Dear Matt Damon
Dear Matt Damon,
Hi. I need to discuss something with you.
I'm sure it was a mistake, but today when I saw you on the street, you totally ignored me.
You just came from the gym, I guess, as you were a little sweaty and you were drinking a smoothie. I tried my best to get your attention, doing all my little tricks, but you acted like I wasn't there.
I'm not sure why you would spurn me like that, when you MUST know how much I adore you and have big plans for us to go to Massachusetts and get married.
I'd appreciate it if next time we crossed paths, you'd be a little more considerate. Thanks.
D
PS: You have really good skin.
Bitch :) Leave my boyfriend alone! He's mine, you can't have him! We are already registered at Filene's Basement...
Posted by:justaguynatl | June 07, 2006 at 08:43 AM
Ack.
He doesn't know what he's missing.
Posted by:blackbird | June 07, 2006 at 10:29 AM
he's a lousy bottom... lays there like a corpse.
Posted by:dc-20008 | June 07, 2006 at 02:38 PM
Good skin? He has hideous moles all over.
Posted by:akflave | June 07, 2006 at 02:44 PM
Dan you are so silly. Absolutely crack me up!!
Posted by:Jennifer | June 07, 2006 at 03:32 PM
Good Skin???? He does have hideous moles on his face!! He probably has hideous moles on his small dick too!!!
Posted by:Mark | June 07, 2006 at 03:52 PM
I know for a fact that he does not have moles on his small dick.
Posted by:Vanessa Colt | June 07, 2006 at 10:16 PM
he was probably intimidated by your beauty, duh
Posted by:rio | June 07, 2006 at 10:42 PM
dude. fuck that shortie. get you some B.'fleck. You're worth it. Love yourself.
Posted by:willam | June 08, 2006 at 12:52 AM
Lordy, lordy, pitch the tent, the circus is in town.
Posted by:David | June 08, 2006 at 09:27 AM
i know this sounds awful...but i am so glad you don't write for queerty anymore. i normally never post comments, but when you went away and never updated...i got sad. when you only posted 1 time in a whole week, i was so distraught i considered taking you off my bookmarks. but now you're back, and fab, and i just wanted to let you know i missed you and your writing and stories. so don't go away again, because i don't think i can handle losing you a second time....and now i sound crazy.
Posted by:jords | June 08, 2006 at 01:27 PM
he's uncut.
Posted by:john | June 08, 2006 at 02:05 PM
oh no he didn't!
Posted by:ED | June 08, 2006 at 05:58 PM
Matt seems like he would be a terrible husband. He never smiles and he seems to "practical" with money. UGH! B'Fleck on the other hand seems like a scatter brain that you would have to watch like a new puppy. Too much work!
Posted by:Liz | June 09, 2006 at 05:43 AM
Hi:
I hate to disappoint all of you but Matt Damon is unavailable!!! He is taken. Sorry, guys. He has had the same steady for several years and that is - Ben Affleck!!! It was a marriage made in heaven.
So don't be offended if Matt Damon doesn't acknowledge you. He is probably thinking about the love of his life Ben and how he likes lying on his back and Ben pounding him with his monster cock.
If they could be open about their relationship I wonder what name the press would give them. Would we see headlines in People and US like "Bett thinking about adopting kids" or "Manjamin are cheating on each other"???
Posted by:Glenn C | June 10, 2006 at 08:19 PM
Dan,
go ahead and get Matt... I'm waiting for Ben. Then, as the spouses of best friends, we can do amazing shopping trips as we pretend to avoid the paparazzi. We will be loving step-parents to their kids (as they didn't have ugly, ugly divorces as their previous spouses either (a) died tragically or (b) came out of the closet and started dating some female actress or rock star. We are still willing to spend holidays and kids' birthdays with said former spouses because we are so secure.
My new favorite wine that I have been imbibing: Seven Oaks J. Lohr Paso Robles Cabernet Sauvignon 2003
Posted by:Erica | June 11, 2006 at 11:36 PM