We have so much to talk about.
1) Martha Stewart's new show: totally not into it. I don't want the happy-go-lucky Martha on my TV; I want the Martha that knows how to kill people using only a homemade scone and a spool of thread. Watching her chit-chat "live" is like watching killer pit bulls mate. You know the blood is going to fly, and the wait is uncomfortable.
Although on yesterday's show she had "poncho day," where she wore the poncho her prison-mate made for her...and required everyone else to wear one as well. And yes, she even had one for Elmo the puppet. Was I the only one shocked to see someone from Sesame Street wearing a prison poncho? Who at Sesame Street thought that would be fun? Why not just put him in an ankle braclet too?
I'll just wait patiently for her Apprentice to start. This nice stuff is boring.
2) I'm doing a play in Austin; click on this link and scroll down for a silly picture of me. It's pretty funny. Actually, I look like a dumbass but you can't win them all.
After we finish our run in Austin, I want to perform it in other cities (within driving distance) and give the money to the New Orleans AIDS Task Force. Obviously, the agency is having some problems these days. Anyone work for theaters in Houston/Dallas/wherever? We would do this in, like October or November.
3) Truth Or Dare is on the WE channel right now. RIIIIGHT NOW. If you haven't seen it, you must. Even if you don't like Madonna, it's a great movie. Best line: "Do something else! Do my eyebrows!"
4) I am happy to report that Jared Leto's butt feels perky and firm. How do I know this? I'm not telling. But I do.
5) Tyra, I want to do an interview about your new show to write in the Post. Your people won't call my people back. Do you not understand how our destinies are linked to each other? I am dying inside, waiting. Please.
Although that show where you took off your makeup and let everyone see what you look like? It's been done, and it wasn't any big deal back then. Just be beautiful and stop complaining about how hard it is. Thanks a bunch.
I have to agree on the Martha front. She's no good live I think.
But the bigger problem is this Erica's New Begininnings showwithinashow. It's embarassing.
And this morning? Erica/Susan was on Martha!
Frightening.
Posted by: blackbird | September 14, 2005 at 10:21 AM
you have to elaborate on jared leto...i just saw him this weekend in charlotte. he was kind of an asshole but that's what i expected, having seen him before in 2002. are you the one who broke his wrist? ;)
Posted by: Tammy | September 14, 2005 at 11:24 AM
" Just be beautiful and stop complaining about how hard it is. Thanks a bunch."
AMEN!
Posted by: Sarah | September 14, 2005 at 12:03 PM
danny boy!
have you been hitting the gym???
you look very tan, buff and quite handsome in that picture...
hugs - robert
Posted by: Dallow | September 14, 2005 at 02:03 PM
How could you not laugh at Martha teaching David Spade (who was wearing a poncho and gold clogs...a la Martha's Monday show) how to make microwave nachos and other microwave food like she ate in prison, all while her little alien dog is wandering around the set wearing a poncho?
Posted by: Jen | September 14, 2005 at 03:13 PM
The rear on the black-panted guy was nice ..
oh oh, I was supposed to look for you...
Nice arms! Nice legs! Will the End of The World have flip-flops? ack.
Posted by: DannyKaye | September 14, 2005 at 06:02 PM
I am completely annoyed and disgusted by Marths's lax attitude while on tether followed by her poking fun at it once off it. She has appeared to have never realized the seriousness of her situation. I am not even going to get into the $$$ involved with her purchasing 'justice'. I am currently employed as a Felony probation officer. All of this Martha BS has made me crazy, she should have just quietrly done her time and follow all of the terms of her parole and be done with it. I have lost all respect for her.......ok I am done venting.....*sigh*
Posted by: Jennifer | September 14, 2005 at 06:55 PM
1)What a babe in that play photo!
2)Her eyebrows were out of control-
3)I am living for Jared Leto, you lucky bitch!
Posted by: Patrick | September 14, 2005 at 08:08 PM
I love that eyebrow quote too! I thought I was the only one.
Posted by: Stacie | September 14, 2005 at 11:41 PM
Dan-
You ARE making a face in the picture that's kind of funny. But you look hot anyway. And at least under the picture they called you a "hot male model." It was nice of them considering they used that silly picture.
;)
Posted by: Queenie | September 15, 2005 at 06:25 AM
Jared Leto's ass! ... let me smell your fingers!
...
ok, i was joking about that ... (maybe)
Posted by: br1xt0n | September 15, 2005 at 08:45 AM
I'm gonna have to go 'head and respectfully disagree about Martha. She'll loosen up - it's only the first week. Give the girl a break... or else she'll cut ya!
Posted by: kristin | September 15, 2005 at 10:57 AM
You have got to come clean with the goods dan.
how in this queer earth did you get to touch jared leto's specials? Come on man....tell
Posted by: nate | September 15, 2005 at 01:02 PM
Oh I am totally with you about Martha. A big part of the reason I love/hate Martha is for her crazy controlling demeanor. The nice act seems so unnatural. You can practically see her straining in her attempt to be perky and spontaneous.
Posted by: Shelby Gelato | September 15, 2005 at 01:55 PM
WOW! Who...er, I mean what have you been lifting to get those amaaaaaaazing arms?
Posted by: Debi | September 15, 2005 at 06:20 PM
dan, this line of yours slayed me:
'Watching her chit-chat "live" is like watching killer pit bulls mate. You know the blood is going to fly, and the wait is uncomfortable.'
Posted by: kristen | September 16, 2005 at 10:45 AM