5 Things

I was challenged by Orbicon to compile a list of 5 things that society at-large likes, yet I don't get.  Judging by the sarcastic tone of his list, I presume he wrote his just after he got yelled at by his boss.  But I've been eating blueberry muffins all day so I'm in a lovely mood.  Here it goes:

1. Crystal meth. 

I don't even like Pop Tarts, due to my fear of all the synthetic ingredients on the nutrition list.  I can't imagine snorting/smoking/whatevering a drug cooked with stuff found in your various household cabinets.  It has to change your DNA, I know it.

2. Belly Buttons. 

Please don't touch my belly button.  Don't come near it.  Don't look at it, don't think about it, don't acknowledge its existence.  Britney Spears and I Dream Of Jeannie must know something I don't, because I don't find them sexy at all.  All the skin around it is fair game, especially the ridges from those muscles on the hips that form the "V"...very sensitive in a good way.  But nothing good comes from touching my belly button.  Thank you.

3. Puppets. 

I am entirely unnerved by puppets.  It's not a scream-and-run-in-fear situation; I just stare at them, and a disconcerting emotion builds, like I'm watching Tonya Harding get a perm.  Icky.

4. Jamaica.

I have been to this island several times, and with no offense to the Jamaicans of the world: I think the whole island is just OVER.  Through.  Done.  What once was a beautiful place, I'm sure, has now been ruined by tourism.  I don't need to spend a thousand bucks on a vacation to sit under some thached roof hut, and drink watery/expensive frou-frou drinks with a bunch of tacky American tourists.  I can go to Ft. Lauderdale for that, and I don't want to go there.  Jamaica, to me, is the antithesis of a fun vacation.

5. CSI. 

I am surprised that my friends who have kids do not pay for that thing where you can block certain TV shows.  I don't even like flipping through the channels and catching this show.  Why is this entertaining?  And it's the #1 show!!  What am I missing?  I don't even think the stories are that good.

Now I must challenge 3 people to do this I guess:

- Mark

- Brittney, who is neglecting all of us

- Cody.

Comments

[R]

Dan The Man,

Thanks ever so much for #5. What are there, 12 CSI shows? Really. I know there aren't that many, but there might as well be. Damn thing is always on. For feeling my pain, I bow to you and kiss your feet. Rock on!

[Jen311]

A. My kids have already gone to bed when CSI is on. Fabulous thing, early bedtimes. It is my sanity. B. I freakin LOVE that show. I don't know why- its fascinating, in a rubbernecking, trainwreck kind of way. Not the NY one though. Just Vegas, baby, the original, and then I kind of like CSI:Miami, but its on past MY bedtime, so not so much.
And C. I'm not fond of puppets either, but my big issue is clowns. I hate clowns. Totally give me the heebs.

[Mandy]

I used to really dig CSI and then just stopped watching. I don't know what happened but I lost interest.

As for meth, oh lord; in the south it's such an epidemic. Everywhere you go down here, they are breaking up some lab out here. You can't even by Benedryl anymore without being checked as to how many packets you are buying and they monitor how many times a day you have been in. Freaking meth junkies. I have allergies and take generic Benedryl alot. But hey, classify me with the junkies because I buy my Benedryl in large supplies instead of buying it 2 pills at a time down at the convenience store (I have been told buying more than 2 packs is against the limits now)

My thing is feet. What is up with all the foot love lately? I mean, I guess admiring feet might be ok but the worhip? EWWWWW.

[trick]

thefishbowl dot ya know.. is looking for u! steven wants u to do his radio/chatroom thing.. incase u didnt hear about it...and i hope ur time in texas.. austin.. is good to u!!! sorry about the SUV beotch!

[Miss Rita]

My 5 things I don't get....
1)Omarosa....?I don't even wanna know
2)Desperate Housewives...? Just don't get it
3)Blunts...? Waste of weed...
4)Those dancing video games? Scare me
5)Boobahs..? Like teletubbies wern't scary enough

[andrea]

yeah i never did understand why CSI was #1. I cannot sit through that show.

[Cody]

I've got my list up. It took me forever to thinkg of 5 things. But I think I did a descent job. I said I think....

[Kristen]

Can't stand CSI either. I'd take Law & Order any day.

[orbicon]

I *did* compose a serious (hateful) list 1st, before I crumpled it up, cried, composed myself, and threw it out. #1 Club Drugs. Eck.

Any show that advertises "Ripped from the headlines" is completely ridiculous. If you want headlines, read a newspaper. If you want reality, check out whatever that tv thingy is that you do.

[David]

So I guess you won't be seeing Avenue Q anytime soon.

[valerie]

Word on the belly button thing.

[kelly]

Oh my God! I have finally found someone who shares my dislike of belly buttons!! I hate hate hate them. I actually have to close my eyes and grit my teeth just to wash the damn thing and NO one is aloud to touch it let alone getting it peirced thats just gross. That is a wound in my oppinion. Something dried up and fell off from that space of your body and there is nothing sexy about that. Thank you Dan, you are the man!

[kelly]

5 things i do not get

1. sex- not it physically.. but the way it is publicized.. in media magazines and tv. ugg... look at the real world 12: las vegas for example. i know people are bored and have no lives.. so they want to know every hot persons sex life.. but there has to be a limit! what a joke.. nothing like real life!

2. iraqi war- i think it speaks for itself. the war against terrorism will NEVER END.. bastard of a president. should have never went over there

3. bottle blonde crap- ugg.. NO OFFENSE dan.. but selfexplanitory. so fake!! it's disgusting and degrading.. my sister is a beautiful natural strawberry blonde.. and she has to put hair extentions or highlights in it.. =( sigh. i LOVR my red hair

4. boys who live in jeans which are like 10 times to big for them. do they think girls like that crap or something? haha.. unappealing

5. the whole plastic band fad- omfg.. what a rip off every company and logo's are using off of "livestrong". so wrong.. and pathetic.

[Jennifer]

Yay, others who aren't into belly buttons! I LOATHE being "Pillsbury'd", and god knows anyone who finds out you don't like having yours touched will do it to you.

Homicidal moment: hanging out with an ex of mine and he got pissed at me for something and turned me around and poked me in it, then claimed he didn't remember I didn't like it. Fucker.

[Romina]

Hi Dan! *waves* I'm just a fan.. not psycho. (methinks) I happened upon your site through the RW/RR blog... love ya! I sincerely hope your pitch for a gay vs. straight show goes through, cause I have friends who are both (who doesn't these days?) and I know it'd be a hoot to watch something like that. cheerios

[Mattress]

My life is an endless post-it note so it's without hesitation that I have a list to provide for the lovely audience out there:

1) Guys who grow their hair out and think it's hot. Some guys do look good 'shaggy' but not everyone needs to look like they need to do the Time Warp to the 60's with some tye-dye to go with the rest of the mindless. And that whole curly thing, don't even get me started...know that guys shouldn't look like they just left with a fresh perm from Marlene's Beauty Shop that she operates out of her kitchen in backwards Marianna, FL.

2) Designer handbags, etc. [fake or real] Okay, so is it now a requirement for everyone to have a monogrammed Louis or Coach bag/wallet?! I guess I missed that episode of Saved By The Bell. Be original, be yourself.

3) Wal*Mart. I have to concur with Cody. Solution: Use WMD's to get rid of 'em and the white trash that infest them. Kill two birds with one stone.

4) The Simple Life. If you want to see Paris, look at the tabloids or internet. News shows covering people avoiding a wedding & 'missing' for only a few hours is bad enough.

5) Buffets. Yes it might be a bargain to pay a few dollars to get a lot of tainted 'food' but I'd rather pay the same (maybe a couple more dollars) for a proper portion of healthy food that most likely doesn't have some foodborne illness sitting in it. Thank you.

[Beth]

1)Cameron Diaz-Not funny, Not pretty, but pretty Dumb and that laugh??? It's like nails on a chalkboard.

2) Bands like Simple Plan and Good Charlotte. Am i just too old at 27 "to get it"?

3)Over 40-somethings chasing 18-year-old Lindsay Lohan tail. Just ew. Gross. Unless they're women and then it's ok.

4)Sex & the City-Sometimes i get it, other times I think to myself, "These people are really vacuous. Why are we emulating them?" Escapism...

5)Clint Eastwood. He'll never be a "genius" in my book.

[Jamindi]

In defense of my lovely rock of an island, while you have a point about the touristy areas, if you've only stuck to Montego Bay and Negril, you've only yourself to blame. Go to Port Antonio (the Blue lagoon) or Treasure Beach or Black River or Mandeville...then if you still hate it...i'll buy you a red stripe...

[Andrea]

totally agree with the belly buttons and the hotness of the 'V' muscle (which by the way is called the sartorius and is the longest muscle in the body :) )