Fantabulous

Today at South By Southwest I worked the door of the Jane Magazine party. I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into; at first, I just checked off names from a RSVP list, smiled at pretty women, and had quippy intelligent chats with passers-by. Jane Magazine: it's the thinking girls' read, you know.

Cut to four hours into the event, with the line stretched down the block. Everyone wanted to be at that party. People waited in line for over an hour to get in; the bands and the DJs and such were really good, people in line were freaking out about missing who they had come to see, whoever they were. But you put a gate up and suddenly everyone wants to walk through it no matter what's back there. Except the people who tried to cut, to which I actually said the "No cuts no buts no coconuts" thing. And then wondered why I would say something so stupid out loud.

Anyway--the point of this post--

At the beginning of the afternoon, I had to shoo people away as the caterers finished setting everything up. A guy and his girlfriend--I don't know if it was his "girlfriend," but I'll just use the term--asked to come in. I said no, but they could keep me company until the party was ready to start?...so we chatted, she works as a nurse for a university hospital in Atlanta; he works for Apple. She had the rich sense of humor found only in nurses and elementary school teachers, from dealing with high-pressure situations and learning to laugh things off. And he was so...what's the word? Cute? Nice? I dunno. He made the warmness happen in the chest. And I thought, If I make them laugh they won't walk away. After watching me work for a while, yelling at people and telling the girls they looked cute in their little party outfits, he said I was doing a "fantabulous job." But I was just showing off.

As the day wore on I was too preoccupied with speaking condescendingly to line-jumpers to chat, so they disappeared into the party. As soon as my shift was over I ran through the crowd looking for him them, scanning the tops of everyone's heads looking for his funky haircut, but they were nowhere to be found. And I moped.

You meet a guy, don't know if he's gay or not, but why not enjoy his company no matter what?...if he digs the ladies, then that's that, nothing you can do. Or if he's not, well...think of the endless possibilities. Not that I am thinking about that.

Y'know, this beautiful man wandered in and out of my eyesight, and it's human nature to think "what if?" at all the loose threads. I should have asked for their phone numbers, or something, I don't know. But I didn't ask, because I was too busy trying to be funny and make them laugh so they wouldn't leave. I guess my scheme backfired in that regard.

Do straight guys say "fantabulous?" It's killing me. He has to be gay. Damn.

Comments

[willam]

They only say it when they need an adjective to describe what fucking a Fanta girl on one of their jetski's would be like....fantabulous.

[Rudy]

Hmm, it's not in their Everyday Lexicon, I've never heard the straights slip the word casually in a conversation. If they do, they're probably being meatheaded, making up a word about some babe's bouncing breasts as she walks by and slapping high fives. I'd say, I don't think so.

[Glenn C]

Dan:

Either he was gay and just doesn't know it or does and is still in the closet.

If he is straight ( I don't know why a breeder would say fantabulous) then maybe he felt safe around a gay guy to use such a flamboyant word. Nah, I think he's just a closet case and has this girl to protect his secret.

Maybe you will meet him again and get his number. Or you could get my number. ;P

Dan, are you in Texas for good? And why? I'd love to live in LA.

[James Leahy]

Dan, let's be real for a second shall we? If he's gay, he's CLEARLY a fan of this blog...so it all works out. You were clever in posting this encounter, and if he is a team player then tell me, WHO IN THE GAY COMMUNITY DOESN'T READ DAN RENZI'S BLOG? Okay, ego check. He was probably straight. Was that harsh?

[Bernie]

GAY or Str8...I really dislike that word...
leave it to 'Bumpkin' or 'Bunky' or whatever the guys name is, who blurted it out...
Sorry Dan, I think the boy was str8...only because that shites happens to me ALL the Darn Time!!!

[jagosaurus]

Gay. Seriously. I have never, in all my life, heard a straight man say "fantabulous."

[Alpha Female]

awww - i want to hear a happy ending to this story! keep us posted.

hugs.

[desertwind]

I'm with Alpha Female on this one.

[Dino Foxx]

There are times that I wish that metrosexuality would go away and that straight boys would go back to kicking our asses instead of getting their eye brows waxed and getting fake tans and confusing the hell out of us. At least with them going back to their old ways, we'd go back to knowing who we could or couldn't end up in bed with at the end of a night.

[Hephaestion]

Actually I can recall a straight guy saying "fantabulous"... clearly my guy was trying to say something to show he was not a homophobe. Your guy...who knows? Dontcha HATE it when a hot prospect slips thru your fingers? I am still regretting one I let slip thru my fingers ELEVEN YEARS AGO in Atlanta!

Hey, he was in ATLANTA! Maybe we lusted after the same guy!

But what on earth does "No cuts no buts no coconuts" mean??? No piercings & exposed genitalia?

[Dub C]

I'm gonna hafta go with gay. The only time I've heard a straight man say "fantabulous" is when he's mocking my flamboyant gay friends.

& to Dino: there are some metros that like to fight every chance they get.
Or at least mine does.

[erik]

well, he works at apple, so it's definitely possible that he could be straight and still say fantabulous.

[Adam]

I think we're meant to be together, how do you feel about distant CDN stalkers?

[fried-neurons]

Words straight guys use...

"fabulous" : generally no, but occasionally yes

"fantabulous" : uh... I don't think so. :)

[Flack]

He could be a Parker Posey fan, which many a'breeder are (OK not particularly in Tales of the City, but hey). Especially of the alt, SXSW, cool haircut ilk.

[Ed]

How didn't ur gaydar go off when u heard him say fantabulous. Come on Dan! I can't believe u didn't catch that. That was totally a queerty with his hag.

[whaterver mary]

hey desertwind - AMEN SISTER LOVE

[Dee]

I used to love Jane. It has transformed from the thinking girls' read to the rich smart girls' read. I am so far removed from buying $300 dresses it's ridiculous. I have one $300 purse and I will be buried with it.

[annie]

hi dan
i met you at the door
we talked about blogs and project runway. you were so sweet.
that party was so great...lots of weird backstory and coincidences involved.
just wanted to say hello!
glad you had fun!

[Dylan Yubeta]

Dan Austin if filled with straight guys that would say fantabulous. I think he was just trying to relate....but if your like me it doesn't matter. that bitch would not have seen me coming.

Oh and what the hell are you doing working the door?!? You need to be the guest of honor! lol just kidding

I love you! Your ex Corey Spears site is boring. Thats how I find your page and that the only reason I am in debt to him...

tootles

[Cazzondria]

I kinda act like that around certain boys too, I act like I'm really happy and klutzish. It's like I'm not there.

fantabulous is a strange word indeed.