ARTICLES I WROTE

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ARTICLES I WROTE

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DVDs

  • REVIEW: COMING OUT PARTY
    coming out party finally hits australia. although they didn't think i am that funny. this, from the country whose biggest comedic achievement is crocodile dundee. screw them!
  • HOOKING UP...
    "hooking up in the real world," hosted by coral and myself. it ended up pretty good.
  • COMING OUT PARTY
    "coming out" stories told by comedians and writers. not a comedy show, per se, but is often funny.

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    Comments

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    Kayleigh

    who needs pants? nakedness!

    David

    I hate when I experience that bait and switch thing. It makes me want to take a dump in their dressing room.

    Aitch

    See? In Target there is no bait and switch technique and better yet? No uppity sales people!

    Joe

    David, nobody likes working at Target, therefore they don't need to be uppity.

    Cody

    Now way did you compare Target to Versace.

    There is no comparison. Please do not ever compare the fine detail of Versace to the skin-chapping Target.

    Esther

    That uppity woman? Probably the same one from Pretty Woman. And don't you even pretend you don't know what scene I mean. This is my first time here, and I already know that you know.

    I love writing letters to celebrities. You might enjoy my Madonnanthology (estherkustanowitz.typepad.com/myurbankvetch2005/madonnanthology/index.html).

    Chris

    That has to be the best complaint letter ever!!

    Ninotchka

    I was at a certain uppity mall in the big D when I saw a gorgeous couch in this chi-chi store. I just had to see this couch and how much it cost. The snooty saleslady spotted me immediately and I suddenly felt very out of place in sweaty exercise clothes. Still, I had to ask "How much is that couch?" And she coldly uttered a 5-figure amount that I couldn't help but to gasp at. I'm a smart ass through and through so I replied with a "Hmm. Too much for me!" and what she said next, astounded me:

    "Honey, it's too much for most of us!"

    Right there I wanted to kiss her full in the mouth for keeping it real.

    I simply cannot STAND snooty sales people. I don't care where you work, if you have to work you're no better than me. And even if you didn't have to work, you're STILL no better than me, so shove it!

    Jen

    Sounds like a homos nightmare!!! AAHHHHH LOL

    Roy

    Hahahaha..that's hilarious!!! But that totally sucks about those pants. I hate it when something appears to be on sale, when in fact it's not! That really irks me! And Dan, who shops at Versace any longer? Not I. It's not really my thing. But I am sure the pants looked hawt on you. I'd be hard-pressed to find anything to look ugly on you. I mean, come on Dan, you are gorgeous! And fuck bitches that work at stores like that. Here in SF I have had nothing but great experiences at shops. In LA, it was a different story. Most stores I shopped at, the help were not very helpful or nice. And btw, how are you liking your new digs?

    Michael

    Ahh, the salebait-and-switch. That's a favorite of mine. First you must determine, "these pants are $120 hot, but are they $240 hot?" Out. Loud. And preferably to the snooty saleswoman's manager's face.

    In making that decision, it's also key to find flaws in the produt: trendier designer clothes (i.e., not staples like suits and sport coats) tend to be sloppily made. Point out the machine stitching in your out-loud decision making. The manager and sales lady don't know hoe to tell either.

    ;-)

    Michael

    That's "how to tell"

    Peter

    I really hope Donatella writes back. That would be. . . wonderful!

    Donatella

    darn i missed the dear dan section... where do i send in my leters????

    Mariana

    Versace is for nouveau-riche Eurotrash and the people that misguidedly try to emulate them. Trashy clothes with an inflated price tag. Why bother agonizing?

    Ibiza

    I HATE uppity sales people. They turn me off regardless if anything is on sale or not.

    I also want to know where to write my "Dear Dan" letter...

    tim

    Having worked retail I have to tell the other side. When customers find a sale rack they deposit anything they had in their hands on that rack and end up buying the sale item. Then another customer finds the full price item minutes later. It happens a thousand times a day and people get real angry with you when you have to give them the bad news. But she had no reason to give you attitude though.

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