Dear Donatella Versace,
Hi. How are you? I hope all is well with you. I hate to bother you with complaints, but I need to get something off my chest.
Yesterday when I was shopping in your store, the salesperson waved her arm at a rack of clothes and said everything was 50% off. Excited as I was to find a great bargain, I grabbed a pair of pants, tried them on, and immediately fell in love with the gorgeous fashion-ness wrapped around me. 50% off, and cool as hell. What a great day.
But when I brought the new pants to the cash register, I was informed they were NOT on sale, after all. Oops. Those pants were the "only thing" on that rack that was full price. Darn the luck.
Here's the thing. I would have bought the pants anyway, even if the "sale" motif wasn't dangled in front of my face like a tasty pret-a-porter carrot. Your salespeople may have noticed the other shopping bags in my hand, as I was in your store on a big shopping spree. I haven't bought myself clothes in months and I wanted to buy myself a little happy-happy. And the pants fit me pretty darned well, even if I am a little thick around the middle these days. (But who isn't?) Sadly, when you pull the whole bait and switch thing, it just makes me feel cheap and dirty. Which I am. (Again, who isn't?) But at that moment, those pants just weren't any fun anymore. So I left without them.
You know, I don't need some uppity lady who works in a shop judging me because I hesitated at paying full price for those pants. In fact, I don't need uppity ladies who work in shops judging me for any reason at all. They're just clothes, honey, and it was just a shopping mall. No need to create need for yourself by pretending you're "exclusive" or better than someone else.
So if you want to send me the pants, I'll pay the 50% price I was hoping for. It really would be a gesture of good will, don't you think? Send me a note and I'll give you my address. And thanks for the cologne samples, I smelled great the rest of the day.
P.S. That neon orange? Honey. No good.