
Oh, by the way, it finally happened at Atomic Tumor, and it's all been so riveting and amazing. AT should be in the blogging hall of fame.
Posted by: johnO | November 17, 2006 at 09:09 PM
I have this guy in my building who likes to jog at 4am every night. He must weight 380lbs and is so noisy!!! It sounds like he is pounding on the carpet in the hallway as he does his nightly routine. I don't know why others haven't complained. I can't even open up a can of tuna without having security pay me a call.
Posted by: Glenn C. | November 17, 2006 at 10:41 PM
your neighbor sounds adorable. i would gladly trade the nightly swooshing for my far-too-amorous upstairs neighbors. i'm all for sex, but loud (like a dog dying) sex several times a day really starts to grate on my nerves! i think he might be killing her! :) hugs, pinky
Posted by: pinky | November 18, 2006 at 12:16 AM
Adding to the reservoir of life experience, this life member of the DAV, though wounded in 69, didn't start dragging his left foot until he got in the way of a bar fight in 2000 and his leg got smashed. But if it means we'll play I'll tell ya it was the war.
Posted by: Liberal Texas Democrat | November 18, 2006 at 05:31 AM
Dan, I saw you doing a Denver Real World sneak peek on TV the other day. But whatever happened to the preshow that you said you did a few months ago? I thought you would be discussing the new season with cast members from previous seasons. I saw a preshow with Tyler and Paula from Key West. Where is Dan's full length show???
Posted by: Glenn C. | November 19, 2006 at 02:45 AM
Why did I think the pretty ladies down on Lincoln Road were going to be drag queens? Shame on me...
Posted by: Kamasutra Jones | November 19, 2006 at 06:09 AM
I love your neighbor. I think it shows a person's true heart when they choose to lie in a positive way (I bought some drinks for the ladies) instead of a negative way (those people over there are no good I tell you, no good!).
I'd take him some Thanksgiving cookies. He may not be offered gifts very often, and it could be a blessing to him.
Posted by: Hephaestion | November 19, 2006 at 12:17 PM
What?! Well dont wanna have sex for with a delicious neighborhood. Just remember safe sex.
Posted by: adult pleasures | April 29, 2009 at 05:34 AM