And so it goes, ladies and gentlemen, that a year has passed. We have all grown older, yet more lovely; wiser, yet more accepting of the uncontrolability of fate. We have learned. We have loved. We have lost.
And we have imbibed tequila.
On this day, the holiday known as Cinco de Mayo, I ask of you not to drink tequila only for tequila's sake. I ask you, America, to hoist your shot glass and celebrate the joy of freedom, the thrill of adventure, the fulfillment of creating excitement in all that you do. The world owes us nothing other than the life it gave us; it is up to us to craft each moment into whatever we want it to be. Take karate lessons on the weekends. Wear sexy underwear to your job as a secretary. Send anonymous love letters to someone you often see but have never met. No one can make your life interesting besides you. You owe it to yourself to live as many lives as you can. Always remember that "I'm doing it just for fun" is the best reason to do anything.
And for God's sake, people, if you get horny--remember to drop your pants AFTER you get home.
Rub one out for me, America! God bless!