Rockin' The Suburbs

Thank God for my little brother! Living out in the suburbs of the Midwest, just being angry and listening to his Eminem and raging against the establishment. And watching cable TV.

He wrote a Project Runway recap below.

Okay, so last week they designed clothes for little dogs, and that girl with the lip ring got kicked, right? She made a boring dress. I thought it was alright. It was green, that was cool. It was better than that Angela chick, she made a puffy purple mini-skirt with little fabric discs all over it, and a leather vest thing. And it looked exactly like the outfit she was wearing. She should have been kicked off but they're keeping her for the drama.

So this week the show starts and Angela is all Last week I almost got kicked off! I wish I knew how to make than one dress! and Jeffrey is like The sound of Angela's voice makes me want to puke, I wish she was gone and that girl Bonnie is like Now that there's one less person on the show, maybe I can start getting some air time! Remember I'm on the show too!

So they all go to meet Heidi and she's like You are all pathetic! You are filthy animals, filthy like dogs! Gehen sie fickt sich! and she's like We want to cause problems for you! So we are going to make everyone pick new models! and since Uli won last week she picks first. And she picks Keith's model, who is that cool black chick with the huge hair. She's hot. And Uli is like Keith ain't winnin' no more challenges, bitch! I got his secret weapon! Ha HA! Boo-ya! and she steals his model. But then everyone else picks and most of them pick new models too, so there's no drama or anything like when Zulema stole Nick's model last season and he wet his pants. Although Keith looked pissed. But I think that's just his face.

So they go meet Tim, and he tells them their next Challenge is to make women's clothes for Macy's. There's some big explanation to make it sound cool but that's just because Macy's fucked over Banana Republic and paid more money, so it's a Macy's TV show now. But for this Challenge, they have to work in groups of three. And everyone is looking at Angela like I don't want to be with her. And they make drawings of what clothes they would make, so the Macy's guy can pick group leaders, and everyone's drawings are cool except for Angela, she's going I don't sketch my designs! I just throw fabric at the mannequin and see what sticks! Whatever.

So the Macy's guy says the group leaders are Robert and Keith, and their clothes will be cool, and then Bonnie, and then they announce the fourth leader--and it's fuckin' ANGELA. She can't even, like, draw a picture, but she bullshits about how she wants to make clothes that look like sunset over the Empire State Building. And everyone is like Whaaat? and Uli is like On no she di'int and Jeffrey is like Whatever, just so she doesn't pick me for her group, I hate that girl but there's no way Angela is picking Jeffrey, she needs people who can sew and save her ass.

So they pick groups, and everyone is like No no, please, not Angela, anyone but Angela and she's like I want Michael! and he's like Oh, DAAAAY-UM and he's ready to pack his bags because he knows this Challenge is going to suck. And Angela also picks Mrs. Bennett, because Michael and Mrs. Bennett have become this weird team that works really well together. I don't know why, maybe Mrs. Bennett respects him, since he's the only guy there that she couldn't beat up. Whatever. Then everyone else gets split up, and they go to the fabric store and buy stuff and then they sew for a while.

But then later, they're all at the apartments, and Kayne takes off his tiara in a huff, he's really pissed, he's like Y'all, I was snooping through everyone's stuff, and guess what I found? Keith is hiding SEWING BOOKS! and Robert is like What a bitch! and Michael is like That's some bullshit right dere and Vincent is like Did you find my sense of reality lying around somewhere? I seem to have lost it and Kayne starts talking about how if you have sewing books, that's against Project Runway rules because you can cheat and it's not fair blah blah blah. I guess if you have those books, they can teach you how to do something you don't already know, and it gives you an advantage in the competition. So they don't allow the books. And Kayne rats him out to the producers, and out of nowhere, Tim comes in--and kicks Keith off the show! I was like, wtf? And Tim is like We here at Project Runway are very serious and the rules are very serious, I'm serious! And Robert is like Whoa and Vincent is like What an idiot! and Mrs. Bennett is like Who cares, Keith is an asshole, I'm glad he's gone. Seriously, she really called him an asshole. It was awesome. And Keith is like This sucks, my friends are gonna laugh at me hard but probably not anymore than they would have anyway for acting like a freak on a reality show.

And that means Keith's group, Jeffrey and Alison, are totally fucked. Sucks to be them.

So the next day...

Continue reading "Rockin' The Suburbs"

Comments

[Flo]

Hooray, I missed these!

[theprgayboys]

"I don't sketch my designs! I just throw fabric at the mannequin and see what sticks!"

ROFL. That is HYSTERICAL, Dan!

[Mimi]

"Although Keith looked pissed. But I think that's just his face." HAHAHAHAH.

I love these. Hilarious, clearly the BEST recaps ever. Keep 'em coming!

[Rio]

thank god your lovely brother is back in it

[Ms. Pants]

>>Vincent is like Did you find my sense of reality lying around somewhere? I seem to have lost it.<<

I bow down before thee.

[Jane Jane]

Strangely, I can actually see Bonnie cracking the whip. She looks like she would be a designer by day, dominatrix by night.

Anyway... glad to have your "bro" back. I love his recaps.

[Ben]

I didn't believe you could get funnier than fourfour's ANTM recaps....Now, I believe.

[Blair]

Funny. I heart yo brother.

[Weston]

Doesn't Bonnie remind you of Natalie from The Facts of Life? Bonnie is so Natalie.

[The Aitch]

Wasn't it actually Robert who narc'ed because he said, "I just told the producers to let them hash it out with him."

[The Aitch]

Oh derr, how impolite, this as an awesome recap.
Carry on!

[mags]

"and Vincent is like Did you find my sense of reality lying around somewhere? I seem to have lost it"

Fucking BRILLIANT.

[Glenn C]

I don't realyl care about this post I just wanted to find out if the link to my own blog worked. :P

But it was funny how Laura called Keith an ass. I saved that part on my DVD recorder three times and it gets funnier every time.

[Glenn C]

You bitches better post on my blog now that I took the time to create a blog after Dan forced my ass to create a blog. I hope your happy Dan. It's not like I am already busy with two jobs and a business to run. If I fall asleep at the wheel due to sleep deprevation, it's all your fault. Well, that's what I'm telling the police. ;P

[Christina Warren]

"And that means Keith's group, Jeffrey and Alison, are totally fucked. Sucks to be them."

So funny. Your brother rules.

[Justin]

Rockin' the suburbs - reminds me of a Ben Folds song!

[erika]

Best recap. Ever.

[Jane]

I read lot of recaps, but that was hands down the fucking funniest one I've read ever. Wow. Awesome.

[Maria]

I don't know what happened, I am a chinese girl, but I am reading your blog now...

I like your pics! really nice!

[Steven.]

Reading this is almost as good as watching the show (damn lack of Bravo in Canada).