A friend of mine called me a few days ago, stammering and stuttering and gasping for air. He just got the results from his regular physical and, surprise surprise, found out he has HIV. This guy had been in a relationship for years; they broke up, went their separate ways, but then stumbled into bed together for one last round of post-break-up sex. And whammo.

It was a few months after their rendevous when my friend developed a horrendous bout of "the flu" that he couldn't seem to shake. It wasn't the flu, it was his body freaking out about the HIV floating around in his bloodstream, and the fevers and the diarrhea were the reaction to try and get rid of it. Obviously it didn't work. Obviously it never does.

No one gave that "flu" another thought until a few days ago, when he got those blood tests back. And then it all started to fall into place. He called me because I was an HIV counselor a few years ago, and he had lots of questions, lots of questions about when he was going to die and what was going to happen in his few short days left. And I laughed, which I immediately apologized for, but really it was the only reaction that calmed him down.

I'd like to take this moment to explain a few things to you, the entire goddamned planet, as it seems there are still a few misconceptions about HIV.

1) Say two people are doing the Big Nasty. And let's call one person the "Pitcher" and one the "Catcher." There is the idea that the Catcher is at the greatest risk for picking up some disease, because the Pitcher is sticking his Bat up in him/her and leaking bodily fluids all over the place. And once his fluids are in there, they can soak into the Catcher's bloodstream. Yes, there is truth to that.

But the Catcher also makes various fluids: there are "vaginal secretions," if you're a woman and you happen to have a vagina; and then there are also tiny bits of blood that get stirred up when men (and sometimes women) choose to Catch with their bums. You can't see this blood, but all that rubbing pops a microscopic blood vessel or two. Regardless, these fluids have a way of finding the opening in the head of the Pitcher's bat, and once those fluids are in there, they can soak into his blood just as easy. It seems like a tiny little hole, doesn't it? But that's all you need.

My friend has always been 100% Pitcher. He has never played Catcher in his life. He is so uptight, if you stuck anything up there, he'd snap it off. And he didn't think he'd be able to catch anything from Pitching. Most Pitchers don't.

2) Do not diagnose yourself on the internet. DonotdiagnoseyourselfontheinternetDonotdiagnoseyourselfontheinternetDonotd
iagnoseyourselfontheinternetDonotdiagnoseyourselfontheinternetDonotdiagnoseyourselfontheinternet

If you are ever sick or worried that you are sick: do not turn on your computer, open up Google, and type in your symptoms with the hopes that you will discover what is wrong with you. Just because you have diarrhea and a fever, it does not mean you now have AIDS. But that is often what the internet will tell you. I have a friend who had a sore on his leg; he utilized the internet to diagnose himself as having syphilis. Turns out he had jock itch. Syphilis + jock itch = not the same thing.

My friend locked himself in his room and read website after website about "mortality rates" and "infectuous diseases" and God knows what else, trying to educate himself on how much time he had left. He read so much bad news he was ready to take a gun to his head. And locked in your room by yourself, having worked yourself up into a frenzy, is not a good place to be.

Having all that information from the internet is tempting, I realize. But you can't diagnose yourself after reading a web page or two. All you can accomplish is driving yourself crazy. And that, most definitely, is a very bad problem. Don't fall into the trap.

If you are concerned about your health, you need to go to a doctor, please.

Comments

[JayKay]

"DonotdiagnoseyourselfontheinternetDonotdiagnoseyourselfontheinternetDonotd
iagnoseyourselfontheinternetDonotdiagnoseyourselfontheinternet"

Best advice I have ever read. It could, however, be improved by removing the "on the internet" part...
DO NOT DIAGNOSE YOURSELF. You can't. I agree with Dan 100% here...just suck it up and GO SEE A DOCTOR! We're not all as bad as you may think. ;)

[BGOLDSTEIN]

BRILLIANT AS ALWAYS..... PEOPLE READ YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW... AND THIS ONE POST WILL DEFINATELY SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE AND THERE SANITY!!!

STAY FABULOUS AND LOOK US UP IN COWTOWN!!!

BEKS

[BGOLDSTEIN]

I MUST APOLOGISE FOR NOT EVEN ATTEMPTING TO SPELL CORRECTLY ON THAT LAST POST.... UGH!!! I FEEL THE NEED TO GO TO A REMEDIAL CLASS.....

[Amanda]

Great post. It needed to be said.

[Erica]

Your friend is extremely lucky to have you in his life. I hope that he has health care resources (health insurance, etc.) unlike many people in this country. My thoughts are with you friend tonight. I think people forget that people are being diagnosed with HIV every day - obviously we haven't learned everything about the transmission of the disease, or at least we (a collective we) haven't let that information sink in. Fortunately, in this day and age and in this country there are medications, etc. that can help prevent this disease from being a total death sentence.

As for "self diagnosis" my doctor is one of the smart ones. At one point, it was suspected through some blood work that I MIGHT have lupus, or something worse. However, he thought that the same symptoms mikght be just because of the intense stress I had been under. His advice? Go home, relax, get off the computer, take some walks in the sun, get togehter with friends, etc. He refused to give me the names of the conditions that I could have that were WORSE than lupus - because he knows me, and knows I could develop "med student" disease in that every disease I read the symptoms of - I think I could have. He said I was paying him to worry instead :)

Even though I believe that patients do need to advocate for themselves in some circumstances - He was right. I don't have lupus. It had a lot to do with stress, and I think (now that I've been through tests) allergies.

I hope your friend finds a great doctor like mine and also finds a large support group

[Amanda]

Dan, you are an amazing person. This post will help many people and thank you for addressing the topic. I wish all the best for your friend and I know he is going to get through this with a wonderful and intelligent friend like you by his side.

[Kiks]

God, I love the way you wrote that. It's a total "Bees & Flowers" scenario, talking about Ewy things without using a single Ewy word.

Cuteness.

And don't let men get you down. We're a shitty species, and gay men are in an especially bad situation. Like, straighties never have to put up with other guys who totally give in into their carnal desires. True, the girls have to, but the guys don't. Problem is, gays do.

And people try to tell us we don't suffer 'nuff already, ts.

[Stephie]

WOW! That really did help. I was a bit clueless about the process. Way to go to you for being a great friend and person. Hope your friend stays positive.